A Little Bit
by MrzEdCullen
Summary: <html><head></head>"...please, you know you don't have to go…You could stay here, with me…" He's playing a losing game. She will always choose another, but he hopes for a change; maybe, someday.</html>
1. Chapter 1

**A.N:**_This is my first try at writing a story in english and I want to know your opinion. _

_I wrote this a while ago now and **Irritable Grizzzly** was kind enough to check this out and correct it for me. Huge Thanks._

_**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

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><p><strong>A little bit.<strong>

I wake up, feeling the same as I do every Sunday after our night together: dirty, used, cheated, and stupid.

She's in the bathroom. I can hear her in the shower. She must be expecting me to join her, but I don't think I can. Not today.

I get up slowly out of bed and search for my clothes, as well as any kind of damage we may have caused the night before. After I find my underwear, I look to the left and see our clothes lying on the floor. There's a crack in the crystal of the table where some gold liquid spilled onto the floor but nothing major; we've done worse.

I sit back down on the bed, and I don't know what to do with myself. I know what I should tell her. I should end this relationship. I've tried before, but I've never been able to actually say the words. I haven't been able to even start the sentence. When she arrives, time stops, everything's perfect, and all the reasons to end it disappear.

I know she must think I'm an idiot. She knows the effect she has on me and uses it against me. I know she must make fun of me for all the times I've came too fast because I'm so weak when it comes to her and how I whine when she's about to leave. Even though I know these things, I can't seem to get enough. I just have to keep her in my life, no matter what.

She's out of the bathroom, wrapped in a really short towel, and her hair is still wet. I can see her beautiful, creamy legs as she walks toward me. When my eyes settle on her face, she's wearing that sexy-as-hell smirk she knows I love. When she reaches me, her smile turns sweet, but I know what's about to come.

"Good morning, handsome" She thinks saying stuffs like that will make it easier.

"Good morning, babe" I humor her.

She's drawing lazy circles in my chest, causing a burning ache it's there. She looks into my eyes, and for an eternity, neither of us says anything. I try to see something other than lust in her eyes, but it's just not there.

On the other side, I know she must be seeing all the love I feel for her reflected in my face, and all the adoration that must be plain in my eyes. I don't know if she can see the pain, though. I like to think I hide it well, but then the look of pity she's wearing changes my mind, as well as what she says next.

"Don't be sad" she whispers, as she tangles her fingers in my hair. "You know I'll come back in a few weeks"

Something close to a grunt leaves my chest. I go for the silent treatment. She's having none of that.

"Edward, please don't be like that." She grabs my chin, and kisses me on the lips. "It kills me when I have to leave, knowing you're mad at me. I don't want to think you don't want me anymore."

I stare at her, thinking she must be crazy. I have to bear the fact that she won't be here for God only knows how long, and she can't take a few minutes of silence without thinking I don't want her? It's unfair. I want to tell her how ridiculous she's being, but I settle for reassuring her instead.

"Babe, you know I'll always want you." The smile that settles on her face makes me realize it's all just part of her fun. She knows I still want her, and I always will; she just likes to hear it.

"I got scared when you looked so upset. You're one of the best things in my life and I don't want to lose you." She keeps looking all innocent and sweet, like is totally okay she referred to me as _"one of the best things." _

"Bella, you know I hate it when you leave, and then you told me you can't see me for a couple of weeks. I just miss you so-

She cuts me before I'm finished with a heated kiss. She bites my ear as she whispers, "You don't know how sexy you look when you're needy like that." Then she resumes her nibbling and sucking and before I know it, we're on the bed, panting, while my hands roam all over her body.

I love the way her skin feels, and I love the way she smells after she takes a shower. I'm addicted to her hands and lips on my skin. When she touches me, it's like my whole body is ready to explode.

She keeps kissing and sucking on my neck, my chest, my jaw. She's in charge. She always has been. I'm just along for the ride. I'm just a lost puppy to her. She has her fun, and then she's out.

"Don't leave," I can't stop myself from whispering. "I'll make you happy. I'll give you everything you ask for. I'll make love to you every night. I'll buy you anything you want. You just have to stay here with me"

She chuckles through my speech. I don't know if it's because of what I'm saying or the shallow breaths that follow each sentence. Her teeth are scraping my nipples but she stops to deny me. "Baby, you're so sweet, but you know I can't stay." She goes back to work on my chest, and I give up. I pull her to me, and kiss her with everything I have.

Minutes later, she's lying on top of me, sighing happily while I play with her hair. She's starting to get up, but I hold her there and go for another try.

"Bella, please, you know you don't have to go…You could stay here, with me…I…I don't know how to be without you…and I can make you happy. I promise. You won't miss anything. I'll give you everything."

She stops fighting me halfway through my speech, and resumes her place on my chest, then, takes a big breath and murmurs, "Baby, don't make this harder than it has to be. I'll be back in two weeks and I'll be yours for the whole weekend." Her voice drops even lower. "I'll miss you… I'll be back"

I don't know why it's so hard to believe her. It's been a whole year and she's always kept her promise. She always comes back. But right now, I just can't shake the feeling that she's lying to me; that today, when she walks out that door, she won't be coming back. I want to cry. I want to yell at her for playing her games with me. I want to scream at her that she can go fuck herself and never come back.

But of course I don't do that, and instead let her out of my arms and out of the bed to fetch her clothes. I'm silent while she dresses. I'm trying to adjust myself to the thought that she's leaving forever. She sits on the bed and grabs my hand.

"Love, please be good while I'm gone, okay? Don't call me this week. I'll try to contact you."

I'm nodding like the idiot I am, while she plays with my fingers and keeps talking. "It's going to be a busy week at work, but I'll try to come sooner."

"You wouldn't have to go to work at all," I grumble.

"Edward, I love my job...I…I can't get into this right now. I have to go." She scoots closer to kiss me, but I move backward. She looks like she can't believe I'm rejecting her, but then her surprised look changes into an angry one.

"Edward, don't be difficult. Come kiss me goodbye so I can go." She's trying to keep her voice even but I know she's raging inside. She hates it when I do that. Well, it's the least I can do to hang on to my one shred of dignity.

"Just go. It's okay. Busy week. You'll come in two weeks…I get it…." This is the part when I try to play strong.

"Of course you get it." Her sarcastic tone isn't really affecting me. "If you get it, then stop acting like a child and kiss me." She scoots even closer, and grabs my face, but I shake myself out of her hands.

"Bella, it's getting late, and you have a long drive. Just go, I'll be fine…I always am." I mutter that last part, because I really don't want her to know just how hard it is when she goes away.

She gets up, and starts pacing the room, collecting her belongings in each pass while she rambles in exasperation. "You just don't understand. I'm trying so hard at my job - at my life - to keep everything in check. It's hard enough living a double life and having to deal with all the people around me. The only reason I keep coming back is because I thought you understood, but you're being an ass today and I—she stops herself there, when her voice breaks at the end. She's crying now and I'm out of the bed and at her side before her second tear leaves her eye. I'm holding her to me and letting her whisper broken words to my chest.

"It's ok, don't cry. I do understand. I'll be here when you come back. I'll make you feel better after your busy week."

And before she gets a word out of her mouth, I'm kissing her, and she's sighing into my mouth and moaning. My hands are in her hair, and I'm holding her face while I kiss her frustration away. These are the kisses that kill me; when Ihave to comfort her_, _even though she'sthe one leaving me.

"I promise I'll come again, as soon as I can…I can't stay away from you for long…"

I shush her with another kiss, and then she's out of my arms, and putting on her jewelry. When I see that damn gold band slide across her finger, I want to kill myself.

She turns around and kisses me on the cheek. "See you soon, babe."

Then she's out of the door and I'm left with the pain I know too well, because she's going back to him, while I'm left in the dark, like the dirty little secret I am.

My only hope it's that maybe when she gets sick of him again, she'll come back to me.

It has nothing to do with work.

But it's better than nothing, and I'd rather have this than live without her, because I love her enough to live with the little bit of herself she's willing to give me.

Because maybe, just maybe…_if _she comes back again, I'll be able to convince her to stay for good.

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><p>Thanks for reading.<p>

MrzEdCullen*


	2. No Regrets

_I want to say thank you to my awesome fellow Rockstar __**Mari **__for pre-reading this for me and making all the corrections and suggestions needed._

_Please read the __**A.N **__at the end._

_**Disclaimer: **__All characters belong to __**Stephenie Meyer. **_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: No Regrets.<strong>

_There is an ongoing battle between conscience and self-interest in which, _

_at some point, we have to take sides. _

_**~Robert Brault.**_

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><p>I'm a good person.<p>

I'm friendly, lovable, caring. I help old ladies in the street with their shopping bags. I'm great with children. My family is the most important thing in my life and my friends come to a close second. People at work don't have a bad thing to say about me, neither do my neighbors.

I visit a care center once a month to help out in any way I can. I never hesitate when it comes to assist a person in need; it's not in my nature.

I'm a good person.

"What are you doing this weekend?"

It amazes me how one simple question from my brother can alter my frame of mind. No matter how many times I prepare a speech in my head telling me I'm good, it's never enough to make me believe it. Because the truth is, I am not a good person. Even if other people seem to think so, I know I'm not. How could I be? How can I assure myself I'm not bad, when my entire life is based on dishonesty?

_What are you doing this weekend? _It should be such a simple answer. I could say I'm staying home, keeping a low profile, resting from this week's work. I could be doing those things. I should be doing those things this weekend, but I'm not.

I could be honest and tell him I'm meeting with someone. Tell him I have a date, but that would lead to so many questions that would require me to lie so much more.

He can't know what I'm truly doing this weekend. He can't never find out I'm not so much of a loner as I make myself out to be. No one can.

This has been going on for a while now; a year to be exact, a year of me lying to the faces of every one I care about. It's been a year of me sneaking around like a teenager to be with the woman I love.

It's a secret that's eating me inside. I haven't been the same sane person I used to be. I think I've lost it completely. My mind is constantly battling against my heart and I don't know how to deal with it.

The worst part is I know what needs to be done in order for me to live a normal life. I have two options that would make me an honest person like I used to be. I could come clean about her; I could force her to tell the truth about us. It would bring us both a lot of repercussions, her more than me, but I could stop lying.

The second option is leaving her. But that's not even in the cards for me. I don't want—no, I can't—leave her. I need her. She has become my whole world, the only thing keeping me together. She's more than the air that I breathe; she's the blood that runs through my veins.

I don't even understand how that happened. One day I'm a normal guy living my life one step at a time, with nothing to keep me from sleep at night. Then, I found myself caught up in an incredible mess.

I remember meeting her. I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. The way she conducted herself, attracted me instantly to her. I knew things weren't going to be easy, but I couldn't escape her.

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><p><em>A Year Ago<em>

_The only thing I hate about being a lawyer is the constant studying that needs to be done. No matter how much knowledge you think you have, it's never enough. Laws are frequently changing and you never know when it can work against you. I have won my fair amount of cases but it still hurts when I lose one._

_Today has been an especially hard day for me. I've been working for months on a case, knowing that there weren't many chances of winning it. Even with that in mind, I couldn't help but get upset when the judge announced the verdict._

_I'm reading a book in a small coffee shop that I visit everyday named Pep's. I'm trying really hard to concentrate but it's impossible. My mind doesn't want to know what the author of the book wants to say. I should go home, but I know that when I get there, I'll just grab another kind of book to torture myself, trying to see what else could've been done to turn things to my favor._

_No, I'm not ready to go home yet. Instead I try once again to make sense of this paragraph but a loud commotion at the other side of the room keeps me from it. When I turn my head to see what's going on, my eyes take in everything that's happening but at the same time nothing at all._

_There's a young waitress with unshed tears in her eyes, trying to pick up broken glasses and other stuff my brain doesn't register. Looking down on her is the reason my heart is trying to beat out my body right now. A gorgeous brunette with the most pale and soft looking skin I've ever seen. She's dressed all white; like an angel, except the look she's wearing at this moment implies otherwise. From the looks of the whole scene, she's the reason that poor waitress is about to piss her pants._

_Of course I want to go do something, but I've lost too much time starting at the brunette beauty and by the time I'm standing she's already on her way out. I'm frozen by shock at how much this woman affected me. I realize I can't let her go, but my feet don't seem to be working._

_In my state of panic at never seeing her again, I search frantic for anything that may give away something about her. When my eyes go back to the shaking waitress, I see a refine black leather agenda on the floor._

_This apparently spurs me into action and before I know it, I'm out the door-agenda in hand- looking around for a glimpse of her white perfection._

"…_this incompetent waitress at that tacky coffee shop our boss seems to like spilled a whole tray of pantries at my shoes, now I'm late for the scheduled photo shoot of the magazine cover…" _

_I hear her talking on the cell phone, her voice full of irritation. She's pacing back and forth, but she hasn't notice me yet. _

_Her heels click on the pavement and I seem to be hypnotized by the sound. That's why when the noise of her footsteps gets lower, I realize she's walking away again, and my feet chase after her._

"_Excuse me, miss!" I yell at her while walking a little faster now. She's not talking on her cell phone anymore, so I assume she hears me._

"_What now?" _

"_I…I'm sorry….um….I was under the….impression that this…um w-was yours." I'm fidgeting, stumbling across the words, as if I'm asking her to marry me, instead of possibly doing her a favor._

"_Oh great! This is just what I needed it, isn't it?" She grabs the agenda out of my hands and flips pages furiously, her eyes drinking in every line in it; trying to figure out if something's missing from this object –that apparently- is so precious to her._

"_I-I found it at P-Pep's…and, well…I-I thought it co-could be yours." I cannot believe my words right now. I'm an intelligent successful young man, why am I reducing to stutters in front of this girl? I have to keep it together._

"_Yeah, great thinking on your part." She says sarcastically. She's looking strangely at me, a mix of wonder and annoyance in her features._

"_Thanks, I guess." I shrug trying to look cool and collected. "I thought it could be important, and you left in such a hurry…" I trail off before I start sounding like a freak._

"_Because I _am_ in a hurry." She checks her watch and I know it's a polite way of asking me not to keep her any longer._

"_Listen, I-I just…" _

"_Don't, I am not going out on a date with you. I do not think I owe you for giving this back to me. And yes, it would be amazing if you would go back to, Pop's-Peep's or whatever the hell it's called and let me go on with my life."_

_I'm left stunned, speechless and feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. Why did she act that way? If this is how she treated that waitress at Pep's, I get the frighten look in her eyes then._

_But I don't understand. She is so beautiful. Even in her agitated look at the end of our brief exchange, she looked striking. How could she be so mean? And here I thought I _was _doing her a favor. She seemed so relieved when I handed her the agenda. Maybe she was having a bad day._

_I go back to Pep's to retrieve my stuffs imagining Peter, the owner of said coffee shop, is probably sat at my table waiting for me. _

_After a vague conversation with Peter about what just happened, I decide I should go home. I need to buy some groceries anyway and it's getting late. Once I get to the store, I notice is starting to rain and I try to be as quick as possible, so I don't have to drive in this weather. _

_Since today is not exactly my day, I'm stuck in a long line with a new and adjusting cashier working her shift. By the time I'm done the parking lot it's deserted except for a car that appears to have its lights on, but no one inside._

_Despite the fact that I'm tired and still a little bummed out about the brunette incident, I'm too curious not to get a closer look to the mysterious car. I inspect it looking for any sign of something strange. After I'm convinced it's just a mistake of its owner, I turn around only to find myself bumping into the not-so-angelic beauty of earlier this evening._

_At first I can't believe how close she is, I can smell her perfume and it's clouding my senses. Then I take in all of her realizing she's soaking wet and clearly upset. She doesn't look angry, or annoyed as before. She looks sad, maybe frustrated but still oh so magnificent._

"_Are you stalking me or something?" She asks me and regardless of the sadness I detect in her eyes, her voice is firm._

"_Wh-what? No. The lights of the car are on. I…I was making sure everything was ok." I answer her._

"_Well, aren't you my little savior?" She says sarcastically and I feel incredibly embarrassed for some reason._

"_I assume some people still appreciate those kinds of things, you know…favors and stuff…" I say, suddenly angry at her behavior. "Maybe you could learn to say "thank you" once in a while." _

_She looks me up and down with a smirk on her face that's doing things to my body. After what feels like an eternity of her scrutinizing me, she surprises me by getting closer to whisper seductively in my ear "Mmm…Maybe. Depends on how you teach me." _

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><p>"Earth to Edward?" I'm pulled out of my memory by the annoyed voice of Emmett and his waving hands in front of my face.<p>

At first I'm a little startled and confused not really remembering where I am. As my eyes begin to adjust to the present time, I realize I'm at my apartment's living room. Emmett is lying down on the grey leather sofa across from the matching chair I'm sitting in.

"What?" I say in a low voice not really interested in having another dreadful conversation with my brother about my whereabouts.

"Dude, you spaced out. I've been talking nonstop for at least half an hour." He says in exasperation at my not paying attention. I understand that it bothers him, but he should be used to it by now. It's not like it's the first time.

"Oh, yeah? What about?"

"About the party this weekend. It's the launch of a new club and it's supposed to be super exclusive, but since I'm awesome, I'm invited and I can bring anyone I want." He answers excitedly despise his annoyance with me.

Emmett is a well known photographer therefore he's constantly getting into private parties and the like. Although his style is more artistic, his reputation and fame come as the result of shooting famous models and actresses for important magazines covers.

He loves his job and I know he feels blessed that it has given him so many wonderful experiences. He has met a lot of celebrities and has enjoyed a life full of luxuries thanks to it.

"That's cool." I reply as a reflex, knowing he's expecting some kind of emotion out of me after his recently shared news.

"It is. You know the best part, though? That you're coming with me! It's about time you go out and have some fun. Dude, you _need _tocome."

I try not to cringe at his obvious interest in my presence at this party. My mind is working furiously to come up with a credible excuse out of it. My brother knows I don't particularly enjoy those types of events. However, ever since he started getting invitations, he's persistently asking me to accompany him.

At first I used to go against my will because I knew it meant something for him. Besides, I actually believed him when he told me I could meet someone who would attract me. A couple of parties later, I realized that it wasn't going to happen but I still humored him.

That was until I started seeing her.

There was no point in trying to meet new people, when I had already found my match.

Being a lawyer, has always given me a sense of power, of authority. People around me tend to respect me right away, just because of my title. So it's no surprise I'm used to getting what I want. Still, when it comes to women I take pleasure in the chase.

That's why going out with Emmett is really of no use to me. The girls he's around are mostly all too willing, throwing themselves shamelessly at both my brother and I. And the ones that don't, are a little on the not so nice side for lack of a better description.

I am not selective. The thing is I like the art of seduction, the process of wooing a woman before she agrees on giving you a chance. Unlike most male of this era, I enjoy courting them. Of course getting a woman to date you, it's a whole different thing from making them fall in love with you. I've learned that the hard way.

"Stop! Whatever excuse you're thinking is not going to work. You're going to that party with me and that's the end of it." Emmett says trying to sound authoritative.

"I don't know, Em. I'm just not in the mood for that scene." I talk back like a petulant child.

"C'mon bro! It's been forever since you went out with me. Hell, it must be forever since you went out at all."

I sigh and tug hard at my hair in frustration. It'd be useless to argue with him about whether I've been going out or not. I don't think he'd believe me in the first place. Plus, I'm not ready to see the look on his face when I come clean about my secret relationship, if one can call a relationship to what I have, that is.

My brother is not a judgmental person. But I know it'd make him lose his respect in me if he knew I'm "dating" a married woman. He's really liberal and all, but he's never done anything like that. He would be so disappointed if he found out.

"Edward, don't give your brain such a hard time, okay? If you don't want to go, I get it. I'll ask Jasper to go with me. He'd be up for it." He tells me, finally giving me an out of this situation.

"Yes, ask Jasper. That's a good idea. I-I'm sorry though. You know those kind of things are not my thing." I hesitate before adding, "I hope you're not mad at me."

"Well yeah, I'm incredibly mad at you. You're such a mean person. How could you do this to me?" He complains in a high pitchy voice, and I know he's joking. He chuckles and stands up to get his jacket, talking as he goes. "Nah, we're cool. If you change your mind, have your people contact my people."

"Sure, I'll let you know, okay?"

After a quick "manly hug" as he calls it, he's gone.

I'm left feeling just a bit guilty about the most recent lie. And I make false promises in my head about going out with him the next time.

Although I feel a little sad about rejecting him, there was no way I was giving in to his insistence. I can't bring myself to regret this decision.

No, there's no room for regret when I know for a fact, that my weekend activity is no comparison to his.

Because this weekend, I'm going to see her.

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><p><strong><em>A.N: First of all, I want to apologize for submitting these chapters without being betaed .I do not intend to offend anyone in the site. <em>**

**_Second of all, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has taken the time to read, review, and put the story on alert or on your favorite list. You guys are the reason I decided to keep writing this._**

**_Last but not least, if one of you is kind enough to find a beta for me, I'd be extremely grateful. _**

**_Love, MrzEdCullen._**


	3. Pink Ribbons and Red Anger

**_Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. The rest is mine. _**

**_As always, thanks to my fellow Rockstar friend Mari. I heart you._**

**_Please read the A/N at the bottom._**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Pink Ribbons and Red Anger.<strong>

_Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath._

_Eckhart Tolle._

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><p><em>Can't make it today…rain check?<em>

I don't know how many times I've read that text message in the past half hour. My fingers linger over the keys, without having a clue of what to reply.

The first feeling I got after reading it was fear. This is my biggest nightmare turned into reality. She's not coming. She lied. She promised she'll be back in two weeks and now she's not.

It's 10:30 on a Saturday morning. I've been up for two hours now, doing research for a new case. The desk in my study is filled with books, police records, list of relevant names and all the things I need to get my mind in the game. But my prepping was interrupted by the sound of my cell phone chipping in the living room. When I saw her name flashing on the screen, a goofy smile appeared on my face, thinking the contents of the message would be light, fun, flirty.

Instead, I have to read that she can't be here today. This has never happened before. She's never cancelled on me. The fact that she's decided not to come it's more than upsetting. I don't know how I'm supposed to react. What should I answer? _It's ok? We can see each other another day? _That hardly sounds as what I'm thinking right now. But then again, I've never expressed my feelings to her to their full extent.

I toss the phone to the couch and run my hand through my hair for the fifteenth time in the past twenty minutes. I start pacing the room and end up in the kitchen, searching for something to drink that would ease up my anxiety.

After lots of rummaging around, I decide it's too early to drink, so I go for some cold water. Maybe that will calm me down. _Of course it won't. _I tell myself internally. The reality is nothing can calm me down.

This isn't exactly the first time I've gotten my hopes up, just to be let down.I've tried so many times to get her to do other stuffs with me. I've invited her out on dates during weekdays but she always said no. I know deep down, I shouldn't be surprised but the truth is she's never broken a promise before. When she's said she'll be here she has been. Dates are just a whole other subject.

If she's going to see me, it's on her terms. She decides the place, the hour, the date. I just have to show up and try not to make her angry.

Once I'm finished with my water, I go back to the kitchen. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm just lost. Sitting on one of the metal stools there, something pink on the far end of the breakfast bar catches my eye. I stare and stare willing the object to magically float to me, so that I can take a better look at it. Sighing, I stand up and reach for it. It's a ribbon. Unconsciously, I bring it to my nose, inhaling the faint scent left in it. It's hers. My fingers stroke the soft piece over and over. I compare it to her skin; delicate, feminine, fragile.

Despite my best efforts not to, the memory of that day comes to me easily. I remember everything there is to remember of all of our moments together. That afternoon two months ago, is no exception.

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><p><em>I'm sitting in my bed with my laptop in front of me. It's January, therefore it's still snowing. Even though things have been pretty slow at the law firm, I'm still forced to be working from home on a Friday. As usual, all sorts of papers are lying around me, scattered randomly in the bed. While I try to concentrate really bad in my analysis, I keep checking the clock. She's coming tonight. I reason with myself it's only 3:00 p.m. but I can't help it. I'm desperate for her to get here.<em>

_At 3:20 I've convinced myself again how much I love my job so I get engrossed in my reading only to be interrupted by a strange noise. After affirming myself it's nothing, I try to focus again but a voice by my door keeps me from it._

"_Hello handsome." Bella is standing in the entry of my room covered in tiny snowflakes. She's wearing a heavy cream colored coat and is holding a brown paper bag. She looks perfect._

"_Hi! You're early." I can barely contain the huge smile on my face. I feel less embarrassed about it, when I realize she's smiling as well._

"_Yes, I thought I could keep you from missing me so much. Thank God I did, you look like you need a distraction." She's walking into the room, taking off her coat as she goes and placing the bag on the floor._

_When she reaches the end of the bed, she lays her palms flat on the mattress and starts crawling to me, crinkling the papers in the process. I'm fascinated by the movement of her body, entranced as usual, with everything she does. Of course I get lost in her actions and next thing I know she has closed my laptop and has found her way across my lap. Her arms are on my neck while my hands are placed at the small of her back. Her deep brown eyes are glowing with a contentment I rarely get to see. I treasure this moment, before inching closer to her lips and kiss her. It's a light peck that evolves into more leaving me breathless and incredibly happy._

"_You are, of course, the perfect distraction, sweetheart." I tell her while kissing tenderly on her neck._

_Unbelievably she's wearing her hair up today. I take advantage of that with my lips, my tongue, and my teeth. The quickening of her breathing spurs me on to fumble with the bottoms of her blouse. Once I succeed, she dedicates to get me out of my shirt. The feeling I get with the skin to skin contact is otherworldly. I can't get enough of her skin, her scent, all of her. I try as hard as I can to place my hands in her entire form at the same time. When I reach to caress her long hair, I find myself tugging at the ponytail she's wearing today._

_Momentarily, I'm distracted by the abnormality of this fact. Bella has expressed to me before how much she hates wearing her hair up. She says it makes her look old, regardless of me assuring her that she doesn't._

"_Your hair's up." I comment to her breathlessly while she nibbles my neck._

"_Yeah…It's…um, I was… making a cheerleader… demonstration." She answers me in between kisses and little bites that are slowly driving me insane with lust. _

_I can't help being amazed at the strange things Bella has to do for her job. She's the art director of a well known fashion magazine. Apart from making sure the final product is impeccable, she's involved in most of the important photo shoots of each edition. She has earned a lot of respect among her coworkers because of her creativity and dedication. The fact that she has climbed her way to the top with dignity and commitment also proved to her favor. So much is her involvement that she always ends up doing things that are not among her list of duties. _

_I wonder which department she was crashing today to end up cheerleading something. That explains the ribbon, I muse internally. Although at this point, being half naked with her in my bed eclipses every other thing in the world. I concentrate on tattooing her image in my head and making it worth her while._

_For the next hour and a half or so, no words are spoken. There are only sounds of our lovemaking (if one can call it that) filling the room. Her sighs and moans of pleasure compose a symphony for me. I relish in the power of knowing I'm able to make her feel this way, to see her let go of the control she holds on so tightly. _

_After a bath together that kept us busy for another while, we share the food she's brought. We're sitting on the living room floor across from one another drinking a cup of red wine. She looks heaven-like wearing one of my t-shirts and a lazily made bun in her head tied up with the pink ribbon she came with. _

"_You look pretty." I say. With the light of the only lamp that's on, she looks out of a movie scene. One of those where the star is alone at night thinking about her loved one. The glow of an expertly created lightning accentuating the starlet's features._

_She smiles at me, and then rolls her eyes. "I'm sure I do, with my hair still wet and wearing your clothes. I'm a cliché fantasy."_

_It's my turn to roll my eyes. "You couldn't be cliché even if you tried."_

"_Well, aren't you charming?" She says sarcastically. "Stop trying so hard Edward, I already slept with you." _

_I wish I could tell her I can't ever stop trying. For all I knew, I could lose her tomorrow. I have to give her reasons for coming back. I have to be everything she's ever wanted and more to keep her with me. I have to do whatever it takes to make her mine forever. _

_Except I can't and I don't. I suppress my thoughts inside my head while contemplating the glass of wine in my hands. I attempt without success to stop the sadness of my reality from making its way to my heart. I'm aware it's useless. I live with that knowledge everyday now. Its presence is undeniable. It all comes down to the fact; she's not mine to have._

_Before I get sucked into the torment of my emotions, soft hands are stroking my hair, my cheek, my jaw. I didn't realized when she crossed the room to sit next to me, but now she's so close it's impossible to ignore her. The heat of her body combined with her scent is reason enough for me to notice her. _

"_Don't lock yourself inside that little pretty head of yours." She whispers in my ear. Her hands are still taking inventory of my face. It burns in every place she touches. Every area of my skin is aflame; her touch is as much of a cure as it is the disease. Her kisses are poisoned with the sweetest taste of wrong. This is why I can't get away. She's the most powerful drug and I am the most helpless addict._

"_I wish it were that easy." I answer her finally after long minutes of soft caresses._

"_Maybe I can help." She says breathlessly against my skin and just like that she has me again._

_I wake up the next day to an empty apartment only my memories and her aroma surrounding me. The guilt, the insecurity, the pain is all familiar. I have to deal with this every time she leaves. It doesn't get easier. It doesn't get manageable. If anything, each time hurts a little more than the last._

_Once I find the strength to get up, I go to the guest room to use the restroom. My own must be filled with the fragrance of her skin and I'm not sure I'm ready to face it yet. My steps feel slow, heavy, and dreadful. It's like my body is aware of the weight of my feelings._

_I take a shower in the guest room to start on with my day, even though I am in no mood of doing anything. Then, I go back to my room and change and arrange things around, soaking up the remainder of her essence. Finally, I emerge to my living room, where I'm sure the contents of last night's dinner are still lying on the floor. It comes as a shocking surprise to me, when I see that the floor is impeccably clean. There are no food containers on the table or the floor. There are no clothes lying recklessly around the sofas. _

_She has never cleaned up after a night spent together. I'm left wondering, once again, how her mind works. _

_I take another panoramic view at the room, still at odds with the situation. There's just one thing out of order. In the central spot of the gray leather sofa there's the pink ribbon attached to a rectangular little card. As I walk toward the little treat, my heart beats uncontrollably inside of me. I take it in my hands, bringing its sweet and intoxicating perfume into my lungs before reading it. There, written in perfectly beautiful script says:_

_**A piece of me till I get back ;)**_

_**Wait for me; I'll be here next weekend.**_

* * *

><p>It feels like ages ago since that happened. My memories of our time together blur in an unrecognizable circle inside my brain and heart. Each one is more bittersweet than the last. It's the most delightful kind of torture.<p>

I'm brought back from my musings, by the annoying sound of an upcoming text message in my cell phone. Without realizing it I get my hopes up thinking it's her. Maybe telling me she was joking, that she _is _coming. But as I lift the phone from its resting place on the coach, something tells me it's not from her.

With all the disappointment a person could feel, I read the name on the flashing screen, before opening the text.

_**Dude, last chance…Are you coming to the party or not?**_

Emmett's message comes in the most inopportune moment. I am not in the mood for pretending. I am in no condition to give him so mundane response about why I'm not going to that party.

I hate this. My heart must be in such a state that doctors would get a field trip out of it. It has been broken so many times, each time more savagely than the other. By the same person no less. How can I recover? How can I be normal ever again? Was I even normal to begin with? What am I doing to myself?

A myriad of questions go through my mind, but not even one answer can get itself in the middle of my mental chaos.

It's a helpless situation. I am in love with her and she's not in love with me. It's simple if you think about it. Cliché if you must. I'm not the first man on this earth who has fallen in love to the wrong person. But how could she be the wrong person? I can't grasp that. Maybe that's where all my troubles begin. I refuse to see her, to see _us, _as wrong. I'm set that we are perfect together; that I'm as perfect for her as she is for me.

_But you're not…_ My subconscious screams at me.

The cruelty of it all is astonishing.

The trouble lies in my love for her. That's what has gotten me to the point of no return; loving her. Maybe not loving her per se, but loving her as I do. I ache for her. I'm addicted to her presence in my life. The air in my lungs, the beats of my heart, the blood in my veins; they're all for nothing without her. My feelings for her border on insanity, they're unhealthy. And at the same time, they're my lifeline; my reason for existing.

The uncertainty and rage boiling inside me drive me to do things I know I shouldn't. I call her. I don't know how many times she'd asked me not to contact her, even when I've only done it twice. She's so afraid he'll find out about me. At this moment, with my heart threatening to stop beating for good, I don't care about her fear. I don't care how mad she will be once she sees my name flashing on her Blackberry. I just need to hear her voice. I need answers only she can provide.

She answers on the second ring. With the sound of her breathing at the other end of the line, I feel a little more complete than earlier.

"_Why are you calling?" _Her tone is cold, distant, exasperated.

"Hello to you too Bella." I say sarcastically, well aware that pleasantries has never been a concern for her. Especially when it comes to me.

"_Cut the crap. Why are you calling? We've been through this before." _ Her attitude is as bitter as ever. We are night and day. I still don't get how we've managed to be together the way we've been.

"I got your message. It says you're not coming. Why?" I ask, devoid of any emotion worth displaying.

"_Because I'm not. It's very clear. I can't make it." _ She answers with authority commanding me not to ask further more.

I wish I could comply. However, I can't help it.

"Yes, I understood that. My question is why? Is it work? Is it…_him?" _I whisper the last word with despise in my voice. Anger, jealousy and fear mixed together burning inside me.

I hear some rustling in the other side of the phone, first it gets so loud then quite. Almost too quite. I'm scared she hung up on me, until I hear her tired voice again.

"_Edward…please, don't do this now… I…I have to work. You know how busy I can get. I'll see how fast I can go back to you, okay? I want to see you."_

She sounds so weak. She sounds as if she needed me. I wish she would admit it to me, to _herself._

"You promised." I mumbled before I can stop myself.

"_I know, baby I know…I'll make it up to you…but now I have to go." _

"Bella, I…"

"_It's okay Edward. I forgive you. I just want you not to do it again…don't call me Edward, I'm serious. I have to go now."_

Before I can form a response to that, the line goes dead. I cannot comprehend what just happened.

She forgives me?

_She _forgives _me? _

I'm the one who sits around immerse in my own pity waiting for her. I'm the one who has to tolerate the fact that she's too much of a coward to accept the truth of my feelings and the lies of her life. I'm the one who has nothing. And yet, she's sure I'm the one who owes her an apology.

I've never been a violent person. Fury and rage are not useful feelings in my book. Nevertheless, it's all I can feel deep inside my core.

I want to smash every little surface of my apartment. I want to rip my skin from my body to erase her touch. I want to yell, scream, cry…

For the first time though, I want to hurt her. I wish I could make her feel just as desperate and mad as I feel. I wish I could have that much power over her.

As I ponder the impossibility of Bella ever feeling as I do right now because of me, I realize I'm numb. The plethora of emotions going on inside me, have turned into nothing. There's nothing left for me to do but wait for her. I don't know if or when she'll be back.

I just have to be as strong as I can be to deal with every second she's not around.

Grabbing my cell phone from the place on the floor I threw it in my state of disarray, I decide to finally compose a reply to my brother. Apparently while I was beside myself, he sent another text. Some simple words he has no way of knowing how much they would affect me today.

_**Don't be a coward, live a little man. You're single.**_

With a new resolve emerging from the broken part of me, I take a deep breath and write.

_**You're right. I'll be there.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: First of all, I am incredibly sorry for the amount of time it took me to update, I am trying really hard not to let that happen again. I am working in the next one and it's almost done.**_

_**If there is anyone still reading, Thank You so Much, drop me a review and let me know what you think.**_

_**Until next time.**_

_**PS: If you're interested in my semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter; LisbethTejada.**_


	4. So Much For Fun & Life

_**The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The rest is mine.**_

_**As always, thanks to Mari, who is Super Awesome. **_

_**Please read the A/N at the end.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3: So Much For Fun &amp; Life…<strong>

_Love is whatever you can still betray...__Betrayal can only happen if you love. _

_John LeCarré._

* * *

><p>I haven't been in a club for so long. The idea of me going out on a Saturday night feels foreign to me. In the past year, all my weekends have been somewhat occupied; either by a gorgeous and forbidden woman, or by my own misery. Tonight, after a turn of events, was supposed to be the latter. However, it is not the case.<p>

For the first time in what feels like forever, I am dressed with a nice casual change of clothes. I am ready to be seen outside of this apartment, out of the usual suits I wear to work, out of my comfort zone.

_It's not like you've never done this before,_ my inner voice tells me. But I can't help feeling anxious, nervous and above all stupid.

If I'm being honest with myself, I don't want to go to that opening party. I have been adamant in my decision not to go to this thing. I had so much other wonderful enjoyable things to do tonight. I was going to see her.

_Change of plans. _I think bitterly.

As I close the door of my place behind me, I repeat out loud the words that I've chosen to bring strength tonight. "I'm allowed to have fun. I'm allowed to live."

Even though there's conviction in my tone of voice, I do not believe my words. I've subjected myself to a world of pain and heartache for so long that I really don't think there's anything else out there for me.

What's in it for me without her?

Nothing.

I spend the drive to the club struggling with my choice. Twenty minutes of solitude behind the wheel are not enough for the conflicts inside my head to resolve. Nevertheless it was all I got.

I arrive at the club at 9:15, thirty minutes after the time Emmett told me to be here. The place is packed. There's a long line of cars at the entrance and about four valet parkers managing it all. I am not in the mood for waiting for some guy to park my car and pretend he likes me. Besides, if I have to wait in this line for long, not only will Emmett be pissed at me, but I'll be too tempted to turn around and go home.

I reverse the car out of the main entrance and go around the block. I park the car in a respectable distance from the building. When I get arrive once again to the entry of the club, I take notice of my surroundings. Aside from the now even longer line of cars, there are lights in different colors scattered around creating a scene almost fantasy like. Hanging from the sides of a big silver door, are tastefully placed crystal stars and butterflies. As I get closer to the doorman, where another line is formed, this time with people, I look down and see a very realistic looking green path. It seems to resemble a forest path. The walls next to the entrance are filled with illustrations of trees and flowers.

Even though it all looks beautifully made and rather expensive and intricate, I can't help feeling like this is some kind of joke. Is this a spoiled, 12 year old girl's birthday party decoration? What kind of adult dance club would look like a princess's dream?

Before I get all analytical on this thing, I decide to ignore it all, and just go get in line. When I'm getting almost to the very end of the row, an enormous hand grabs my shoulder from behind.

"And where do you think you are going?"

The shock of being pulled from a surreal scene like this one doesn't let me formulate a response to that question. Apparently for my brother that is green light for him to start talking again.

"Man, not only do I have to wait on your ass for almost an hour, now you won't even say hi. This is how you treat your dear brother who is getting you some action tonight. Not to mention, I am so awesome you don't have to wait any other second to be behind that door."

Emmett chats constantly while pulling me back to the green path and in front of the silver door. The doorman, who is dressed in an all black suit, nods at my brother before letting us in. Absently, I see the looks of annoyance in the people's faces, which have to wait for another while before getting in.

Once inside, I'm surprised by how loud the music is. I couldn't hear a thing when I was outside. It must be a soundproof kind of wall or something.

I follow my brother to a sea of impeccably dressed people; most of them with a drink in hand. I keep noticing the décor of the place and I must admit it looks better inside. While it still has the aura of an Alice in Wonderland theme party, it does look really well made. The walls are painted in what seems to be a midnight blue tone. On the right side of the space are low white leather chairs with crystal tables in front of them. To the left is a high bar filled with silver tall stools with an intricate design at the bottom. The floor looks made out of glass and the ceiling is covered in digital projections of shimmering stars.

Before I can keep looking around, I am pushed to an obscured hallway. Emmett is hot on my heels, urging me forward. After several seconds walking in a curvilinear line, we reach our destination. It's a round spacious room that looks like a smaller version of the main area.

"I present you the VIP room of _Fantasía." _

_Fantasía…_That figures, I muse to myself. It means fantasy in Spanish. That explains the dream like quality to this place.

There are several people sitting on the white chairs, while others are standing in little groups conversing. As I step farther into the room, a few faces turn to look at me with peculiar expressions. I feel like everyone knows why I decided to be here tonight. I'm starting to feel suffocated by the unwanted attention.

"Don't just stand there Edward…come on, let me introduce you to some friends." Emmett says behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

Automatically I move next to him, and walk in the direction he's leading me.

We go near one of the standing groups; two women in short almost identically dresses and one man in a suit. Emmett introduces Tanya and Irina, two important models of the fashion industry and Aro Volturi, some sort of God in the business.

_That explains why these girls are all over him. _I think.

There's a blur of incessant small talk. My brother knows every person in this room and makes sure I get to talk to them all. It's the most awkward I've felt in years. These people don't care about me. Between the aspiring models and actresses who are too preoccupied with impressing the casting directors and producers, and the said men that are looking to get laid, there's no room for me.

They don't care about my career. For all they know, I'm just a bored, conceited man who is completely capable of filing a lawsuit against them someday.

It's all joke; this place, this night…this _life. _

As I sit alone in a partially obscured corner I realize how much similar I am to this people. They're all liars. These men are selling dreams to naïve girls who think will achieve a big career after this night. These women make them believe they are actually interested in what they're talking about. They are all just pretending.

Who knows how many of these guys are married? Maybe all of them are.

Maybe they all have nice women waiting desperately at home. Unsuspecting women that think they are at some last minute work reunion. Perhaps their wives are worried about them; thinking that something terrible happened.

Or maybe those women are with a younger toy boy in a cheap motel. Maybe, they too, are pretending.

_What about me? _ I ask myself. I am no better than them. It's possible I'm even worse than they are. What if these people don't know better? What if these people didn't have a strong foundation to deal with this world? What if these too willing girls didn't have a parent to raise them the basic values in life? What if these men are product of violently divorced parents?

I, however, do know better. I was raised by good, honest people. I was taught to be sincere, to take good care of all women. I was told time after time, to grow up to be an honorable man.

I have no excuse.

I'm living my world of pretend because I chose to. I'm lying to everyone I know because of a woman. I'm ignoring all the values that were past unto me because of her. I'm risking my reputation as a respectable man for nothing.

She's not going to leave his husband to be with me. She's happy having the best of both worlds. She is not concerned about what kind of person this situation makes her. She doesn't lose any sleep like I do.

_I need a drink. _

This is all too much. The music is too loud. The not so subtle stares of these people are too intense. My thoughts are too heavy. I need out.

Brusquely, I stand from my place at the chair. My brother is nowhere to be seen, I notice. _Thank God._

I can't be in this room anymore. I'm suffocating. Without looking back, I strode to the exit of the VIP room. I can't order my drink back in here. As big as it is for a side area, it's too small for my liking. I need to blend in the crowd.

I find my way back to the main room, and go straight to the bar. There's even more people than before, but oddly enough the silver stools are all empty. I sit in the far end of the row of chairs and wait for the bartender to attend me.

I assume, since I'm not a good looking girl, I'll have to wait a while. Before I get lost in my self-loathing thoughts, a pair of shoes catches my eye. They are a deep shade of pink and attached to a creamy pair of long legs.

As I slowly begin to lift my eyes, my heart starts beating faster and faster. For several, painful seconds, I let myself hope. The silhouette in front of me is way too similar to one I know too well. But even in my optimism that it's her, I know before I reach her face that it is not.

This girl has sweet and innocent green eyes. Not piercing and strong brown ones. She has straight, deep blond hair. Not the dark and curly kind I'm used to. She's wearing a modest black dress with pearls around her neck. She looks sophisticated and elegant yet somewhat scared and shy. She seems so out of place, like she'd rather be anywhere else but here. As I gather all this thoughts, it hits me. She doesn't remind me of _Bella. _She reminds me of myself.

I don't know what compels me to do so, but I find myself talking to her.

"Hi." I tell her, while mentally slapping myself.

"Hi." She answers with a small smile on her lips.

"I would offer to buy you a drink, but I can't seem to make the bartender notice me long enough for me to place an order." I say honestly.

She chuckles, and shakes her head before replying me. "I don't want a drink. Thanks. But if you want, I can offer to try to get his attention for you instead. Of course, I'll have to shorten my dress and lower my neck line in order for me to accomplish that."

_Not exactly the answer I was expecting. Maybe she's not as shy as she looks._

I snort in a very graceless manner before muttering, "Right." I don't know how many minutes passed before I realized my mistake. "I mean, not that you aren't pretty enough to catch his eye. Because you are…pretty…I just meant…you know…what you said about him not noticing girls unless they were dressed like sluts. Shit, I shouldn't have said that word…" I trailed off like the fool I am.

I lower my eyes to the floor with embarrassment. But before I can start feeling too sorry for myself, I hear a melodic sound above the strong bass of the music. She's laughing. She looks so carefree. I look at her and smile sheepishly. I'm too dumbfounded to do anything else.

"It's okay. You didn't offend me whatsoever. If anything, I'm curious about you're flirting style. That's what it was, right? Or are you just making conversation? Although I don't see how the latter is better than the first one." She tells me with mirth in her voice.

_Flirting? Is that the reason I'm talking to this girl? Am I flirting? _

Of course not.

"I'm not flirting." I spat. I don't know why my tone of voice turned so bitter. I notice a slight flinch in her form and a subtle frown in her brows.

"Okay." She tells me in a broken voice. Now it's her turn to lower her eyes.

I feel like crap. Now, I've offended her. It wasn't even my intention.

_Why didn't you say you were flirting instead? _Because it's a lie.

_Like that would be the first or the last one. _

As I argue inside my head, I realize it wouldn't be wrong if I flirted with this girl. She's pretty, kind of witty, and completely different from the girls I've met before. Pondering this, I decide to try to save this. Unconsciously, I touch her face, lifting her with the tip of my fingers. I don't know what made me be so bold, but I am. Looking directly into her eyes, I find a sadness that goes beyond the words I've uttered just now. It makes me feel so much worse. Who knows what kind of past I've triggered by rejecting her? This makes me want to make it better so more badly than before.

"I'm sorry." I say almost a whisper. "I didn't mean it like that. I am not good at flirting. Honestly, I never do, because things like this happen. You are a beautiful girl, and I'd be blind not to want to flirt with you." I pour as much conviction as I can into my voice, trying to make her see that I'm damaged. That the reason why I can't flirt is because, as much as I hate myself for admitting this, I feel guilty.

She smiles a little and shakes her head out of my hand. I drop my hand and wait for her to speak. "I am not beautiful, but thanks." She says finally.

"Are you one of those types of girls? The ones that are too insecure and need to be reminded that they are beautiful all the time?" I blurt, because apparently I have no filter tonight. In an even dumber action, I throw a hand over my mouth.

Once again, she laughs; this time even harder than the last. She even has tears starting to form in her eyes. After I've removed my hand, I start to apologize again, but she cuts me off.

"Don't apologize. You're right. I am not that kind of girl. I'm not even supposed to be here tonight. I came because someone dragged me here against my better judgment."

"Let me guess; an older brother who is constantly asking you to come to this kind of events? Even though he will likely leave you to fetch for yourself while he goes home with one of these sluts?"

"No, a roommate who is constantly babbling about me not having an active social or sexual life and thinks a place like this is ideal for a girl like me to find the so called fun… And now I've realized I just talked about my sexual life with a stranger… That's great."

It's my turn to laugh. Not a fake laugh at that, but a true and genuine one. I find myself amused by this whole encounter. It's awkward and kind of embarrassing but there's something cute about it.

In the next fifteen minutes, I find myself having a really nice conversation with this girl. After using as much courage as I could, I managed to get the bartender to deliver some drinks to us. I found out her name is Angela Webber, she's a writer in a magazine while she waits for a more intellectually stimulating job. She likes animals and outdoor activities, indie music and movies. Also, she's the kind of person who would sacrifice her own well being in order to make happy the people she loves. She's witty, smart and compassionate as well.

As our conversation progresses, I realize I actually like this girl. And much to my dismay, I find myself flirting with her. There's a voice in the back of my head telling me is not right to get this sweet girl in the chaos that is my emotional life. Nevertheless, I decide to ignore it for the time being.

In a moment of comfortable silence, I play close attention to the music and notice it's a slow song. Without giving too much thought about it, I stand up to ask her to dance. But I am not able to do so, because an undeniable scent stops me.

With my heart and body reacting the same as always to that perfume, I look to my right to the fierce brown eyes that own me. She's glaring at me with a rage in her features that leaves me paralyzed. I am not so sure how to handle this situation. I don't know what to do.

I've never seen _Bella _this mad. She's looking at me like I shouldn't be here, as if I shouldn't be talking to this girl. She's looking at me, as if I betrayed her.

How could she do this to me? She has no right to be upset over this. Maybe she's on another egotistical fit, thinking I'm here searching for her.

After my initial shock passes, a new feeling boils inside me; rage. All the frustration I felt this day is emerging once again. And for the first time, I'm not about to swallow it down.

With all the character and strength I know she possesses, she screams at me "What the _fuck _are you doing here?"

She's trying to intimidate me, but I am determined to have her hear me. I am set on talking back anything she throws at me right now.

She's waiting for my answer. She's raising an eyebrow; like she's done so many times before, only this time I'm not sure she would like my response.

When I'm about to talk, memories hit me. It is such a different moment from this one.

* * *

><p><em>I cannot believe this day. After so many things have happened, I'm currently lying on a bed, naked except for a refine hotel sheet.<em>

_Isabella, my brunette goddess, is taking a shower. I'm still in shock of what happened once we left the supermarket. The way she managed to get me from mad, to enchanted, and back and forth left me stunned. _

_When she asked me to follow her, I said yes without a second thought. Honestly, I knew what was going to happen. I just didn't know it'd be so powerful. _

_She's a seductress. She knows what she wants and it's not afraid to get it. I'm awestruck._

_Pondering my chaotic emotions, I look around the room. It's a mess. I guess we were in a hurry. I continue analyzing our path of destruction, when something sparkly catches my eye. In the little table beside the bed, almost covered in Isabella's turned off cell phone, is a ring. _

_I reach for it, before I realize what I'm doing. Turning it in my hands, I know what this means and automatically feel sick. I'm panicking and starting to sweat. How? Why? It can't be._

_With every scenario running inside my head a million miles an hour, she emerges from the bathroom, still wet, wrapped in a deep blue towel. _

_She stands at the foot of the bed and smiles coyly. My voice is a little broken as I ask her, "What's this?" _

_She takes notice of what I'm showing her and processes my question before replaying me._

"_What do you think it is? It's a ring." _

_I feel so confused. I know what kind of ring it is; it's a gold band with a simple design. It can only mean one thing. _

_She's married._

_Apparently, I said that out loud, because she then asks me, "Is that a problem?"_

_Our recently spent together time flashes before my eyes in a second. I remember the way her skin felt in my fingertips. I can still smell her alluring scent. I remember the explosive feeling she gave me, the look in her face as we managed to get as close as we could. _

_I treasure the moment she finally gave up and let go. This woman has given me the rush of my existence with just a few hours of my time._

_Lifting my eyes to her, I see she's contemplating my features. She's waiting for an answer. _

_Even though, I know what I want, I also know what is the right thing to do. With that in mind, I look deeply into her eyes and just as I'm about to answer her, she raises and eyebrow and drops her towel. _

_Along with the sound of her towel touching the floor, I hear myself whisper "No."_

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><p><em><strong>I want to take the time to say super Thank You, to all the people that added me in their story alerts lists and stuff...I feel so honored. <strong>_

_**I don't really know when the next update will be. I haven't even started the other chapter, so please be patient with me.**_

_**Please, let me know how you feel about this story leaving a review.**_

_**PS: If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.**_

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	5. When a Tornado Meets a Volcano

_**The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just messing around with them.**_

_**The name of this chapter is because of the song "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem ft. Rihanna.**_

_**As always, thanks to my fellow Rockstar Mari, who is Amazing!**_

_**Please read the A/N at the end.**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: When a tornado meets a volcano.<strong>

_"Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment"~ _

_Unknown__._

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><p>"Answer me!" She yells with a slight desperation in her voice.<p>

I'm shock to see the fury in her eyes. I don't know the reasons why she's so angry. It can't be because I'm here. It can't be because my presence took her by surprise. It has to be something beyond that, but _what?_

"What? What do you want me to say?" I surprise myself with the calm in my voice. Even though, I am truly out of sorts with this situation, the most prominent feeling is anger.

I don't know if her rage is provoking mine. All I know is, I'm not about to let her talk to me this way.

"What are you doing here?" She screams at the top of her lungs. The sound is almost animalistic, like a strangled cry. I can't form an answer before she launches herself in the exasperated rambles she uses when she's upset. "You shouldn't be here damn it! You can't be here. And who is this? Who is this woman Edward? What are you _doing _with her! Is this what you do when I'm not around? Go out and pick random _sluts_ to take to your apartment? Are you fucking this plain boring _bitch?_

The last two questions spurred me into action. I step forward and grab her arm in a vice grip. I want to shake some sense into her.

I don't understand her behavior. Bella likes control. She lives for it. I have never seen her out of the usual strong and composed façade she wears. The only time I get to see a glimpse of the real her is when we have sex, and even then she fights to hold the power.

However, right now there's no control, there's no façade. She's all over the place. I'm as perplexed as ever.

I can tolerate her harsh words. I can take all the coldness that surrounds her, but I can't let her offend this girl. _Angela. _That poor girl must be in such an uncomfortable position. I look back at her and see the hurt expression on her face. I feel so bad. I try to convey with my eyes how sorry I am about everything, before dragging Bella away from her and out of the club.

We can't talk here. We can't talk like this. She is obviously not okay. This room is spinning, I can't think straight. There's some hot burning feeling inside of me that's dying to come out. For once, it's not the lust or the love I feel for Isabella.

All the hurt I've been feeling because of her is revolting around me. I'm not sure what I'll say if I don't take a breath of the cold night air.

We can't talk here.

Once outside, I search frantically for a spot to take Bella. The street is almost deserted. Apparently all the people that were waiting to get in, are either gone or inside. The valet parkers are lounging with the guard near the entrance.

I scan the area again, and this time I find an obscure alley across the street. I let go of Bella's arm and start walking. I can't deny I'm a little surprised when I hear the sound of heels following close behind me.

She's silent, just walking behind me. No protests, no shouting, no arguing me. She just did as she was told. It's starting to freak me out a bit.

This is not the woman I know.

_What the hell is going on? _I tug hard at my hair. Once in the alley I stand with my back to the left wall, slumping. I realize how tired I am. This day has been weird to say the least. I tug my hair again.

Bella is standing in front of me, with her eyes down. This is the first time I allow myself to really look at her. She's as beautiful as ever, wearing a short red dress with red shoes. The dress is so fitted that all of her curves are showing. And her legs in those shoes are so lean and long that I can't help but stare and imagine them wrapped around me.

Before I can go further into those thoughts, I remember how mad I am. I clear my throat and start talking.

"Do you want to continue talking trash Isabella?" My tone is acid and combined with the use of her full name; I know she knows I'm serious. I've never spoken to Bella this way. I've never spoken to anyone this way, except when I'm fighting a case. It feels foreign to me, to be so bold and unashamed in front of her. I don't know where this power is coming from, but I'm holding on to it tightly.

She doesn't answer me, and it makes me even angrier. "Nothing to say now? It seemed like you had a lot to say back there. Or did you get tired of behaving the way you have?"

I don't know if my new found attitude makes her reacts. But she does. She lifts her eyes and I can see them burning with feeling. She's going back to her place of control. I can sense it. I see it happen before my eyes.

"That must have been some good lay, huh Edward? Look at you, ready to commit murder for her. Who is her? Tell me!"

The rage boiling inside me, is so strong it's scares me. I am not a violent person, but Isabella breaks me. I have no control over my emotions or feelings when she is concerned. Right now though, I wish she were a guy. If she were, I'd be punching her.

_God! _How frustrating.

What is wrong with her?

"What is wrong with you! Have you lost your mind? Do not speak of Angela that way. I will not allow you to."

I'm no longer resting my back against the wall. I'm standing to my full height in front of her, stopping myself from getting too close to her. I can't be too near or I'll lose my conviction. It's already a problem that I can smell her perfume whenever a rush of wind comes by.

"You will not allow me? _You will not allow me! _And who are _you _to allow me anything! You're no one, you hear me? _No one!" _

It hurts. It feels like someone kicked me in the ribs. It feels like someone grabbed a bat and is using it to beat piece by piece my already broken heart.

She's right. I'm no one. I will never be anything to her but her getaway weekend twice a month.

My anger is fading away only to be replaced by my self-loathing and miserable thoughts. I try to stop it. I try to hold on to my rage. As unnerving as it is to feel so out of control, it makes me feel a little strong. It makes me feel as though I'll survive this encounter.

"You're right. I am no one…so…why am I here? Why are _you _here Isabella? What do you want?"

My voice is soft, a whisper. Nevertheless, I still feel some thick current of annoyance behind it. I'm still trying to stay strong.

Bella is looking at me with an undecipherable expression on her face. She looks as if I've surprise her.

_That's good. _I muse. _Surprise is good._

There's a long stretch of silence. Once in a while a few cars pass us by illuminating us in a soft glow. I rest back to the wall. I'm exhausted. I wish she would just say something already. And then, she does. And I almost wish she didn't; almost.

"I don't want you with her." She breathes. If I hadn't been paying so close attention, I may have missed it. It was a flitting moment, a whisper, a caress. She's not looking at me. She looks defeated; hurt.

_Who are you? _I want to say. I don't know this girl. I've seen part and broken pieces of the sweet alluring person she can be. I've never seen her like this. Is she…? She can't be.

She can't be.

"Are you…are you _jealous_?" I say the word like it's a bad word, like, if I say it the wrong way I'm going to offend her. She focuses her eyes on me, as if she's seeing me for the first time tonight. She holds my gaze for a second before looking down to the floor again.

I'm stand upright again, waiting for her answer. I want her to say it. I need to hear her say it. I'm about to ask her again when she speaks.

"I shouldn't be here…I need to be working." She sighs and moves a foot, as if she's going to walk away from me.

I don't let her. I grab her wrist and stop her. My body reacts the same way as always to the contact. My heart is beating as fast as I imagine it can go and my knees go a little weak. For a second, I think I may not find my voice to talk to her, but I do.

"Don't." I pull her close to me, and she doesn't stop it. I smell her scent, intoxicating, dangerous. Her eyes have become dead yet again. It's always a rollercoaster with Bella, but tonight has been by far the worst. I've never seen her slip in and out of her emotions so many times. I don't like it. I want the passion, I want the strength, and I want her to talk to me like she usually does; no rambling, straight to the point.

I'm a masochist.

I hold her left hand limply at her side, while my other hand holds her close to me by the waist. For a while I just stand there, with her in my arms, before I speak. "Don't hide from me anymore Isabella. Stop using your work as an excuse. Answer my question, tell me…are you jealous of that girl? Is this what this is about; jealousy?"

She stays silent and my heart swells. I don't want to feel as if I've accomplished something. I don't want to feel the sick satisfaction of knowing that for once, our roles are reversed. But I do, I'm so happy and smug I can't contain it.

"Now you know how I feel all the time…" I say while wishing I hadn't, because the instant those words leave my lips, she wakes up again.

"Is this what you wanted all along? You wanted to get even? You come here, where I'm working, to prove what? That you can pick up a girl? _Please!_"

By this point, she's pushing me, trying to break free of my hold on her. I don't let her go, she screams, and punches me in the chest, but I keep her close. I want her close. I want to fuel my strength off of her. I need her rage to keep mine going.

What is wrong with _me?_

"You are so self-centered. You think everything is about you, don't you? You think I _can't _have a life without you, right?" My voice is even, smooth, like I'm having a normal, casual conversation. I'm not sure how many times I've wanted to tell Bella how selfish I think she is, but I've never been able to. There's been always a touch, a kiss, a look that has stopped me before. Not tonight. Tonight I don't recognize myself.

"Apparently you can and you have, haven't you? How many of them have there been? How many girls have you slept with this past year Edward?" I understand her words. I understand the sentences and questions she has spoken, but my brain is paralyzed. I don't understand how she has the audacity to tell me this.

How dare she?

"Are you kidding me? You think you can come into my life, screw me over time and time again and just… Damn it! Isabella, do you see what you're doing? You go in and out of my apartment and I'm supposed to what, put everything on hold, till you decide it's time to grant me with your presence? You get to go back to your real life, to your _husband_ and I get to what? Wait for you?"

My breath hitches, I'm feeling dizzy. She doesn't need to know that's exactly what I do. I put my life on hold for her; I wait for her to come back. That's been my life since I met her. But if she already thinks otherwise, why stop her?

What good would come out of that? I don't know where this conversation is going. Her fragrance and proximity are clouding my senses. I wanted her close, now I can't get far enough. I let go of her and step back, rubbing my chest where my heart is aching.

I always knew I'd explode some day. I just didn't know it'd be like this. I didn't know it'd be today. I didn't know it'd be so tiresome.

I turn around from her and place both of my hands in the wall in front of me. I'm trying to catch my breath. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"I thought you understood. I…you said it was okay. You said it wasn't a problem." She says and it's not a scream like before, but it's not a murmur either.

After a deep breath and a lot of debates with myself, I manage to reply softly.

"But it is."

It feels like the weight on my shoulder has been lifted. I feel like the air coming into my lungs is cleaner, pure.

I don't know how much time we stand there, just being. I can't hear her breathing; I can't detect her scent in the air. After I while, I begin to panic. Maybe she left. I turn around slowly; trying to convince myself it's okay if she left. I think it'd be better, if I found out that she has left me here. Easy, no more pain…no more resistance. Perhaps I'm finally free…

_It still hurts…It would hurt the same _either way_… You still love her,_ my inner voice tells me seconds before I'm finally facing the right wall of the alley again.

_She hasn't left. She's right here in front of me…and she's…crying? _

Crap.

"Bella?" Silence. "Isabella?" More silence and tears, big tainted tears.

I can't help it, I reach for her. My arms encircle her with the lightest of pressure. I try without success to get her to talk. I ask questions that are left unanswered. I whisper sweet nothings into her hair and let her grab my shirt into her fist.

What should I do next? Her crying has stopped now but I can't bring myself to let go of her. There's some strange feeling lurking between us and it's terrifying.

This is so messed up.

_We're _so messed up.

I knew this night was going to be a bad idea. I just didn't expect it to be this bad. This...horrible.

Now here we stand, after tearing each other out, and this feels so irrevocable, so close to being the end.

Is this it?

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><p><strong>Link of the Bella's dress: www (.) polyvore (.) comchapter/set?id=34172405 **

**So is this a cliff? I don't think so...but if it is, I'm sorry.**

**I am also very sorry for the time it took me to update. If you're still with me, I want to say Thank You! **

**This chapter was very hard for me to write, I hope you like it, please let me know with a little review. **

_**PS: If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.**_

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	6. Words, Heart & Soul

_**Disclaimer: Not mine. Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **_

_**The name of this chapter comes from the song With Me by Sum 41.**_

_**As always, Thanks to Mari who is all kind of Awesome! xo.**_

_**Please read the A/N at the end. **_

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: Words, Heart and Soul.<strong>

"_Screaming is bad for the voice, but it's good for the heart."_

_Conor Oberst.~_

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><p><em>I play with her hair over and over again. My fingers caress it a million times. It's so soft, it curls at the ends, and it smells heavenly. I trace the loose strands across her back; it's so long, so dark, it's perfect. I can't get enough of it. I'm obsessed with it.<em>

_I adore her skin. It's the softest skin I've ever touched. It's so white, like snow and it too, smells heavenly. I touch it with my hands, with my lips, with my nose. It makes me feel something inside whenever I contact it. I can't get enough of it. I'm obsessed with it. _

_I worship her curves, all of them. Every part that makes her a woman is perfect. I kiss, nip, caress, and smell all the places that call to me. Her face, her legs, her arms, her breasts, her backside…I admire all of her perfect body. I can't get enough of it. I'm obsessed with it. _

_We are still at the hotel; she's lying on top of me, sleeping. I haven't been able to sleep at all. I cannot stop thinking about the fact that she's married. Most importantly, I cannot stop thinking about the fact that I don't feel as bad as I should. After she asked me if it was a problem, and I said no, we've had sex two more times. That's three times in one night. Technically, she's cheated on her husband several times now, with me. _

_I don't know how many times I've been propositioned by married woman to do…stuffs…with them. Clients, client's wives, girls in bars with their wedding ring visible on their hands. There's been a lot. And I've rejected them all. It's not the right thing to do. It's unethical, unprofessional, wrong, dirty…you name it; it is. Yet here I am, tracing patterns in a married woman's back. _

_When I followed her out of the supermarket, I didn't know this. I didn't know she was taken, not mine; legally tied to someone else. But then I found out, and I didn't stop her from having her way with me, or me having my way with her. I don't know anymore. _

_This is so wrong._

"_Morning handsome." Her soft voice murmurs from her place on my chest, followed by a peck on my cheek. I look down and she is already starting to get up. I didn't realize it was morning already, but it is. There's light trying to come in from behind the windows. I guess my confused thoughts kept me distracted enough to not notice the time._

"_I said: Morning, handsome. Where are your manners?" She rebuffs playfully. I think she's mocking me about the saying "thank you" thing. _

"_Sorry. Good morning, uhm, Isabella." I say nervously. _

_She's collecting her clothes around the room, but she stops to look up at me, and smile. It's not a sweet smile. It's a devilish one, like she knows something I don't. It's attractive. _

"_I'm going to take a shower; do you want to join me?" She says on her way to the bathroom. The way she looks at me leaves no room for arguing, or protest. And with the attention my body is already giving her, I doubt I could deny her even if I wanted to. I smile timidly, and get up wordlessly to follow her._

_Four times now. I've had sex four times with her. And each time's been better than the last. We're explosive together. It's addictive._

_She's changing into a set of clothes I didn't know she brought along. I'm sitting on the bed, watching her. It's awkward. I try to fill the silence in the room. "Maybe we could…you know…order some room service…late breakfast, early lunch kind of thing…right? I mean, if you want…" I trailed of stupidly. _

_She turns around and smiles coyly at me. "You're cute. And yes…late breakfast, early lunch sounds ni…" She's interrupted by the sound of her cell phone ringing. _

_She finds it and answers it in hushed tones._

_When she's done, she says she can't stay. A weird feeling is making itself known inside of me. I don't quite understand what it is._

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><p>I'm driving Bella to my apartment. After a lot of convincing she accepted my offer. I don't quite know what we are going to do when we get there. I just know it's better than that alley.<p>

Emmett texted me half an hour ago to find out if I got lucky; I told him yes. I shouldn't have.

Bella is no longer crying, but she hasn't said a word in a long time. It worries me. I don't know what the hell is going on. I'm hoping she'll take a bath and eat something. Maybe then we can figure out…well, everything there is to figure out.

I park my car and open her door. She gets out tiredly and follows me inside. I toss my jacket on the nearby sofa and go straight for the kitchen. After I grab a bottle of water, I turn around to face Bella. She's standing in the middle of the living room, watching me. I don't know what we are supposed to do next.

"Are you hungry?" I ask her softly. She shakes her head no.

"Are you cold?" She responds with another slow shake.

"Do you…want to take a shower?" No.

"Do you want a change of clothes? One of my t-shirts…" I trail off when she shakes her head again.

"You should eat…or take a shower…" I say. I don't know what she needs, what she wants from me. I can't figure her out. I've never been able to. I don't know how many sides there are to her personality. I don't even know if the ones she shows me are the real deal.

I know a lot of that is my fault. I never ask her anything of importance. I never persist hard enough. When she asks me to drop a subject, I just do and it stays buried deep inside her skeleton closet. I don't think after the night we've had, there's any reason for that.

"What do you need?" I ask her straight up, hoping she would just tell me how I can help her. She stays silent for a while. Only after a big sigh she replies softly. "I'm…tired."

Okay. She's tired. I can offer her my bed. She can sleep in my room, while I…do whatever the hell I'm going to do while she sleeps.

"So…you do need to change into something more comfortable. I'll find a t-shirt for you and you can sleep in my bed."

Isabella is in a vulnerable state. She doesn't like being told what to do. I think one of the reasons she worked so hard to get a high position at her job was to stop taking orders from everyone around her. She likes being the boss. That's why I'm immensely surprised when she allowed me to take off her dress without protest and settle her into bed with an oversized shirt of mine.

I tuck her in and fix the air conditioner to her liking. I remember I'm still wearing jeans and an expensive shirt, so I start searching some pajama bottoms to wear. I'm almost ready to leave the room when she speaks.

"Don't…leave."

I joined her at the bed and she immediately crawls to my chest. I breathe in her scent and kiss her head. It's not even intentional. It's an instinct. It's what I do when she's near. I offer comfort, adoration, passion.

Only tonight is not about lust. Even though she looks as sexy as ever wearing one of my shirts, my mind won't let my body react _that _way. Right now everything is so confusing and troubled that I can't concentrate on anything. I just wish things were easier.

I wake up the next day feeling like a truck has run over me. I'm alone in my bed with Bella's scent all around me. I sit and try to rub some of the tiredness out of my eyes. After I found the strength to do so, I get out of bed and wander into the kitchen. She's still in my clothes with her back to me, making some coffee. For a minute I forget everything that happened the night before. She looks so at ease, like she belongs here. It's so easy to let my thoughts and fantasies take over me.

"Don't be a creep Edward. I know you're there watching me. Stop…it's weird."

There she is. That's her. She's not even looking my way, yet she knows I'm behind her, observing her. She calls me on it.

I guess she's feeling better now.

"Good morning, Bella. I take it you slept well." I say with no emotion in my voice.

She turns to glare at me. I'm not so sure why. When she's about to reply, with a snarky remark, I'm sure, her cell phone rings. She looks momentarily startled, like she forgot she had it with her. After a second, she reacts hastily and leaves the kitchen to answer it.

I grab my hair in frustration at everything and decide to drink some water. I can't help it; I listen in on her conversation. I can only hear pieces of it; she's talking in a hushed irritated tone.

"…I had to take care of something…No…Yes, I am aware of that…someone was supposed to be doing that…yes…I…no…that is not part of my duties….but…yes…I'll take care of it."

Before I can pretend I wasn't listening, she strides past me in angry quick steps back to my room. I decide not to follow her. Instead I search for my phone and drop down on the biggest sofa of my living room. There are two text messages, both from Emmett.

_**You have to tell me about her! Call me, ASAP.**_

_**So I take it you finally got laid, huh bro? Call me once you're done ;)**_

That's what they both said. I'm not quite sure why I told him I met a girl last night. At the moment it just seemed better than "Hey brother, I had to leave the club because this hot and complicated married woman I'm sleeping with decided to show up and have a meltdown." Yeah, not likely.

But now, I'm starting to regret telling him that. I'm sure he'll want details: name, occupation, was she good? What bra size does she wear?

I type a quick and vague reply and hit send. I'm hoping he would be still sleeping and answer me after a couple of hours.

Just as I'm starting to get up from the couch, I hear the unmistakable sound of heels against the tile floors. A couple of more steps and she emerges from the hallway wearing some really short shorts with one of my button down shirts. She looks so put together. She could fool anyone. No one would notice that she spent the most part of last night crying uncontrollably. No one would notice she spent last night molded against my body, sleeping soundly.

As usual, I'm so inside my head I don't realize she's going straight to the door. I snap into action and I'm able to close the door from behind her before she manages to go out. I trap her there with my body, her back to my chest, our hands touching on the knob. She lets out a big tired sigh.

"Where do you think you're going?" I ask her quietly.

She turns around to face me. I can see the fire in her eyes that I love and dread so much.

"_I _am going to fix the mess that happened last night." She spats with fury, like I know what the hell she's talking about. In my book, the only mess that needs to be fixed is our mess.

"What mess? What are you talking about? We're supposed to talk…You can't leave yet." I say evenly.

"I can and I will. I have to go pick up the pieces of the disaster of last night. _We _can talk later."

Pick up the pieces of the disaster of last night? I am the pieces. We are the disaster. She's got it all wrong.

"No, Bella. We _can't _talk later. We are going to talk now." I say with as much conviction in my voice as I can muster. She tries to open the door again, but I stop her.

"Edward, let go of the damn door. I have to get out of here."

Why did I think this could be easy? Nothing is easy when it comes to her. If last night was any clue of how things were going to happen, I'm in for a hell of a ride.

I don't break my hold on the knob. Instead, I inch closer to her. I try really hard not to breathe in her scent. It takes all of me not to do it.

"Isabella…just turn around, sit, and let's talk…please."

"What are we supposed to talk about exactly? You ruining last night for me? You marching into that party to taunt me and make me look like a fool? If you hadn't been there, I wouldn't have left the party in the hands of stupid incompetent people, who now need me to fix their mistakes."

I'm not sure I follow her line of thoughts. The only thing that stood out to me was the bit about me ruining last night for her. Is she kidding? She ruined last night for _me _in all the possible ways.

"I ruined last night for you? Do you want to rethink that? Rephrase it, maybe? Because that's not how I remember it, I— "

"And how do you remember it Edward? Me interfering with your pathetic intent of making me jealous? Is that how you see it? As if that stupid plain girl could ever compare to me…As if you failing to get her to go home with you last night is in any way, as important as me losing my job."

For a moment, I'm distracted about the part of her losing her job. It makes me feel like maybe there's something going on bigger that I really know. It worries me. Bella lives for that job. I don't want in any way to be responsible for her not having it anymore. I start to feel bad for a minute. But then I remember the rest of her words.

"My pathetic intent of making me jealous…That's how you see it…"

_It worked, didn't it?_ I want to say. I don't.

"Do you want to know why I was really there? Do you want me to make you feel better about yourself? Have at it, Isabella. Hear this. I was there because I didn't have anything better to do. Oh wait, I did. I was supposed to be with _you. _I was supposed to have you all to myself this weekend. And what happened? Work happened. As usual. Your all time favorite excuse for when you don't care enough to see me."

She lowers her eyes as I talk. Her entire body tenses. She's fidgeting, trying to find a way out of the little cage I've formed with my body and the door. While I'm speaking, she manages to get past me, back into the living room. She's trying to put as much distance between us as she can. She walks around the apartment a couple times, just trying to get away. I follow her and keep talking.

"No, Bella…don't run away…listen to me…you wanted to know right? Or didn't you? Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I don't know when you lie to me? I _know! _I can tell when you cancel on me because of him. You chose him over me, over and over again.

And that's why I went to that stupid party. Because I was miserable! Because every time you decide I'm not good enough to be with you, I die a little more."

She's still walking away from me. We're walking in circles. Whenever one of my words hurt too badly, she turned around to glare at me or try to shut me up. I wouldn't stop. I just kept on talking above her voice.

It's this whole past year worth of pain. It's all the moments I've shared with her, which have been so perfect except for the ending. It's the fact that she leaves me broken-hearted each and every time she goes back to him. From the moment she left me on that hotel room, to last night. My whole heart is pouring out of me right now. I'm not holding back anything. Not the anger, not the pain, not the obsessive love I feel for her.

"Stop running around Bella…Just stop and listen to me."

Like a car wreck, she halts to a stop in the middle of the hallway we've walked through a thousand times today. She keeps her back to me. She looks defeated.

"Are you going to bring the "I said it wasn't a problem" card? Because between that and work, that's what you just _love _to say, don't you? But it is a problem. I hate it that you're with him. I hate it that you prefer being with him and sneaking around with me. I hate to just have a part of you, the part that no one knows. But it doesn't matter to you, does it? You just have to have us both. You just want to keep playing with both of us."

"Shut up, Edward." She says for the hundredth time. I ignore her again.

"I can't believe how selfish you are. What are you gaining from this? Is it money? Is it power? What is he giving you that I can't? What is he giving you that you can't leave him?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Edward. Shut up." Her voice is getting stronger. She hasn't scream that much. I predict she's on the verge of losing it.

"What is there to know? You come to have fun with me and then go back to have some more fun with him."

"Damn it, Edward, shut up! Just shut the hell up!" She screams at the top of her lungs, just like I knew she would; just like I wanted her to.

"Why?" I scream back. "Why do I have to shut up? Why do I have to stop now? Why-"

She surprises me by turning around to face me for the first time, since the war started. There are unshed tears in her eyes.

"Because I _left _him."

Time stops.

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><p><strong>*waves timidly* So, is this another cliff? <strong>

**I am so sorry for not updating sooner, the people who know me that are reading this, know that college sucks.**

**Anyway, I'll try to finish the next couple of chapters as soon as possible.**

**Thank you so much to everyone that has put me on story/author alert and on their favorites.**

**It makes me so happy, you have no idea. Thank You! **

**Let me know what you think of this one with a little review...do you still hate Bella? **

_**PS: If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.**_

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	7. A Twist In My Story

**_Disclaimer: The only thing that's mine is the plot of this story. SM owns._**

**_The name of this chapter comes from the lovely song A Twist In My Story by Secondhand Serenade._**

**_Mari is the best because she's good with words & numbers xD Big thanks!_**

**_Pretty please read A/N at the end._**

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><p><strong>Chapter 6: A Twist In My Story.<strong>

"_One's past is what one is._

_It is the only way by which people should be judged."_

_Oscar Wilde.~_

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><p>I've never had moments in my life that were worthy of slow motion. It's never happened to me.<p>

I know "slow motion" is not really possible in real life. However, I know that some moments in a person's life can feel that way.

The most important ones, the most terrifying ones, the ones that really matter; those are the ones which would feel like slow motion. The ones that you can't really believe are happening. Sometimes you want them to end, to move forward. Or maybe you want them to stop moving altogether; to savor them, to live in that frame of time for the rest of your life.

In any case, a "slow motion" moment is a defining one.

I've never had it. Until today, until now…it's happening right now.

Bella left him. She just told me. And it feels like time has ceased to exist. Nothing else matters. I feel like I'm not really here; as if this is not really happening.

Her lips are moving. She's talking. I think she's been talking for a while, but I'm too out of it to pay attention. I've heard bits and pieces of her sentences.

"…you just don't care apparently…see you in that club, with that girl…it's doesn't matter anymore…I'm just stupid…"

I think she's upset that I haven't said anything after she told me she left him. I think she's under the impression that it's not important. How wrong is she! If she only knew. If she only had any clue, any clue at all of the magnitude of my feelings for her.

If she only could get inside my brain, my heart, my soul, to know that she's the only thing that matters. The only thing that's ever mattered. I wish she could understand that this moment right now, that sentence she said, the passion in her eyes; are taking the breath out of me.

I try to focus on her, or better put, on what she's saying. I'm already focused on her. She's all I see. But I need to make sense of what she's saying. I will my brain to listen to her.

"I know this is not how it was supposed to go…I know…we weren't…I wasn't…but if you want me to just…if you don't want to be with me anymore I can—"

I still don't really understand where her line of thoughts has gone. But I stop her. I grab her waist, pull her to me and kiss her. I kiss her like it's the first and the last time I'll ever kiss someone again. I grab her hair and her waist and keep her as close to me as she can get. It's lips, tongues, teeth and passion. All the agony, all the bitterness, all the desperation; everything, I give her everything I have.

She nips, sucks and bites my bottom lip. She pulls hard on my hair and fists my shirt in her hand. She knows I love that. I make sounds that are loud and raw. I'm burning. We're burning together. I'm getting intoxicated by her essence.

We take turns pushing each other against the walls of the hallway. When it's my turn again I open the buttons of the shirt she's wearing. I kiss her chin, her neck, and her breasts. I can't stop. I grab her tights and lift her up. She wraps her legs around me and pulls my face to hers.

She kisses me as if she understood. As if she finally gets the immensity of my feelings for her. She is kissing me with more than just lust or animalistic passion. It's deeper than that. I'm drowning in her touch. In the way her lips mold against mine, in the way her hands grab my hair and caress my back.

If we keep this up, I'll take her right here against this wall. It wouldn't be the first time.

She moves her mouth to my neck.

"Did…you…really leave him?" I pant breathlessly. She murmurs a quite yes to my skin, before resuming her nibbling.

Suddenly, a strange paranoia settles inside me. For a moment I'm concern with the fact that this is all we ever do. Bella and I rarely talk. We have sex, eat, and fight. That's what we do. But It needs to change.

She's already working to get me out of my pants. I still her movements with my hands.

"Bella, Stop…" I say sadly. I'm a man. Of course I don't really want to stop. But we need to talk.

She looks at me as if she can't believe me. Nevertheless, she stops.

"Why?" She asks so softly. It almost pains me to hear it. She feels rejected. For the first time ever I wonder, really wonder, what Bella has been through. Everyone has a story. People have different backgrounds, different situations that made them who they are. I've never questioned Isabella for her behavior.

I don't really know where my common sense has been this past year. Why haven't I asked her the right questions? Why have I let her play me the way she has?

I'm about to get lost in my turmoil of internal rhetorical questions when I look at her. The answer magically appears. There's no room for questions when I look at her. Her hair is a mess, all curls and tangles. Her lips are red and swollen from our kiss. Her skin is flushed with the most gorgeous pink color. Her clothes are out of place. Her eyes are bright, deep brown, confused and mysterious. She's my answer. She's my common sense.

"We need to talk…" I tell her, answering her question from a few minutes ago.

"You want to stop seeing me." She says with conviction, fixing her hair and her clothes.

I sigh and tug at my hair. I want to roll my eyes at her so bad. Can't she see what I really want? I've asked her to stay here with me a million times. She must know. She must know how I feel. Maybe she's just toying with me, as she usually does. Maybe she's looking for reassurance. I've always seen these little acts of her as cruelty. When in reality, they're insecurity. I don't know why it took me so long to figure it out.

"No, Bella…that's not it. I want to know everything. I want to know everything about you…everything about him…I _need _to know all of you Bella…"

"You already know me." Her voice sounds so weak. I think I'll never be able to understand how she can do this. How she can change from one mood to the other so fast. She turns her back to me. She's still close to me. I still can touch her. I don't.

"No, Bella…I don't know you…tell me…just tell me…did you really leave him? Why? What took you so long? Why were you with him in the first place? Share your story with me Bella, I don't care if you're scared…I promise I won't judge. I just need to know, your past, your present, everything…please sweetheart…don't deny me." I coax her softly.

After a big sigh and a look of defeat so heavy in her eyes, she proceeds to tell me. She tells me about the disaster that was her parent's marriage. How his father, a really important business man, cheated on her mother constantly, and as a result her mother turned into an addict. She told me about being bullied in high school because everyone knew her situation at home and casted her out socially for it.

I listen intently to her story. As sad as it makes me to know the bad things that happened to her, it's fascinating to get to know her; really know her. We started off sitting on the floor of my hallway, but after my muscles couldn't take it anymore, we moved to the living room. We sat on the biggest couch; she curled on top of me and played with my shirt. In the meantime, I caress her arms and hair. When she got to the hardest parts, her voice broke. Like when she told me about having to check her mom into a rehab center and dealing with the aftermath of living alone with a father who didn't give a shit about her.

This was all before she graduated high school.

Her senior year was torture. Her mom was still in rehab, because her process was slow. She didn't want to be helped. Bella spent almost all of her free time going back and forth to the center. She didn't really have a social life. Her peers continued to look down on her, and then she went from bullied to being ignored altogether. I think it was worse for her. I think after the hard times she had in her family, attention is what she needed the most, maybe in any form.

I don't tell her this of course. I stay quite throughout her whole tale. I just pet her hair and kiss her forehead when the need to do so strikes me.

She surprised me when she tells me she wanted to be a journalist. She wanted to write for an opinion column in an important newspaper. And she intended to really do it. After high school she went to Europe to a prestigious university. Being her father a busy business man, who didn't really want her close, money wasn't an issue. Her mom was improving and was even considering filling for a divorce. Bella told me about being scared at first. She didn't want to leave her mother behind. She knew she was being taken good care of, but she was still apprehensive.

It wasn't until a visit, where she had a real serious talk with her mother that she decided to change everything. The process of rehabilitation was hard on her mom, and she had to fight depression along with her addiction to prescribed pills. But there were days better than others, where she had clear and smart thoughts to share with her daughter. On what of those days she encouraged Bella to go to Europe.

She told her how she deserved a fresh start, where no one knew about her past. She could be free of all the judgmental looks she had live with her whole life. Her mom advised her to be strong and not let anyone look down on her anymore. She asked her to never care for other's people feelings more than her own. She used herself as an example. How her unconditional love to Bella's father had placed her in a position where she didn't know herself anymore.

Bella went to London with those thoughts tattooed on her mind and heart. She set herself the task of, for once in her life, standing out and being free. She started to work on her confidence and the way she looked. She told me how, as soon as she started dressing according to fashion trends and her amount of money, she started dating.

"Guys are no different because of the country. They care about a woman's appearance much more than they should. It doesn't matter what part of the world they're in." She said sadly.

She admitted how she disregarded her studies for her social life. She went out almost every weekend and got crappy grades on almost every subject. She even lost her passion and love for journalism. It didn't really appeal to her anymore. She was in love with the attention she was getting. Girls hanged out with her, because now she had the same interests than them; looking good, staying fit, shopping, going out with hot guys. And guys wanted her for the new found sexuality in her.

In the blur of social gatherings she was in, she met Rosalie Hale and Tyler Crowley; two Americans that were studying abroad like her. They introduced her to the world of magazine design and publishing and she soon found herself changing career paths.

She graduated a year later than them but kept in touch with Rosalie, who had come back to the country. Thanks to their friendship, Bella got an internship in Los Angeles.

"By the time I started living in LA, I was already sick of everything. I kind of wanted a fresh start again, just like London was for me. But it was impossible. I would've never made it. It's a dog eat dog world. I had to be tough. I had to keep using my ways to get what I wanted, and if that meant being a bitch, well I was going to be one."

She met James, her husband, while interring in LA. He was the CEO of a computer company in Seattle who started courting her while on his business trip. She told me he treated her good and was unimpressed with the glitz and glamour of the live in Los Angeles. It instantly attracted her to him. That's how at the end of her internship, that happened to be the end of his trip to LA, she packed up everything and came here to Seattle.

It was hard for her to find a job that was both stimulating and prestigious. Seattle is not really known for its fashion industry, but eventually she landed a small job in the magazine she's currently directing.

She married James 4 years ago at the age of 24. They dated exclusively for a year before he proposed.

"I said yes, of course. I wasn't in love with him…It wasn't in me to love anyone. But…I thought he'd make a good husband…like…if I had to spend the rest of my life with someone, he'd be a good choice."

She talked about him in a robotic voice; like he's of no importance whatsoever. It was shocking to me at first. I always thought he was more important to her. But she's not even in love with him. I had to bite my tongue to keep from yelling at her. I wanted to know why she hadn't left him. She put me out of my misery before I lost it. She said they were trapped in a mindless circle. That it was easier for both of them to just get on with their lives, to not complicate everything with a divorce. She's aware he's cheated on her, but she doesn't care nor blames him.

"About year and a half of our marriage, I was beginning to be successful at the magazine. I was climbing my way up. I was still taking orders from snobs, and running coffee errands, but I wasn't the "new girl" anymore. But one day out of nowhere he didn't want me to work anymore and when I didn't stop, he started treating me differently. He said I was more in love with my job than him…which was true. When he saw I didn't even flinch when he said that, he started paying no attention to me, working late every night. He wouldn't call or let me know, he would just miss dates and dinners. We became strangers, more than we already were…but it was kind of easy for me. I had a successful husband, I was respected and accepted in the social circles…and he…well I still don't know what he had…" She trailed off.

I mull over her words again and again. I mull over her words again and again while we take a break to eat. I'm now standing in the kitchen pulling plates and silverware to place our newly delivered food. She's been silent for a while and each time I catch her eyes, she looks down as if embarrassed.

After I cleared our plates, I ask her to join me on the couch again. Without me having to ask her she starts speaking again.

"When it was our two year wedding anniversary, we didn't meet or anything…and for some strange reason, I started crying. I had a full out breakdown, I cried that whole night. It was so weird. It felt like I hadn't cry in forever. I was so desperate for it to stop…I…I tried to find some anxiety pills, but of course we didn't have any. It scared me, because it reminded me of my mother. I didn't want to be like her…but I felt so lonely, so insignificant…and then I met you."

My breath hitches when I think of Bella ever feeling insignificant, as much as she means to me. It's just inconceivable. I can't help but feeling a bit thrown off by her mention of me. I thought she wouldn't talk about me at all. And, now that she has, I want her to keep going.

"What about me?" I ask slowly.

She breathes deeply and looks up at me sweetly. I've never seen that look in her eyes before; so sweet, so tender. There's a small smile in her lips. My heart ignites on fire at the sight.

"You...you were so different."

"Different how?"

"Just everything Edward…everything is different about you…you are probably one of the most handsome men there is and yet you…you aren't cocky or shallow…on the contrary, you're extremely smart and nice. You talked to me with both vulnerability and strength in your voice. Your voice is so unique, and your eyes…I just see goodness and kindness when I look at them…and I don't even know what those things are."

I stare at her with my mouth hanging open. I thought she was going to talk to me about sex. Maybe say how I was giving her the release her husband wasn't. She didn't mention our sexual activities not even once.

I still don't know why she has made the decision to leave her husband. Was it because of me? I stop myself before getting my hopes up.

"Bella, I—"

I'm cut off by the annoying sound of her cell phone ringing. I cringe notoriously when I hear it. If there's a sound I hate, it's the one of her BlackBerry.

She moves from her spot on my lap and does the unimaginable. For the first time since I've met Bella, she silences it and comes back to me.

I think with amazement, that maybe…just maybe…I can let myself hope.

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><p><strong>Mari said this was another cliff...I don't really think so...but if it is SORRY.<strong>

**Once again Thank You so Much for your support. It means a lot.**

**So, now you kind of know a bit about Bella and she's being nicer, yes? Let me know if you still hate her.**

**Also, reviewers get a little teaser of next chapter. ;) **

**_PS: _**_**If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.**_

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	8. Against The First One

_**Disclaimer: **_The only thing that's mine is the plot of this story. SM owns._****_

_****_Thank you to Mari for being so cool. I heart her. _****_

_****_Pretty Please read the A/N at the end._****_

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><p><strong>Chapter 7: Against The First One.<strong>

_A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, _

_and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal._

_Oscar Wilde. ~_

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><p>My alarm clock wakes me at 6:00 am. It's only Wednesday and I'm already tired. This week has been crazy. I have a case that's driving me nuts. It was the first thing I got on Monday morning; a lawsuit. I hate lawsuits. They require so much work, so much strategy. They wear me out.<p>

I go through with my morning routine; brushing teeth, shower, and coffee. By 7:30 I'm ready to head to the office. Before I make it to the car in the parking lot my cell phone chirps in my pocket. I groan internally thinking that is my secretary with messages of my client. He is one annoying person.

I don't pull out the phone till I'm seated comfortably in my car. I was wrong apparently. It's not my secretary. It's Emmett.

_**Are we still on for lunch?**_

I made the promise to eat lunch with him some time during the week, last Sunday. He was so persistent. I didn't know the crappy week that was ahead of me. I decide to be honest in my reply.

_**I don't know Em, I'm extra busy.**_

Almost immediately I get his answer. I sigh when I read it.

_**Don't you dare cancel this one Edward. We have to talk. You promised.**_

I don't send him anything back. I start the car and go to the office. If I'm being honest with myself I'm not really looking forward to this lunch. I'm actually truly scared. I don't know how he's going to take the Isabella's news.

_Bella… _I think internally. I still can believe it was only three days ago the last time I saw her. I miss her already.

I never thought I'd see the day, when I was the one asking her to leave my apartment. She seemed so reluctant.

* * *

><p><em>As much as I enjoy our comfortable silence, I have to break it. We can't keep dodging the big elephant in the room.<em>

"_So…you left him…why now?" I ask with trepidation. I'm honestly afraid of her answer. Although I feel closer to her emotionally, more that I've ever been, she's still Bella. I know she can go from one mood to another in a second. I know she has the ability to render me speechless, to distract me. I can see a little shift in our dynamic, but truth is she's still the one with the power._

"_Yes…I left him. It's actually been a few months now. I filed for a divorce and it's still taking place, but…um…we don't even live together anymore." She admits with some shame in her voice. _

_I can't stop myself; I lift her off of me. I tug hard at my hair. I can't believe her. She's been without him for months. She took this decision some time ago and I'm _just _hearing it now. Who knows when she would've told me? Or…maybe she doesn't want me to know? Maybe she's finally going to stop seeing me altogether. Maybe she's going to have a fresh start again; no men. _

_I stand up from the couch and start pacing, frantically pulling my hair. She sits there quite for a while. This is certainly not how I saw things going. I mean…with Bella, nothing is ever as I would like but…I thought that, I don't know…_

"_Edward? Can you stop doing that?" She asks quietly from her place. I stop mid stride and turn to face her. I challenge her with my eyes to tell me exactly what I should stop. She flinches a little before speaking again. "You're going to go bald if you keep that up and I like your hair." She says gesturing to my hand that is yet again buried in my locks. _

"_Why didn't you tell me? Do you have any idea what goes through my mind every time you go away?" I ask her raising my voice a bit._

"_I wanted to. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how he was going to take it…So I decided to wait until it was progressing and then I thought it'd be nice to tell you when…when it was all done." Her voice drops considerably at the last sentence. _

"_So you did it for me? You left him…to be with me?" I say in a low voice. The idea of Bella finally choosing me it's too good to be true. Could it be? Can we actually-finally be together in a normal relationship? My heart and body are too aware of the possibility of having Bella all to myself. Without it feeling like a dirty secret anymore. _

_She stands up and walks to me. She stands in front of me and scans my face deliberately. She stands on her tiptoes and kisses me softly, lightly on the cheek. I close my eyes and lose myself in the feather like touch of her lips. I'm not sure this is the Bella I'm used to, but it could definitely be. _

"_I never thought I could be with someone like you. I've been trying so hard to downplay what we have…but I want you so much Edward. You have no idea. It's…terrifying."_

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><p>I remember kissing her after she said that. She admitted to wanting me. I was beyond happy. We talked so much that day. <em>She <em>talked so much. I'm in love with her voice. Not the one that seduces me to bed every time, but the vulnerable one; the one that told me her secrets and her feelings, the one that asked me if I would keep her in my life.

If I was in love before I don't know what the hell I am now.

_I'm dating her._

It pained me to do so, but I couldn't force Bella into a full relationship right now. After hearing all about her past I just couldn't do it. She needs time to heal, to become used to the idea of love and partnership. Even though there's nothing I want more than for her to live with me, she's just not ready.

It's so sad really. She thinks that if she loses the hold and lock she has on her emotions, she's going to become her mother. She thinks she'll end up as a depressed addict. I know she must be better than before. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been able to open up to me like last Sunday.

I felt her guarded and still so scared. But I'll prove her wrong. I'll show her how great feelings can be. I'll be everything she needs me to be. It's not uncommon for people to be healed by love. Bella is not broken, or damaged; she's just scared. She doesn't believe that things can turn out okay for her. She is just holding her emotions back for fear of losing control.

When I get to the office my secretary hands me a stack of paper without saying a word. It's just information. I have to have all the information I can get to go through with this case and win it. Besides, my client is just too difficult to work with; I don't want to add surprises on top of that. I'd rather have information that won't be used at the end, than to be lacking.

My morning is filled with reading, typing, talking on the phone and by lunch time I'm as needy of a break as I can get. The thing is I don't usually take breaks. I dive into work and unless is not done or remotely close to done for the day, I don't stop. However, my exhaustion hits just in time, because now I can meet with Emmett.

I arrange to meet him in a nearby restaurant. It's kind of far from where he is, but he didn't protest. He must be dying to know. I know he is.

I'm scared. My brother is not the average type of person. He's usually so joyful and easy going. But I've seen things rub him the wrong way. And when it does, it's unpredictable.

I get to the place earlier than him and order some water. I wait almost thirty minutes before he shows up. We greet and place of orders before he asks me anything.

"So…what's up with you?" He leans back in his seat. His face is serious, an expression I rarely see on him.

"I need to tell you something." I say looking at him in the eyes. I'm really nervous but I need to do this. If Bella and I are going to be together for real, she's going to meet my family. It can't start with a lie. I've had enough of them already.

Emmett smiles knowingly. "Well, I kind of figured that out when you said so last weekend. Is this about that girl you took home from the party? You never really told me how that went."

I sigh and tug at my hair. I can't help it.

"Well, it is about that girl actually. It's just…she's not…just any girl, you know? She's…I'm…" I struggle to find the words. I don't know what I should tell him first. I don't know how to form these sentences without sounding like a complete jerk.

"Edward, just spill it. What is it?" He says on the edge on losing his patience.

"I've been dating—not dating, sleeping with a woman…a married woman." I say the last part in an extra low voice. I've never really got around to how ashamed it actually makes me feel. I don't regret my moments with Bella. Nevertheless, it's not something I'm proud of.

"What do you mean you've been sleeping with a married woman?" My brother almost screams at me. He realized his indiscretion and lowers his voice to a whisper. At the moment he is more shocked than angry so I assume it's not going to be too bad. I was wrong.

I told him everything that has been going on with me and Isabella. He didn't interrupt me so I just kept on talking. I don't think I took a breath in that whole story. He remained silent and stoic through it all. At the end, when I told him about running into her at the party and the breakdown she had afterwards, I see some annoyance in his face. I didn't exactly tell him Bella's background but I think I made it clear that she's had it rough.

By the time I was telling him about her divorce I was kind of tired of talking.

"Say something…" I beg him. Our waiter took away our plates but hasn't brought the check.

"I gotta say Edward, this doesn't sound like you at all. I mean, I always thought you needed some adventure or something, but not _this. _What exactly were you thinking? You're a lawyer. People trust and respect you, don't they? Are you ready to lose all that?"

It annoys me how he is making it sound like Bella it's an adventure. Although I know what he's saying is kind of true, it irks me that he brought it up.

"I'm not going to _lose _anything. She's getting a divorce, didn't you hear me?"

"Yes, I heard _all _about that. How much do you know about this divorce she's getting? Do you know if she's actually getting one?" He asks in a condescending tone. Due to our professions and personalities, I think I forget Emmett is older than me. He's sure reminding me now.

His tones, his questions, the look on disbelief in his face are irritating me more and more. I'm also aware of how much work time I'm wasting by being here with him.

"I believe she's getting one. She wouldn't have said so otherwise." I say with false calm in my voice. I drink all the water in my glass trying to hold back my emotions.

"Right, because she has given you so much reason for you to trust her. Jeez, for such a smart person you are just clueless."

As the petulant child I never was, I get up from the table. I go straight to the counter and pay the bill. When I'm in the parking lot, I feel my brother's steps quick behind me. I don't turn around.

"What the hell is your problem? Since when do you run out on a conversation?" He half yells at me. As much as I want to open the car door, get in and go back to work, I don't. Instead, I turn around to face him.

"Since you decided to be and ass. I was trying to be honest."

"After a whole _year _of you sneaking around and lying to me? Am I supposed to throw you a party because of this? Admit it! The only reason you're coming clean about this, is because you _think _she left him."

His words hit me hard. In the back of my mind, I know he's right. If Bella hadn't said anything about her divorce, I probably wouldn't be having this conversation. If our relationship had finished last weekend, it would've ended being a secret forever between her and me.

However, my need to protect Bella is bigger than any rights or wrongs. The fact that he's trying to downplay Bella's news of her divorce as a lie, annoys me more than anything. He doesn't know her. He doesn't know how her mind works. He can't tell me she's lying about that. I know she isn't.

"She did! She left him. Why is that so hard for you to believe? Why are you so dead set on turning me against her? Are you trying to bring me down or something?" He flinches a little at my harsh tone. I spat the last question without really thinking. I don't know where it came from. I don't think Emmett is trying to rain on my parade or anything. I'm just so mad at him. I expected some rejection to the news but never to this extent.

It's safe to say this is not the way I thought things would go.

"Bring you down? I think you're already there brother. I'm just being _honest. _I'm just trying to be the voice of wisdom since you are clearly in need of it. Do you think this is the type of relationship a person like you should be engaging? What do you think Mom and Dad are going to say about this, Edward?"

The mention of my parents is a low blow. He knows I work as hard as I can to make them proud. I worship them as a couple and as individual beings. It has troubled me deeply to talk to them on the phone; hearing my mom's constant complaint about me being single. I've been lying to them as well.

But that's my issue. He shouldn't have said that. I'll deal with my parents. I'll tell them everything and pray for them to be happy for me eventually.

"I sure as hell hope they can see past this, unlike you apparently." I say defeated. This whole encounter has me tired.

I never fight with Emmett. We've had heated arguments about trivial things; never like this. It makes me sad. Some stupid male macho pride or something won't let me show it. For now, I feel comfortable trying to appear strong before him.

"You're being irrational Edward." He tells me in the same condescending tone he has been using all day.

Words came easily throughout this whole argument, yet now when I need them the most; they failed me. When I realized I have nothing to say, I shrug and turn around.

I open the door, start the car and drive away.

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><p><strong>So, Surprise! I think this is the fastest I've updated till date.<strong>

**It's just because you guys are so awesome! Whenever I see the amount of hits and visitors**

**or when I get those lovely emails of Story Alerts/Reviews/Favorites etc.. my heart leaps and it becomes the**

**best part of my day. Honestly; thank you! Also, thanks to my friends for giving this story a try and being so kind and awesome about**

**it to me. I love you all. **

**Next update, not sure when but I'll try to be quick. In the meantime, let me hear you**

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**_PS: _**_**If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.**_

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	9. Clouded Insights & a Simple Solution

_**Disclaimer: SM owns the characters, I just get a great feeling from writing this.**_

**_Huge thanks to my friend Mari, who is simply Amazingly Awesome! _**

**_As always, please read A/N at the end. _**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8: Clouded Insights &amp; a Simple Solution.<strong>

"_Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever."_

_Keri Russell. ~_

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><p>My drive back to work feels like a hundred miles away. I'm feeling kind of numb. I don't want to get inside my head because I know it will be hard to get out.<p>

I don't want to think about what Emmett said. I know Bella is getting a divorce. I just know it. I don't need to talk to her lawyer or anything to believe her. I also know where Emmett's coming from, but I'm too mad to be understanding. For now I feel disappointed. It's like the person who, in his own way, gets me the most is suddenly too closed minded to support me.

Thankfully I get to the office, before I start to really think about everything.

My secretary, Jessica, receives me with a scowl on her face. Surely my clients have been bugging her in my absence. I take all the messages with boredom, already knowing what they're going to say. Once I'm seated in my desk and have started back my work, Jessica comes in with a forgotten message.

"Mr. Cullen, a woman called, an Isabella Swan. She asked me to tell you to call her." She says slowly. As if it's a surprise a female is calling me.

When I process everything, I realize it _is _a surprise for Bella to call me at work. At first, I'm shocked but then I get worried. Maybe something happened.

_Why didn't she call my cell phone? _ I wonder at the same time I touch it in my pocket. As I retrieve it, the memory of turning it off while being with Emmett hits me. _Shit! _

I pull the device hastily and turn it on quickly. All the while Jessica is still in the room staring at me. I motion her with my hand to leave. After she gives me a look that clearly states she knows something's going on, she retrieves herself back to the front of the office.

When my cell phone is finally available to use, it starts chipping with alert sounds.

_Five missed calls._

_Two text messages._

_One voice mail. _

I slowly begin to panic as I consider all the reasons Isabella would feel the need to call. I decide to check the voice mail first.

It was the sanest choice I've made in a long time. Her voice through the receiver instantly puts me at ease. I can't stop the smile that her words bring to my face. I'm so relieved to know there's nothing wrong, that I don't make sense of what she's saying. I press repeat and promise myself to concentrate.

"_No, I'm busy. Don't you see I'm on the phone? I'll deal with it later…Um, Hi Edward. I… I don't really know what to do. You always answer my calls. I've never left a message before…This is weird. Anyway, the thing is…I want to see you. I was wondering if we could meet. So call me back, okay? I mean…please. Bye." _

I smile through her whole speech. She's cute and she warms my heart. I know that if people heard this, they wouldn't make anything out of it. But I can tell. I can tell she's trying.

I call her right away and she answers at the second ring. _Yes, definitely trying. _

"Hi." She says simply. I hear some rustling in the background.

"Hi, Bella." I breathe into the phone.

"Hold on a second." I hear some more rustling and loud traffic sounds, but then I don't hear anything but her.

"I'm here now."

"I can tell you're busy. I'm sorry for interrupting." This is the first time I'm calling her without the fear of making her mad at me. It doesn't stop me from feeling a bit out of place; like maybe I shouldn't have called her at all. I lower my voice to a barely audible sound. "I'm just returning your calls."

"Yes," she sighs, "why didn't you answer? I was…I mean…I thought you…I…" She stops herself from telling me what she really wants to say.

"What?" I prompt her. "You were what? What did you think?" I challenge her. The change of tone in my voice lets her know I'm daring her. I'm daring her to speak up, to tell me.

"I was worried about you okay? Happy now?" I can't contain the grin that forms on my face. Bella needs to share her emotions with me. She needs to trust me enough to talk to me. I don't plan on demanding her to do so, but a little push might help once in a while.

"Extremely." I answer her. I'm sure she can hear my happiness through the phone.

"Really Edward? Arrogance? I didn't know you had it in you…" She teases.

"It comes out sometimes…whenever I'm not brooding, you know?" I instantly regret adding that bit at the end. We're supposed to form a casual, easy relationship.

"Well, brooding is almost as hot as confidence so…"

I breathe a sigh of relief, glad that she went on flirting instead of killing our conversation.

We end up agreeing to meet Friday night at seven. We're having dinner. Not takeout, but actual dinner in a real restaurant.

In public.

Together.

I'm ecstatic.

I'm nervous.

I tug at my hair and get back to work.

I leave the office late at night. I didn't stop working at all. I immersed myself in reading and analyzing. The truth is I don't want to think about what's going on in my life.

My conversation with Emmett is still present in my mind. I don't want to have time to _really _think about it. Then, there's Isabella, who I'm going to take out for dinner in two days. I don't know if I want time to move faster or to stop altogether.

I wish I could peek ahead of time and see how that night is going to go. I wish I could know for sure when the right time to talk to my parents is going to be. I wish I knew whether to call Emmett or let him call me first.

I stop my line of thought before I can dwell in them. I don't want to call Emmett. That would mean I think he's right and I don't.

_Or maybe I do but won't admit it…_

I sigh in frustration at myself.

Thankfully I arrive home and the process of getting in and doing my night routine distracts me a bit. Not enough, but a bit.

I can stop myself from thinking about Emmett. After all, I'm not even used to be worried about our bond.

Isabella is another thing.

My thoughts drift to her easily, particularly while I'm in the shower. We've had lots of amazing moments inside these slippery walls. It's unfortunate I have to revisit them alone and take care of things myself, as usual. I spend more time alone than with her after all.

Even though my memories never do her justice, it's enough to help me finish. After the water runs cold and my breathing returns to normal, I get out of the shower. I eat a light midnight snack and settle for bed. Since most of my prep work is done, I don't set my alarm.

I wake up at 8:00 a.m. feeling like it's the middle of the night. The dark, heavy curtains on my window don't let any light come through. I'm disoriented the first couple of minutes. I feel sore muscles on my neck and back. _Fuck! This week is wearing me out. _

My cell phone rings in the living room and I panic a bit. _What if it's Emmett? _For a second I really indulge myself thinking he's going to apologize, tell me he's going to support me.

I can't help but to be disappointed it's not him. It's my client, Mr. Black. _God, he's such a pain._ I answer him in the politest way I can manage. It turns out that after he's been after me for days and completely stubborn to follow my guidance about this lawsuit and settle this politely, he now wants to back out. Despite my advice to arrange a meeting with both parties involved, to get this new arrangement on paper and avoid future disagreements, he refuses. Against my better judgment I decide to just let him do whatever he wants.

That means all my work and research this past days have been in vain. Nevertheless, I'm just happy I don't have to deal with him anymore.

I call Jessica and let her know what to do. I'll be going to the office in the afternoon. I didn't know what a bad choice that was going to be. With Mr. Black off my back, I'm left with plenty of unproductive time. It's never been a good thing.

Whenever I have too much time with nothing to do, my mind finds comfort in destroying my sanity.

The rest of the morning it's filled with mini panic attacks about my family. Emmett really did something when he brought my parents up yesterday. I can't help but fear for our relationship. What if they don't approve of Bella? What if the beginning of our relationship turns out to be too much for them?

I have a handful of questions and anxiety. I hate feeling like this. I didn't know that meeting Bella would bring so much uncertainty to my life. I don't regret it, but I wish things were easier.

I eat lunch with no hunger whatsoever. I've been imagining different outcomes out of the top three situations that plague me. First, the conversation with my parents about Isabella; I don't know _when _to talk to them. All I know, the sooner the better. I don't know _how _or _what _to tell them to make it easier. I've pictured them having a crazy fit about me lying to them for a year and most importantly being involved with a married woman.

Then, there's Emmett, who hasn't called me yet. I've been considering calling him just to get it over with. The thing is I haven't come to terms with being the one to reach out to him. I might have lied to him these past months, but I didn't hurt him as he hurt me. Since I really don't feel like digging deeper into our conversation, I haven't had the chance to imagine any kind of scenario for a possible meeting. The truth is for some reason his words have wounded me. In my experience that means he has to be right about something. I'm not sure I can deal with that.

Finally, my upcoming first real date with Bella. I don't know where I should take her. I'm afraid things will be so awkward and weird, we won't enjoy ourselves. I'm terrified that she'll think it's boring or dull and gets sick of me without even trying.

The thought of losing her now, when I'm so close to really having her makes me want to die. I've always known that it's not enough to just get the girl; you have to work to keep her too. I know she's worth it. I know I'll have to do something, really _do _something that makes her realize we're perfect for each other; because we are. In a strange, crazy, consuming, not really healthy way, we are perfect together.

I end up going to the office at two in the afternoon. It's earlier than what I had in mind, but I had to get out of my house. When I arrive at the office, Jessica has the biggest smile on her face. I look at her strangely since it's a rare look in her. I'm even more thrown aback when she's greets me in a chirp voice.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Cullen! You're early. No messages to report, although I have to remind you about the meeting with a potential client tomorrow. That's about it." She finishes with exaltation in her voice. Although I'm not used to talk to Jessica much, I can't stop myself from engaging in conversation with her. I could definitely use the distraction.

"Good afternoon, Jessica. Yes, the meeting, thank you. May I ask what has you in such a high spirit today?" I continue to look at her apprehensively. She gives me a smile that makes me think I'm supposed to know something.

"Oh, you know Mr. Cullen, no more Mr. Black!" She sighs happily. I chuckle thinking about always bitter pissed up Jessica, talking to the always demanding Mr. Black. She takes my reaction as indication to keep on talking. "Let me tell you about that man, he thinks everyone is below him. He's the most obnoxious client I've had to deal with and you know we've had some tough ones. I'm so glad things got cancelled, because now I can leave early for my date." She takes on a dreamy look on her eyes.

"Well Jessica, Mr. Black would've paid for your entire check this month, so you shouldn't be too happy about the cancellation. I assume you've talked to someone about this leaving early thing." I give her a mocking severe look. I don't mind her leaving early if we have not much to do. However, I need to remind her that I'm still her boss.

She looks down ashamed and drops her voice to a whisper. "Yes, of course Mr. Cullen. I was just going to ask you…Um, Is it okay if I leave early today?" I smile a bit. Maybe she took it harsher than I intended. I let her know that it's okay and make to step into my office when I consider the possibility of Jessica helping me out. I turn around to face her and decide to go for it.

"Jessica, where should I take a girl on a first date? I mean, not a girl, a woman. And I don't mean like a good restaurant, because I know a lot of good restaurants and I know _she _knows good restaurants. That won't impress her." I smack myself mentally. I'm such a tool. Rambling is kind of a nervous habit of mine. Thank God it doesn't come out in the court. I would have to kill myself if it did.

My secretary looks surprised at first, like she's not sure what to tell me. Then she gets contemplative, as if she understood what I meant, and it's trying to really help me out.

"Would you mind telling me how this girl —woman is, personality wise?"

Do you have a lifetime? I want to ask her. How can I describe Isabella to her?

She's fire, explosive, passion, independent, a rollercoaster.

She's scared, sensitive, vulnerable, locked inside a shell I want to break.

"She's just…different. She's really something." _Yes, Edward, you graduated top of your class. _

Jessica continues to look strangely at me. I don't blame her. After a few minutes of awkward silence, she speaks up.

"Well, since _"good restaurants" _are out of the picture, you could always take her to do something unusual; maybe an outdoors activity, unless she's not the outdoorsy type... If she's into art I can look for museums and the likes for you." She says at the same time she grabs the mouse of her computer.

I picture Isabella and I on an art museum and I can almost see her eye roll at my nerdy antics.

"No Jessica. I don't think outdoor activities or museums might do the trick. I need to do something she's never done before; something that she goes home thinking I'm the only one who would do that for her."

She looks at me and smiles softly. "That's really sweet. Perhaps you're looking too deep into this Mr. Cullen. Sometimes girls appreciate more the little gestures. Those are the ones that men rarely do. If she's used to fancy restaurants, maybe she just wants to eat a burger once in a while. You know, take the high heels off for a while, and go to somewhere she can just...be."

I realize that what Jessica says is just what I need. A place she can just be. That's what I want.

"You're right, Jessica. Thanks." I smile kindly.

As I go back to my office, I decide which will be perfect place to take Isabella.

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><p><strong>Hey there! I'm so sorry for the time it took me to update. <strong>**I'm already working on next chapter so hopefully I'll update soon.**

****So, did you like this chapter? Where do you think E is going to take B in their date?****

********Theories? Ideas? Let me know.****

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**_PS: _**_**If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.**_

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	10. Slow Surrender

_**Disclaimer: SM owns the characters, I just get a great feeling from writing this.**_

**_Huge thanks to my friend Mari, who words cannot describe. Love You!_**

**_As always, please read A/N at the end._**

* * *

><p>Chapter 9: Slow Surrender<p>

"I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down.

That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are."

J. D. Salinger

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><p>"Can I ask you a question?" I breathe into the phone.<p>

"You just did." She says mocking me.

I roll my eyes at her antics. I decide not give importance to her remark and just ask her. If not, I would simply lose the opportunity to do so.

"If you've been living on your own for a while now, why couldn't I call you before?"

It's ten o'clock of a Thursday night. I've been laying in bed for about an hour now, just talking to her. After today's day at work, I needed a distraction. What better distraction than her? I kept thinking about our date tomorrow, and I ended up losing it. Although I already know what we will be doing, that doesn't mean that she'll like it.

I decided to text her asking her if I could call her. She didn't send me a text back. She did even better. She called me herself.

We've been talking about nothing and everything for the past fifty minutes. I still felt a bit weird about calling her, even though I know she wasn't working and she wasn't with him. That's why I couldn't help it; I had to know why she had an aversion to my calling her, and if she still has it. I also need to know why, if she's going through a divorce, she got so mad at me last time I called her.

I have so many questions about her. She's not only surrounded by this hard shell, she's also a puzzle. I figure if I'm going to be with her for real now, I have to know her for real too. I'm just smart enough not to ask the heavy questions right away. Besides, the hardcore, twisted, dark secrets she may have are not the only thing I want to know.

I want to know the smallest bits. I want to know the selfless girl who took care of her mother. I want to know the opinionated girl who wanted to be a journalist. I wish to find out what makes her smile when nobody's watching.

I should write a list. _It'd be never ending._

"Despite what you might believe Edward, I'm really careful with my job. I don't need distractions. You've been distraction enough as it is. If I made you think calling was okay, then I'd be waiting for your call each time my cell phone rings, and you know that it's _a lot." _

I mull over her words first. I know how dedicated she is to her work. But maybe that's just a self defense mechanism. Maybe she uses work as a distraction to her feelings. This is a thought we're not ready to approach yet, so I don't mention it.

Instead I focus on the fact she said she'd be waiting for my call. I smile.

"What do you mean enough distraction as it is? I'm confused." I tell her honestly.

She sighs into the phone.

"I just had to juggle you into my life. I had—have a crazy work scheduled, and I had to deal with James, as little as it was. Then, all of the sudden, I find myself having another situation going on. I thought constantly about how to make it work; when I was going to see you again. That was a distraction." She sighs again, tiredly.

I realized perhaps this wasn't as light as I thought it would be. It's not surprising.

"But I can call you now, right?" I ask timidly, trying to put an end to this subject.

"Yeah, I guess. You can call me now." I don't hear much conviction in her voice. In the past, I would've left it at that. I would've been happy with anything she gave me, but now I just can't settle. I want her to be truthful to me about anything. I want her to be sure about everything she decides; everything she tells me.

"Jeez, don't sound so certain about it." I tell her. Maybe if I use sarcasm she'd pick up on the fact that I'm not _so _serious.

"Don't be like that."

"I'm just kind of offended you know? Here I am, laying in bed in the middle of the night, dedicating precious time of my life to talking to you…" I joke.

I'm trying to keep us from spiraling into an argument.

Halfway through my sentence, I noticed I sound like Emmett, who hasn't called me yet. I don't dwell on that fact because the melodic, rare sound of Bella's laughter on the phone is enough to bring me a lifetime of happiness.

"The middle of the night? It's not even eleven!" She exclaims, as if I'm not aware of this. As if I haven't gone to sleep later than this. For some reason, the emotion behind her voice, although she's probably joking, makes me smile.

"Yeah, well, it's still late. I thought you were enjoying talking to me." I say with attempted humor in my tone.

"I am enjoying talking to you. I always do." The seriousness in her voice lets me know that she knows me too well.

"So do I Bella. So do I."

Friday night comes too fast, or too slowly. I can't decide. I went to work and the minutes wouldn't pass. Then, when I finally got home to get ready for my date, I don't know where the time went. I don't want to be late. After a bit of coaxing on my part, Bella agreed to let me pick her up. Therefore, I need to spend a little more time driving than I'd like, but I don't mind. Tonight is going to be perfect. I hope.

I took a quick shower and threw on my favorite jeans, a new dark blue shirt and a black leather jacket. I was completely sure these clothes were the right way to go. However, now as I stand barefoot in front of my mirror, I'm not so happy about the way I look anymore.

I don't have time to act like a high school girl, worrying about outfits. Although, I admit I do feel pressured to look my best. With a sigh, I decide that I look good enough for the place we'll be going. I go a little overboard with the perfume, but I can't help myself. I'm nervous.

After noticing, for the thousand time in my life, that I can't do much about my hair; I grab my keys and leave. On my way to the car, I text Bella, letting her know I'm about to be on the road.

The whole drive to Bella's apartment I'm a wreck. I spend the whole time wishing I could call Emmett for advice. I've had my fair share of dates, both good and bad. A night like tonight can go either way. It would've been nice to sit and have a chat with my brother.

I will myself to stop thinking about that and focus on my Isabella. I hope she likes where we're going. It's a food place I discovered a while ago in a mindless drive I did. I don't go much, because it's too romantic to go by myself. I'm beyond happy that I can share this with Bella.

I arrive to her place with no trouble whatsoever and for this I'm glad. It would've been horrible if I got lost. I park in the street in front of her building. For a moment, I'm not sure what to do. Do I call her and ask her to come down? Do I ring her so she let me in? I don't think she told me which number her apartment was.

I'm starting to panic a little bit when a slight movement in front of me distracts me. Directly in my line of sight, the silver screen door that gives way to the inside of the building opens widely. Bella emerges, striking as ever, walking with firm steps towards me. As she makes her way, I take my time to take her all in. She's wearing knee high boots, fitted jeans and a loose top. Her look is finished with her long wavy hair flowing with the wind.

I stare at her dumbfounded. She's breathtaking. My body is already reacting to the way she looks. My mind is already conjuring ways to do her tonight. When she meets my eyes, she smirks in a devilish manner, as if she can tell what I'm thinking. Without realizing it, I step forward, burning with the anticipation of finally having her next to me.

When she's finally in front of me, I take a moment to appreciate her face. Her creamy skin seems to glow and her eyes are bright. Apparently my seconds of appreciation are too long for her, because she places her hand on my chest and pecks me on the lips. I smile and touch her hand on my chest. I tread my fingers through hers and kiss her palm.

"Hi." I say simply. I can't manage more than that.

She lets go of my hand and reaches for my hair. She removes the locks that fall on my forehead and makes her way towards the back of my head. She pulls softly, eliciting a groan that makes her smile.

"Hi, handsome." She says finally. "I thought you were going to go bald if I didn't come down any sooner." She says with an eye roll. I look at her in confusion, asking her to explain.

"I saw you when you got here from my window. I thought you were going to ring me or call me to let you in, but you just started pacing and tugging your hair."

"And you just stood there watching me go crazy, didn't you?" I rebuff playfully, holding her hand again.

"Yeah, well. You looked cute, all flustered and nervous." I lower my eyes, ashamed of not looking as put together as I want. She starts walking towards the street, pulling me by the hand. "Come on, let's go. Where are you taking me?" The emotion in her voice brings a smile to my face.

"I'm not answering that." I say with a smile still in place. We reach the car and I open her door. She smiles kindly, thanking me.

I walk to my door, get in and we're on our way. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, she speaks.

"I don't really like surprises."

Of course she doesn't, I muse internally. A woman who's so used to having control wouldn't like the uncertainty that comes with surprises.

"I'm hoping this one can be the exception."

The rest of the drive is filled with light conversation. By the time we get to the place, I'm starting to feel positive about tonight. We get to our destination and I park the car in the area that's reserved for clients. There are no cars parked in here.

Even though everything's been so far so good, when I go around the car to open her door, I get a little nervous again. I look at her apprehensively, waiting for a bad comment about where we are. When it doesn't come, my nerves calm down a bit. _Or maybe she hasn't realized where we are yet._

I start walking but she doesn't follow. I turn around and she looks petrified.

"Where are you going?" She asks in exasperation.

"We're having dinner, remember? You have to follow me." I say calmly, trying not to laugh out loud.

"Yes, I know we're having dinner, but you're going into the _woods._" She says slightly irritated.

I smile internally. When I chose this place to bring Isabella, I didn't know how she was going to take it. The restaurant we're going it's a 1950's inspired fast food place called W&S. It's located in the outsides of a little rounded meadow of a forest. I love this place. It's fun and casual, but the secluded location makes it perfect for dates.

When Jessica gave me the reference about burgers, I immediately thought of this. The combination of the food and the '50's decoration, plus the innovation of being hidden makes for a nice place to come and just chill.

The owners are a lovely middle aged couple that started off with a hot dog stand. I've been coming here for a few years now, only once or twice a year. However, each time I come, Joseph and Valentina treat me like I'm an everyday costumer. I called last week to reserve what I consider the best table and ask them to accommodate anything Bella may want.

"Did you just notice that? Where do you think we were going when I parked here?" I decide to play a bit with her, although I'm not sure if that's the best way to approach her doubtful look.

"I don't know! That's why I don't like surprises! You parked here in this strange place and I don't know what's going on. I decided to just wait and see, until you started walking off to the woods and I couldn't stand it anymore."

I sigh and tug my hair. She's really agitated. I don't want that.

I go back to her and take her hand. I kiss her forehead, because I can't help it, and decide to coax her into following me.

"Bella, babe, calm down. I know this doesn't look great to you now, but please just come with me. _The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep…" _ I murmur softly, seductively in her ear. I run my nose through the side of her face, getting high on her scent. I feel her sag against me. She looks up at me with an unreadable expression.

"_And miles to go before I sleep…" _She responds finally. I stare at her, shocked.

"You know Robert Frost?" This is the kind of information I want to know about her.

She rolls her eyes at me, for the tenth time tonight.

"Who doesn't?"

"And here I thought I impressed you with my outstanding knowledge…" I say with mirth.

"You don't have to quote anyone for me to know how smart you are. It comes out without you even trying." She says with a serious look on her face.

Her compliment tingles all over my heart. I feel warm inside. I want to smile brightly but instead I pretend to pout. "Do you mean I come off as a nerd even though I try not to?"

That gets her talking on and on about how I do not know what being a nerd is. She proceeds to tell me all her stories involving nerds, as we walk toward the W&S's entrance. When we reach the little path that leads to the door, I hear her gasp quietly. In all honesty, it's hard for me not to gasp along with her.

The path is filled with twinkle lights and colored scented candles. From our point of view, we can see two other couples sitting comfortably inside. The red and white walls of the restaurant greet us happily. Everything looks better than I remembered.

"I can't believe this…" She murmurs almost to herself. She's gaping. She hadn't notice the place till we got right here to the front, since the tress and darkness of the night cover almost everything from the outside world.

Before I can respond to Bella's out loud thought, Valentina comes out of nowhere to receive us.

"_Cielo!" _She exclaims in Spanish, while wrapping her arms around my shoulders, "You're finally here! Joseph and I were starting to worry about you, _jovencito._ I thought you got lost." She says with a severe look on her face. I know where she's going with this. It's the same every time I come. She pretends she's worried I got lost; because it's been so long since the last time I was here.

Before I can stop her mini melodrama, she gasps loudly. "_Dios Mio! _ She's lovely, Edward. Introduce her to me." She tells me loudly. I chuckle at her antics and turn around to grasp Bella's hand. When I turn around, I see the pleading look on Bella's face. She looks scared. I try to give her a reassuring look.

"Valentina, this is Isabella Swan. Isabella, this is Valentina White, or Tina how she likes to be called." Isabella is apprehensive at first, almost shy, but she composes herself and greets the lovely woman with polite grace.

Valentina, being her, hugs Bella as if she's her long lost child while gushing about how beautiful she is. She takes us to our table while engaging us in conversation. Isabella smiles in all the right places and looks attentive enough. I hope she's not putting up a show and it's truly enjoying talking to Tina.

We get ourselves set in our table and get a few minutes alone before ordering. I take this time to find out what's going through Bella's mind.

"So, do you like it?" I ask, gesturing with my hands to the restaurant.

She looks at me with a strange face and remains silent. I start to think she'll tell me she won't like it, but then I remember the awe in her face when we were outside. While we sit there without speaking, I think back to the nervous edge she seemed to be having since we entered the place. I recall her unusual shy self with Tina and let's face it, if she hated the place she would've told me by now.

_There must be something else. _I know there is. I know she wants me to figure it out on my own. She doesn't want to tell me. What I don't understand is why. Isabella's never been afraid of speaking her mind to me. What can possibly be going on?

"You've been here before." I state after a minute. The realization hits me after considering this is the one of the few reasons she could feel uncomfortable here. I think with joy that she's been so apprehensive about telling me this, out of consideration for my feelings.

She looks at me with a mix of surprise and amazement. It's almost as if she wanted me to figure it out but wasn't quite sure I'd get it right. In a slow motion kind of thing, she shrugs.

"When?" I ask her.

"A long time ago." She breathes and in her eyes I see she doesn't want to tell me more."

"Can you be more specific…? Please…" I add softly.

"I used to have breakfast here…with my mom." She says quietly. "I think she was already an addict, I guess I was too young to notice. Maybe that's why I had fun here…because I didn't know." She surprised me by telling me this. Not only did I think she wasn't going to expand the tale, but I also didn't expect this kind of news.

It makes me sad to know this. In my head I see a lovely, innocent girl playing with the ketchup bottles of the table in front of a stoned mom. I cannot bear this thought and when I look up and see Bella with her head bowed, I feel even worse.

I breathe a long sigh. "I'm sorry Bella. I guess this ruins our night."

She comes out of the hiding place her hair had provided and looks deeply into my eyes. She grabs my hand across the table with an intensity that disarms me.

"No Edward, this makes it perfect."

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><p><strong>Link to Bella's outfit: lisstar . polyvore . com **

** (Remove the Spaces)**

**I'm not even going to try to explain myself. I'm just going to say I'M SORRY in big shouty capitals and hope you all believe me, because I really mean it.**

**And, I'm going to say THANK YOU, if someone it's still out there.**

**This chapter was supposed to include the whole date, but I kind of felt it ended well here, next one we'll see more date time, plus maybe some sexy time, yes? ;)**

**Please review, even if just to shout at me. (by the way, I'm FINALLY going to see Breaking Dawn today!)**

**_PS: __If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada._**

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	11. One Step Closer

_**Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight related.**_

_**As always, thank you to my awesome, awesome friend Mari for helping me out with this.**_

_**She is amazing, just so you know.**_

_**Please read A/N at the end. **_

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><p><strong>Chapter 10: One Step Closer…<strong>

The best solutions are often simple, yet unexpected.-

Julian Casablancas

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><p>"So, do you know how your mom found this place?" I ask Bella after the intense moment we just shared is passed. She shrugs and I think she will leave it at that.<p>

"I honestly have no idea. I just remember being excited when she asked me to go out with her, because I knew we'd come here. It was the only place we'd visit, just us two." She answers me, surprising me once again, by sharing this much. I decide to risk it and ask her something else.

"And your dad never…questioned where you guys went?" I say slowly, scared of her reaction, regretting asking as soon as I'm done talking.

She snorts. "My father never cared much. I suppose things weren't as bad then…you know, since she was still coherent enough to leave the house on her own. But, I don't know, I don't like thinking about this Edward." She says, ending her little tale exasperated at me. I knew I shouldn't have asked anything.

"I know, I'm sorry. We can still leave, you know? If it makes you uncomfortable…being here." I say softly, honestly. She gives me a long look, before shaking her head.

"I used to have _fun _here Edward. I ate like a crazy person without worrying about my figure. I played with my mom's hair while we waited for our food. I stood up in the chairs to look outside. This was my sanctuary. I don't feel uncomfortable here. I just don't like talking about…things."

I reach for her hand on the table and stroke her knuckles with my thumb. I smile at her and nod, letting her know I understand.

After we get beyond the awkward moment about Bella's past, the night goes smoothly. We order the special cheeseburgers, and strawberry milkshake. The food is delicious, but the company is even better. Watching Bella eat a greasy hamburger is quite a sight. I intently watch her, trying to be discrete about it. But every time she licks her fingers I shift in my seat. By the third time that happens, she notices my discomfort and raises an eyebrow in question. I just smile stiffly and encourage her to keep eating.

We skip dessert and decide to go for a walk in the meadow that surrounds the restaurant. I shrug my jacket off and wrap it around Isabella's shoulders. I hug her close to me and start walking in silence.

"Do you know what the W and the S stand for? It's for Woods and Stars, perfect combination." I say after a while.

"What a shocker." She looks up at me long enough for me to see her roll her eyes. I realize it really bothers me when she does that. It makes me feel stupid. I don't know whether to voice my thought out loud or to let it slide yet again. I stay silent.

We walk some more, but once again I can't stand the silence. Only this time, instead of talking, I choose something else. I trap Bella against a near tree and kiss her. She gasps in surprise at first, but then she gets as into it as I am. I grab the back of her neck to keep her in place while I kiss her with abandon. She places her hands on my shoulders and lets me control the kiss.

"What does it take to impress you Bella?" I pant when we stop. I look intently into her eyes, trying, as usual, to figure her out.

"Why do you want to impress me?" She says, equally breathless, twirling a lock of my hair at the nape of my neck. She presents the question with real curiosity in her eyes.

"Because you deserve to be wooed." I tell her honestly, before grabbing her face between my hands and pecking her lips. She sighs in a way I'm not sure if it's contentment or frustration.

She shakes her head free out of my grasp, lowers her gaze to the ground in a meek and un-Bella-like manner. After a few seconds, she reacts and walks past me, allowing me to face the ancient tree where I had her trapped minutes prior. I hear her soft steps in the wet leaves on the ground before turning around to face her.

"Do you really think I deserve it?" She breathes softly, almost imperceptibly, with her back to me. I hear the insecurity in her voice. I see the slip in her always controlled persona. I wish I could have her like this forever, vulnerable.

I grab her waist and deliberately turn her around to face me. I make sure our eyes are connected before replying her with all the conviction I can pour into my voice.

"Yes, Bella, I really do."

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><p>Once we are back in the car, I don't ask her where we'll be going. I know what I want, what I <em>need, <em>and I'm taking it. The drive to my apartment is filled with sexual tension. The confined space of my car coupled with the night we just shared is adding to the usual electric current that exists between us.

My hand caresses her denim covered thigh while she plays with my hair. Each pass I make higher, each time she pulls my hair tighter. She bites her lip in that sultry way, and I know I'm driving her insane. It takes all of my control not to stop the car and have her in the back seat.

When we get to my place, I can't concentrate long enough to open the door. Bella has her lips and teeth glued to my neck and my ear, and her hands are in all the right places. I've asked her to slow down several times now, but she's unstoppable. I'm not complaining, I just want to get her inside the house or else…

"Bella, are you _trying _to make me take you against this wall?" I ask her in shallow breaths. She chuckles before answering me.

"It wouldn't be the first time." She says in a breathy voice that does nothing to help my condition.

After I finally get the door unlock and step inside of the apartment, I take charge of the situation. I back her up against the door and kiss her mouth with all the pent up energy I've been withholding all night. This kiss seems to go on forever, I don't stop, and neither does she. We don't need air, we need each other. It flows in an endless circle from desperate passion, to slow caresses, to painful need.

While we kiss, I start taking off her halter top, trying not to damage its soft fabric. It's a challenge but I manage to untangle the straps in the back. I tug at the hem to pull it over her head but the motion of stopping our kiss is not appealing to her. She grabs my hair to keep me from doing so, making me buck against her.

I end up breaking the fabric of her top with my impatient fingers. If she's annoyed by that, she doesn't show it. She continues our kiss and her caresses as if nothing happened. I trail my hands over all the new exposed skin, eliciting a shudder from her as I do. I feel the smug satisfaction of being able to make her tremble. But how could I not, when I know her body so well?

I've spent entire weekends memorizing her every reaction to my every touch. I've studied her skin as it comes alive under my fingertips. I've recorded into my brain every delectable sound she's ever made.

This, I know.

This, I can do.

The date was nerve wracking for me, despite the apparent success. I spent the past few days stressed out about it. The fact that I don't typically go out on dates makes it unknown territory for me. Add to it that it was our first date, and I was lost. But this is comfort; this is where I know I'll perform well. This is how we started.

We finally break apart from our never ending kiss. I kiss her neck, her collarbone, her shoulder, while she rips my shirt apart.

"This is revenge for tearing that top Edward." She says with mischief. I hum against her skin without stopping my ministrations.

"It was rather expensive." She continues on.

"Aha." I reply with no interest whatsoever. My one and only focus is making her squirm like I know I can. When she starts another sentence, I interrupt.

"I'll buy another one. I'll buy you the entire damn store for that matter. I needed it off." I say with no regrets. It still amazes me how she has the power to do this to me. She turns me into someone else completely. I've seen my highest and lowest points thanks to her. I've been a tender lover to her and yet, she has always been able to push me beyond tenderness. She makes me lose control. She makes me not want to be patient nor tender.

"My, my, who's desperate now?" She giggles breathlessly.

I groan softly in her ear before taking her earlobe into my mouth. That notion stops her giggles and transforms it into a satisfied sigh. Her hands roam my chest as she drops her head against the door. With that, I realized we've still haven't moved from our spot here. I lift her and she wraps her legs around me while I walk us to the bigger couch of the living room; the bedroom is too far away.

I drop her on the couch and she immediately goes to the fly of my pants. I am still standing while she makes quick work of my jeans. She kisses me all over and I'm panting before she has even begun. I grab her hands to stop her, I kiss each finger to lessen the blow, but she still pouts deliciously at me.

I push her gently on her back and take off her boots, her pants and her underwear. No matter how many times I've seen her naked, it always feels like the first time. It doesn't matter how fast or desperate we are, I always slow down to appreciate her.

"You are so perfect, Isabella, so beautiful." I murmur as I crawl my way on top of her, planting soft kisses here and there. I reach her face and take her bottom lip into my mouth. She sighs and wraps her arms around me, caressing my shoulders and my back. Her touch feels like a band aid against a wound. It soothes the pain but it's not enough. I need more, always more. Our kiss is sensual and slow paced. It's an unhurried dance of lovers who want to taste each other. When we come up for air, her breaths are my oxygen.

I move my kisses to her neck and she pulls my hair, spurring me on. She's squirming under me, already desperate again. We are always a contradiction. When I want fast she wants slow, when I want slow she wants fast. But it doesn't matter, because I always catch up with her. If it's fast she wants, that's what I'll give her. It's not like it's easy for me to restrain myself. It's not, especially when I have a naked porcelain doll under me, ready for me to take her.

I stop my kisses to position myself where she wants me, where I need to be. Then, it's all a blur of sweaty and frantic movements. She digs her fingernails on my back while I grip her hips. We move in sync, answering our bodies' needs. When we're together like this, it feels like the world will end tomorrow. It feels like if we don't get what we want, we might as well cease to exist. It's fast and unashamed. It's raw desire that burns in a delicious way. We fill the apartment with the sounds of our passion and I swallow her screams when they get too loud. We reach our climax together, trembling against each other, not wanting the euphoric feeling to never end.

Being with her like this is the epitome of my night. Watching her come undone beneath me is the most priced image my mind will ever have. Feeling her soft "thank you" kisses after we are done, all over my face, my neck, my chest, is my own kind of heaven.

We spend the night wrapped around each other. The couch, the kitchen table, the hallway, the bedroom floor; have all been surfaces to our lovemaking tonight. She fell asleep once but I woke her up with kisses and tiny bites to her shoulders. That's how round four started.

"I must say, you can wake me up like that anytime." She says lazily from her place on my chest, while tracing circles on my skin. I grin at her and kiss her head, smelling the scent of her hair.

"You weren't supposed to fall asleep in the first place." I say with petulance in my voice.

"You wore me out." She says with mischief.

"I did, didn't I?" I say with fake macho pride. _Maybe not so fake. _I muse internally.

Bella lifts herself to support her weight on one elbow, looking down on me with a serious expression. At first I thought she was going to make a sarcastic remark. But then, she smiled, and lowered her face to my cheek. She nuzzled her face there and then kissed me.

"Yes." Kiss on my jaw. "You." Kiss on my neck. "Did." Kiss on my chest, where my heart is supposed to be.

After that, we found the strength to finally get ourselves on the bed. We fell asleep completely sated, holding each other tightly.

The next day, I wake up alone, to the sound of loud voices coming from my living room. I don't understand right away what's going on, due to my sleepy state. However, just the shout of one word is enough to get me up and running towards the commotion, wisely remembering to put on some sweats on my way out.

"_Bitch!" _ I hear my brother yell once again while I'm in the hallway.

When I get to the living room, the first thing I notice is Emmett with a furious expression on his face. Next, I spot Bella, wearing just one of my shirts, and an undecipherable look on her face. Before either of them gets another word out, I make my presence known.

"What is going on here?"

Emmett stares at me, but says nothing. I chance a look at Bella, but she doesn't make eye contact.

"Well?" I prompt. "Is either one of you going to tell me? Emmett, what are you doing here?" I ask directly to my brother, letting him know, by the tone of my voice, I'm not jumping up and down by his presence here.

"Mom made me come here to apologize. She said you were coming to lunch tomorrow and I had to make peace with you by then. But I don't think you were planning on going, were you? Apparently you have better, more honorable things to do, don't you little brother?" He says trying to control his anger. Although his last sentence is full of hate and it makes me mad.

"As a matter of fact, I was planning to go to tomorrow's lunch." I lie with a restrain temper. Truth is I didn't even remember. Now that it's been brought up, I vaguely recall the message Jessica gave me, saying something about my mom and lunch.

"You are so full of shit, Edward!" he half yells at me. "You weren't going and you know it. At least have the decency to tell me. I guess that's just too much to ask from you." He says looking down on me. He turns around as if to leave but my voice stops him.

"What a great apology!" I say sarcastically. "I bet mom would be proud. Because, that _is _why you came, isn't it? Because mom _asked _you to, right?" I continue. I can't believe that is the reason he's here. I also can't believe he brought our parents into this. What in the world did he tell them? I bet he's already damaged the impression my parents will have about Bella. I could quite kill him for that.

Of course there is the fact that he doesn't feel sorry at all. Mom had to make him come here. It hurts.

"I talked to mom the minute you drove away that day. I was so angry. I tried to explain, without giving too much away, that I wasn't happy with a choice you made. She asked me to calm down and let you be your own man, that you were old enough. But I wasn't having none of that, I was still angry. But the next few days I started to agree with what mom said, so I decided to come here today. I was going to apologize." He explains in an even voice, facing me.

I am shocked to hear all of this. "Em," I start, but he cuts me off.

"But to come here, and see _her _here Edward, knowing she probably has her _husband _waiting for her, it makes me sick…to know that _this _is your choice I have to respect…" He trails off at the end, not finishing his thought. He shakes his head, disgust written all over his face. He chances a look at Bella, and I see her flinch out of the corner of my eye.

I return my attention back to Emmett. He's not going to get it. Nothing I tell him right now will make him understand. I'm not sure I understand everything myself. I only know what I feel. I only know how Bella makes me feel. I only know I can't live without her.

He won't understand that. I don't think he's ever been in love. I don't think in all his life he has ever felt this way. I can't ask him to put himself in my place. I can't ask him to compare the lust he's felt for the women in his life to the undying love I feel for my Isabella.

I don't care she was married. I don't care if she still is. Hell, for all I care, she can be a mob wife and I wouldn't care. I need her. I need to be with her. As crazy, unethical, unreasonable as it is, I _need _to be with her.

"Yes Em," I address my brother. "This is the decision I made that you have to respect. And if you can't do that, you might as well leave already." I say, my voice dripping with ice, although this might be killing me inside.

He gives me a long look, filled with pain before turning around and walking out of the apartment. The sound of the door closing feels so final and I can't help but cringing at it. I think back to all the nice moments I've shared with my brother while growing up. Even after we grew up, we've always been close. We share a lifetime of memories. I stare at the door for I don't know how long before the sound of Bella's voice brings me out of my trance.

"Edward?" She asks softly, placing herself in my line of sight. I look down at her and I see compassion in her face. "I'm so sorry." She says after a while. Her apology snaps me back to the here and now. I don't think she's ever said those words to me, at least not with so much feeling.

"What? Why are you sorry for Bella?" She searches my eyes as if she doesn't understand what I mean. I just stare at her, waiting for her answer.

"What do you mean why am I sorry, Edward? Your brother just left because he can't accept our relationship. This is my entire fault. I should've said something. He was wrong, you know? I don't have a husband waiting for me, not anymore." She rambles distraught, pacing frantically in front of me. When she did this kind of thing in the past, it felt like she was manipulating me. However, this looks real to me now. It seems as if she really feels guilty for what just happened.

I stop her pacing by grabbing her shoulders. I look at her deeply in the eyes before talking. "Stop, Bella. This isn't your fault." She shakes her head, trying to get me to stop talking. I take her face in my hands, managing to end the movement. "He is my brother. He is my family. He is not supposed to bail on me. He is supposed to respect my decisions. He is supposed to have my back." I say with a firm voice. This is what my dad used to say while we were growing up. That is what he taught us. That is how he raised us.

"What about your parents? What will they say?" She asks in a low voice. I sigh and let go of her to do a little pacing myself. I tug hard at my hair. I don't know what to do with my parents. If Emmett already talked to them they must be apprehensive about all this. They are supportive and respectful. They only have my best interests at heart, but the fact that my brother and I are fighting over this, is bound to have some negative effect.

"Hopefully, they'll remember what they've preached." I answer Bella after a few minutes, facing away from her. "I think they'd like you, if they'd met you." I add mostly to myself.

"Then maybe I should meet them." She says after a long while. I thought she didn't even hear me. I spun around, shocked.

"Would you do that?" I ask her slowly. For a moment I let myself entertain the idea of Bella meeting my parents at tomorrow's lunch. I can introduce her as my date, or even my girlfriend. Dad would talk politics to her and mom could gush about clothing and shopping. They'd both be impressed by her education and professional achievements. They could talk about her work too, having Emmett as a photographer gives them a vast knowledge about Bella's world.

I catch Bella watching me, regarding me intently. "I guess so. I mean, it'd be better if you went to this lunch thing tomorrow and resolve everything, right? I could be there." She answers me with a shrug, as if it's of no importance. She just suggested meeting my parents. That _is _important, especially given our situation.

_She said tomorrow. _I think internally. It's starting to really sink in. She is talking about going with me, to my parent's house, tomorrow.

I study her for what feels like hours. She doesn't seem to be backing out.

"Bella," I go to her and look into her eyes with a serious expression. "Are you sure about this?" I ask her giving her the chance to say no.

"Yes." She says giving me a final nod. I swallow hard and nod back at her.

It's settled then. Bella is meeting my parents tomorrow.

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><p><strong>It has become a tradition of mine to apologize at every AN of this story. **

**I did not intend for it to be that way, but this writing business is harder than I thought. **

**I love it though. And I write this because I love it, so I just wanted to say thank you, once again, to all the people**

**that has taken the time to read this. It warms my heart.**

**Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Liked it? Hated it? Loved it? Hit review!**

**What do you say if we make next chapter from Bella's POV? Would you like that? **

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	12. Hidden Sacrifice

_**SM owns everything Twilight related.**_

_**Mari, you know the deal, Thank You & I Love You.**_

_**Please read A/N at the end.**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 11: Hidden Sacrifice<strong>

"_The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."_

_Jacques Benigne. ~_

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><p>I slip out of bed silently, so that I don't wake him up, but not before kissing his lips softly. He stirs a little and continues sleeping. I go to his closet, and search for an old shirt of his to put it on. I feel my sore muscles protesting but it's just a sweet reminder from last night's activities.<p>

I still can't believe Edward took me to W&S for our date. Leave it to him to be the only person who could actually surprise me in a good way. He's been doing that since we met. Every time he looks at me, every time he talks to me, every time he touches me, surprises me in the most amazing way. Edward is the guy little girls picture when they think of prince charming. He is handsome, sweet, smart, funny, among other things little girls are not mature enough to dream about.

I would lie if I said that sex doesn't play a big part in our relationship, because it does. I've been trying to stop lying to myself. My shrink Siobhan and I have been working on that. She says I like to come up with false statements about what goes on in my life, that I am full of excuses.

Whatever. I used to ignore her for the most part, until she reminded me I was the one who went to her. I guess she got tired of me talking down on her when she hit too close to home.

I hate talking to her about Edward. He's my little secret. Not because what we do is unethical, but because he is the only good thing I've ever had. However, whenever she tried to talk about my family, I picked other subjects to deflect. Unfortunately for me, Edward ended up being one of those topics. That is the only reason she knows about him. Otherwise he would still be in the dark.

Siobhan says the reason I did that was because talking about him, acknowledging as part of my life would've made him too real and that it would've brought to life some feelings of unworthiness or something. I don't know, I assume she's right. For all the money I've been paying her, she must know what she's talking about.

Okay, so maybe I don't give her a lot of credit. I am better after she's been helping me. I filed for the divorce and haven't backed out on it, despite James reluctance to sign the papers. I've been opening myself up a little, to Edward of course. I even mentioned Edward's name to Rosalie, the one person I suppose I could say is my friend. I am kind of nicer at work…or not. The point is, I am better and I guess I feel different. I no longer feel like everybody is whispering behind my back or that I have to act a certain way to be approved. I am finding myself, my true self, even though I am still not convinced that I won't end up an addict like my mom and I still have some big control issues.

Maybe that's why I have the need to wake up before Edward, to maintain some sort of power after he's seen me in my most vulnerable state. Being with him is such a conflicting thing for me. He makes me feel protected and cherished but at the same time he scares me. He scares me because I have given him the power to hurt me. And I know that one day, he will. When he realizes that he can do better than me. When he knocks me down of the pedestal he's placed me, he will leave me. He will choose some stupid blonde girl with the perfect family and the sweet personality of a saint.

Just the thought of it makes me livid, and that feeling right there, is what scares me the most. The feeling of impotence, the feeling of not wanting that day to come, the feeling of wanting to kill with my bare hands an imaginary face; that's what terrifies me. The fact that I feel so strongly about him that just the thought of losing him makes me panic, that just the thought of leaving him before he leaves me paralyzes me. I am owned by him, by his attentiveness, by the way he looks at me, by the softness of his voice, by everything he is.

I walk to the kitchen and see some of our clothes lying around on the floor. I pick a scrap of my top and shiver just remembering the way Edward ripped it off my body. I still don't know how he manages to be a different person each time we sleep together. Just last night he went from crazy lust driven man, to sensual lover, to tender boyfriend. The only thing that doesn't change is the way he always puts my needs first. I smile at the memory of his touch.

I snap out of my thoughts to make some coffee. While I wait for it, I fetch my cell phone to check some emails and messages. When the coffee is ready, I pour myself a full mug. Before I get the chance to enjoy it, someone rings the doorbell. At first I am at a lost about what to do, I've never had to answer Edward's door before.

I walk into the hallway to check for sounds that may indicate that Edward is awake, but I hear none. I walk to the living room and stand in the middle of it, thinking of what to do when the person outside rings the doorbell again. I start to walk to the door, realizing it must have a peephole but I stop dead in my tracks when the doorknob twists, followed by the clinking of keys.

The door opens to reveal a large looking man with short curly hair. He looks confused at first but then his eyes settle on me and my clothing and his eyes widen. I don't know who he is, but he must be really close to Edward to own a spare key to his apartment. After a few seconds of killing silence, the shock on his face passes and turns into a knowing smirk.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know Eddy had company." He says with his smirk still in place. It reminds me a bit of Edward when he gets cocky with me.

"Eddy?" I can't help but ask.

"Oh he didn't tell you about me. I'm his brother Emmett, who are you?" He asks with a weird look on his face. I start feeling really embarrassed now that I know who he is. The first person of Edward's family I get to meet and it is in such a disheveled state.

"I am Isabella…Swan." I hesitate before adding my last name, not sure if it's okay to introduce myself as a single woman, when technically I'm not. I don't get to ponder this a lot because the sound of Emmett's voice startles me.

"You are Isabella? The married chick? I can't believe this." He says with repulsion in his tone. "I thought Edward was smarter than this. What did you do to him huh?" He continues.

I am stunned into silence that he knows about me. I thought Edward wouldn't say anything to anyone. I am not sure how I feel about that. I am not sure how I feel about the fact that this person is demanding answers from me that are none of his business. No one is supposed to meddle in my personal things, especially with Edward.

"Do you not talk now? I want to know, what did you do to my brother?" Emmett's voice startles me. I feel my temper flaring at his tone.

"I am not sure what you mean." I say through gritted teeth.

He snorts. "My brother, good, kind, honest brother Edward, would've never slept with a married woman, much less engaged in an affair, so I'm asking you, what did you do to him?"

I cringe at his words, because I know he's right. I was the one who dragged Edward along to my fucked up life. That day I met him, despite my bitchy attitude, I was attracted to him. Then I saw him again in that parking lot, and when he snapped at me, I saw so much fire in his eyes. So much passion, it ignited something within me. The way he looked at me, made me feel alive for the first time in so long. I had to have him.

That night, Edward woke me up from the numb life I was living. I couldn't just let it be a one night stand. I very much wanted to be with him 24/7 or at least till my craving for him stopped. But I wanted more, I followed my constant desire to be with him and at some point, I let him fall in love with me. I didn't play fair, I know. I used my seduction skills and Edward's obvious attraction to me to manipulate him. I took advantage of his kindness to keep him from leaving me.

I am a monster.

I don't deserve him.

My feelings are constricting inside of me, twisting my heart in a painful way. I am one breath away from having yet another meltdown. I look up to see the hateful stare of Edward's brother and do the only thing I know.

"This is none of your business." I say with a firm voice. The shock is evident on his face after he listens to my words. I'm sure he didn't expect the defensiveness in my tone.

"None of my business? Are you freaking kidding me?" he yells at me. "That is my little brother you're talking about. Of course it is my business. He is not supposed to sleep around with a married woman. He is not supposed to lie to his family for a year. It is my business to get some sense into him." He finishes with exasperation.

If I were to ponder this, if I were rational enough to be the bigger person, I could probably acknowledge that he is right. However my sessions with Siobhan don't work miracles and I sure as hell won't be admitting that to this guy.

"Your _little _brother is a grown man. He can take care of himself. And you can stay the hell out of this." I talk back, instantly aware of the threat he represents to my relationship with Edward. I need Emmett to back off. I need him to not get between Edward and me.

He shakes his head and laughs without humor before addressing me. "Obviously he can't because he ended up with _you. _I thought I could give you the benefit of the doubt, but after meeting you, you just confirmed what I already knew. You are nothing but a cold hearted bitch!"

"Don't you dare-" I start but Emmett cuts me off.

"What? Call you a bitch? You've earned that name yourself by dragging my brother into your shameful ways." He tells me. I am dying inside with a mix of feelings that I can't understand.

"What's going on here?" The sound of Edward's voice startles me as he enters the room. He looks perfect wearing nothing but some black sweat pants and his sex hair. I look at him inconspicuously before lowering my eyes to the ground. I can feel his green eyes searching mine. I can feel the electric current that flows from his body to mine whenever we are in the same room.

"Well?" He demands with authority. "Is either one of you going to tell me? Emmett, what are you doing here?" He directs his attention to his brother, giving up on getting mine.

Edward and his brother argue while I stand there like an idiot. I can hear the strain in Edward's voice. I cringe at the look of disgust that Emmett wears when he looks at me. I know Edward is dying inside as he asks his brother to leave, choosing me instead of his own blood. The feelings of unworthiness make themselves known inside me. I wish I could ask Edward not to do this. I wish I could tell him that he doesn't need to do this, that he should be with someone else. However, there's some sick satisfaction underneath it all about the fact that he cares enough. Most importantly, I feel a spark of hope surging inside me. I allow myself to believe that maybe, Edward won't leave me eventually.

Maybe, we can be together forever.

Emmett leaves, not able to accept me as part of his brother's life and Edward pretty much goes into some kind of trance. He stays still for what seems like an eternity, staring the door.

"Edward?" I say softly, almost afraid to speak. I can't even imagine how awful he must be feeling. When he doesn't respond, I take a tentative step toward him. I don't want to startle him; he looks so out of it. "Edward?" I try again, stepping in front of him carefully. He looks down at me with vacant eyes. "I'm so sorry." I say, because I am. I am sorry that this is how our morning after is beginning. I am sorry that our relationship has to be tainted by my unfaithfulness to my husband. I am sorry for so many things. My apology stirs something in him because I see the life return to his eyes.

"What? What are you sorry for Bella?" He asks like I've lost my mind. I don't know what is the meaning behind his words, so I search his eyes for a moment. He truly seems not to understand what I mean. Crazy man.

I start pacing in front of him because I have so many things to say. Sometimes I wish Edward would see me like the monster I am. How can he not see I am responsible for his constant pain? "What do you mean why am I sorry, Edward? Your brother just left because he can't accept our relationship. This is my entire fault. I should've said something. He was wrong, you know? I don't have a husband waiting for me, not anymore." I finish referring to some stupid comment Emmett made during his argument with Edward. He stops my pacing by grabbing my shoulders. He looks into my eyes, and I could almost die by the peace his stare brings me. "Stop, Bella. This isn't your fault." I shake my head before he continues, trying to get him to shut up. I don't want to hear his kind words. They will only cut me deeper.

Edward takes my head in his hands, ending the movement before talking again. "He is my brother. He is my family. He is not supposed to bail on me. He is supposed to respect my decisions. He is supposed to have my back." He tells me with conviction, but I notice the anguish in his voice. He really believes what he's saying and his brother disappointed him. My poor prince charming, he's hurting. My heart breaks at the pain in his eyes.

I've never given much thought to what Edward is sacrificing for me. His brother may be only a small fragment of what he can lose because of me. "What about your parents?" I ask in a low voice, a little panicked. "What will they say?" He sigh and starts pacing, tugging at his hair. He does it for a while and I know he must be locked inside his head like he usually does. I give him time to do this, not interrupting him. After a few minutes pass, he stands still facing away from me, and answers me. "Hopefully they'll remember what they've preached." He says. I don't say anything because I don't want to tell him that they won't. I can almost assure him that they will hate my guts for corrupting their child.

"I think they'd like you, if they'd met you." I hear Edward say softly. I don't think he meant for me to hear this but suddenly that's the answer. I should meet his parents. Not because they will like me as he says, but because it will mean something to Edward. At least, I think so. Edward is definitely the kind of guy who would bring his girlfriend to his parents. He wouldn't postpone it like most guys do. Edward is not most guys.

"Then maybe I should meet them." I say before I can regret this. He spins around with shock written all over his face.

I know this is masochistic of me, setting myself up for failure like this. However, this is a sacrifice I'm willing to make for Edward. Siobhan is always on and on about sacrifices and selfless decisions. This decision will make her day.

And that's when it hits me. I am not doing this for Siobhan to be happy with me. I am not doing this to feel good about myself. This is entirely because of Edward. Because I want him to feel better. I know a hundred ways to make him feel better using just my body, but this is not about sex. It's about showing him what he means to me. It's about demonstrating with actions that I've changed, that I am willing to change.

"Would you do that?"He asks me slowly. But I already caught the glimpse of excitement in his eyes. I know his mind is working a mile a minute. I just watch him, in all his naked chest glory while I wait for him to talk.

Of course I'd do that. I want to roll my eyes at him, but I stop myself from doing so, knowing he wouldn't appreciate it much. "I guess so. I mean, it'd be better if you went to this lunch thing tomorrow and resolve everything, right? I could be there." I tell him, shrugging my shoulders. I need to make this look as if it is of no importance, or I won't do it. Emmett said something about a lunch tomorrow. I figured the sooner the better, right?

Edward keeps watching me with a weird expression on his face. I try to stay unmoving, and unaffected by his stare. The truth is, whenever he tries to figure me out, I get all fidgety and nervous inside. I think he can see right through me and my bullshit. I think he knows my real deal but he's just too much of a gentleman to call me on it.

"Bella," He says walking over to me and looking into my eyes. He is serious when he asks me "Are you sure about this?" I sigh mentally. In no way I am sure about this thing, but I won't say that to Edward. Instead, I answer him with a firm "yes" and a final nod. He swallows hard, nodding back at me, the decision made in his head.

"Okay, then. I'll pick you up tomorrow at noon." He announces.

"Um, maybe I should meet you here and drive behind you." He looks confused so I explain further. "You know, in case something goes wrong, and I…have to leave…early." I add uncertainly, not sure if I should pass some of my pessimism onto him. His eyes harden for a minute, a plethora of emotions swirling in them. He blinks a few times and then they are soft and untroubled again. He takes my hands and strokes them reverently. I feel warm inside from that simple gesture.

"No, if something goes wrong, we will leave together…so we'll drive together. You can meet me here, though." He says kissing each hand and each wrist. I smile a little before nodding and kissing his jaw. After that, we ordered some food and took a shower together. We took turns washing each other off, distracting ourselves from the events of this morning.

I leave with the promise of coming back the next day at 11:30 am.

By the time I get to my place, I am feeling edgy and anxious again. The "Edward Effect" can only last for so long. I take off my clothes and search some purple shorts and a black t-shirt before calling Siobhan.

"_Hello?" _She answers after the second ring.

"Hi, Siobhan."

"_Oh hello Isabella, how are you today?" _She says politely. I roll my eyes.

"Oh I am doing just great. I called you on a Saturday afternoon just to let you know how great I am." I tell her sarcastically. Stupid questions get on my nerve. I hear her chuckle trough the phone, always unaffected.

"_I take it the date didn't go too well."_ She says returning to her professional, calm voice. Of course she would think this is about my date with Edward. I wasted my two past sessions talking about it with her. I was nervous. She found it cute. Whatever.

"Actually, the date was amazing. Edward is…this is not about that." I stop myself from getting all teenage girl on her and go straight to the point. "I am meeting Edward's parents…tomorrow."

"_Oh! That's quite a big step. How do you feel about that?" _There she goes with the stupid questions again. How the hell does she think I feel about it? I refrain from snapping at her so that she doesn't lecture me on my temper.

"Not…good. I mean, yes. I mean…I'm…" I stutter like a moron.

"_You're scared." _She tells me, spot on. _"It's understandable. It is a big step, maybe a bigger step than you're ready to face. You can ask Edward to give you some time. This is a bit rushed." _ She says. I shake my head even when she can't see.

"This wasn't Edward's idea. It was mine." I correct her. She is surprised to say the least. I explain the events that lead to this while she listens quietly without interfering. I can't keep the hate out of my voice when I recall Emmett's words to me, but I also feel ashamed from not keeping my cool this morning.

"_I must say Isabella that it sounds like quite a lot for you to handle. You seem dead set on going through with your decision about tomorrow, so I won't ask you to reconsider. I can only advice you to be calm and not get into an altercation with Edward's parents. No matter what. I know it will be hard for you, but you must restrain yourself from saying things you'll regret in the end. Even if they attack you, you need to remain collected and polite at all times." _

I listen intently to her words knowing that she is right. I can't allow myself to get into a fight with Edward's parents. I _need _to be the bigger person tomorrow, for Edward's sake. Even if that means staying quiet while they call me names.

"_Isabella, although I am proud of you for making this decision, I need to tell you there's no need for that. You can meet Edward's parents when you feel ready. No one will judge you for setting your own pace. I understand Edward is very important to you but I repeat, you can cancel this lunch and meet them other day." _She tells me before I can say anything.

"I know I can meet them in another time but I think this will be…good for me, you know? Face my fears and all that crap you're always talking about." Honestly, I will never be ready to meet Edward's parents or friends or colleagues, because the shady start of our relationship will always be present in both of our minds. I just want to get this over with and it will mean something to Edward.

Despite Siobhan's advice to postpone tomorrow's lunch I let her go with the promise to behave myself and calling her if I need to. The rest of the night goes by uneventful, filled with some catching up on work, texts from Rosalie and a good night call from Edward.

I eat some salad for dinner; pick out my outfit for tomorrow and go to sleep.

The next day I wake up to the sound of my alarm. I set it up for nine o'clock just so that I don't oversleep. I eat some light breakfast and get dress in a light cream colored dress than ends in my knees. It screams class so I assume it'd be a nice choice. I pair it up with high heels shoes and a heavy cream coat. Seattle's weather makes it impossible to go out without one.

I arrive at Edward's place exactly at eleven thirty. I let myself in with the key Edward gave me a few months ago. I am met by a maniac looking Edward, standing in his hallway. He is wearing just some dress pants and an unbuttoned shirt. No socks or shoes on his feet, his hair is crazier than ever and his eyes are wide when he sees me.

"Bella!" He screams at me. "You're here! Why are you here?" He asks me and I start to worry that maybe he has finally gone crazy for all the thinking he does.

"What do you mean why am I here Edward? It's eleven thirty. I promised I'd be here on time…Hi." I tell him kissing his lips softly. He looks confused and checks his wrist looking at a watch he's not wearing.

"God, is it eleven already? Where did the time go? I need to get ready." He tells me walking away to his room. I am puzzled by his behavior. I've never seen him looking like this. I follow him to his room, taking off my coat. I hear him muttering some sounds before taking in the aspect of his room. Some shirts are lying in several places of his bed and dresser, his bed is unmade and the place where he keeps his watches is a mess. The door of his closet is open and it looks like a tornado went in there.

"Edward? Is everything okay?" I ask him worried.

"Yes, everything's fine." He answers without paying me attention. He keeps searching for something, going in circles in his room, huffing in annoyance as he goes. It's starting to piss me off. When a few minutes pass of the same, I snap.

"Edward! What the hell is wrong with you? We are going to be late." I tell him. He stops at the loud sound of my voice and looks at me flustered and embarrassed. I go to him and caress his face.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I ask him softly. He sighs.

"You are going to laugh at me." He says like a little boy. I smile at him.

"No I won't, just tell me so that I can help." I tell him while playing with his hair.

"I…I don't know what to wear." I can't help it. I laugh. I laugh so much it brings tears to my eyes. Edward reminds me I promised not to laugh but it's just so funny. Here I thought I was the one who was supposed to have the outfit crisis. Instead my lovely Edward is all cute and innocent worried about his clothes for today's lunch. This is only a reminder of how nervous he really is and how much what we are about to do means to him.

After I calm myself down, I manage to get Edward to forgive me for laughing at him and help him find some clothes. I choose a dark gray button down shirt that fits him perfectly, coupled with the black dress pant he's wearing, and some black shoes I find in his closet. After he searches his coat, we are good to go.

We leave his apartment and I am feeling my anxiety increasing by the minute. However, this won't stop me, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that for him, for Edward, for _my _prince charming, this is not even a little bit of what he deserves.

I'd do this and more for him.

So much more.

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><p><strong>Link to Bella's Outfit: www . polyvore . com  bellas_outfit_chapter_11 /set?id=41558389 (Remove the Spaces where needed)**

**There you have it my lovelies, BPOV, finally. Did you like it? If you have any questions, just drop me a review, and I'll answer.**

**Do you want the next chapter written in BPOV too? Let me know, I'm not sure about it yet. Bella's mind is complicated.**

**It was difficult writing it.**

**Last Update of 2011, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Thank you, as always, to all the people out there reading this. **

**Happy New Year; MAKE IT COUNT.**

**_PS: _**_**If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.**_

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	13. The Thing About Secrets

**SM owns everything Twilight related, you guys know that.**

**I need to thank as usual to my awesome friend Mari. You rock big big time!**

**Please read A/N at the end.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12: The Thing About Secrets<strong>

"_While we are free to choose our actions, _

_we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions."_

_Stephen R. Covey. ~_

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><p>"Tell me about your parents." I ask Edward while he drives us towards his childhood house. He is not as nervous as before but I can tell he's still a bit anxious. Me, on the other hand…let's just say "a bit" is not the word I'd use. But I can't let him know that. So instead I try to get him to relax. One of us needs to be the calm one.<p>

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye, before speaking.

"Well, Carlisle and Esme adopted me when I was just months old and— "

"Wait…What? You're adopted?" I interrupt. I can't contain my surprise. I know Edward and I don't exactly talk, but I never gave much thought about how little we actually know about each other. With him knowing about my family and my marriage, I suppose he knows more about me than I know about him.

It makes me sad. It's not like I don't want to know him. It's just that with all the stuff I have to deal with who would… There I go making excuses for myself. I sigh.

"Yes, I am." Edward's voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"But you're so…_normal. _Aren't adopted kids supposed to be, you know…all messed up?" At least that's how I see it. However, Edward doesn't act like that. Maybe he had a tough childhood. I am curious as ever.

He chuckles a bit before answering. "Yeah, well I guess I'm just not one of those kids. They told me when I was thirteen and I remember feeling eternally grateful for their kindness and love. Who knows where I'd be right now if it weren't for them." He speaks full of adoration. His eyes shimmering in the not so bright sunlight.

I gape at him. "Thirteen? They decided to tell you when you were starting your teenaged years? What are they, like crazy or something?" I can't help but ask. What were they thinking? That age is difficult enough without any added problem.

Edward lets a full out laugh at that. I'm not sure if I am offended, or relieved that I got him to laugh at least.

"Why are you laughing?" I ask him when he doesn't stop. I honestly find nothing funny about this. He looks at me, his eyes bright and full with sentiment.

"You." He tells me.

"What about me?"

"You're just so cute." He says before leaning in to kiss my forehead. I roll my eyes to mask the strong desire to sigh like a movie actress from a cheesy romantic movie. He grimaces a bit, and I instantly regret doing it. I know he hates it. Every time I do it he cringes, or purses his lip, or looks away. He thinks he can hide some things from me but he can't. Edward is an open book. He wears his heart on a sleeve. I honestly don't understand how he's a lawyer.

"Anyway, I guess you're right. Thirteen is not exactly a good age to drop that information, but I've always been the mature one. Emmett didn't take it so well." He smiles at memories I won't be able to completely understand even if he shared them. "He came to terms with it later. I suppose the fact that I didn't join him on his rebelliousness made him see some reason."

Of course the bear of a man that is Emmett wouldn't react well. But I understand more of his reaction than I understand Edward's. I contemplate this in silence while we stop at a red light.

"What is it?" Edward asks taking my hand in his. I shake my head.

"I just don't…understand. Why didn't you rebel too?"

"It seemed pointless. I wasn't mad, I had no reason to act like a petulant brat. Carlisle and Esme were all I ever knew, they were and still are my parents. The fact that we were adopted didn't change that, not in my mind or my heart."

"And you figured all of this out, at thirteen?" I can't get past this.

"Yeah…like I said, I've always been very mature. I did start to feel a bit unworthy and maybe like an outsider at some point, but those feelings passed quickly. Carlisle and Esme loved and respected me, they cared for me, they were always proud of me. They gave me freedom to make my own choices, and supported me through everything. They are my parents and I love them." He finishes.

I am in awe of him right now. If I ever doubted if Edward was perfect before, I am completely sure of it now. I am also completely sure I don't deserve him. He is too much. I could never be that grateful and understanding. Before I let my destructive thoughts get the best of me, I ask again about his parents.

"So, what are they like?"

"Carlisle is a doctor, a neurosurgeon. He is very opinionated and extremely smart. My mom, Esme, is an event planner…she is kind-hearted, graceful and funny."

"I guess you are a combination of the two then…" I say without thinking. He smiles.

We arrive to a beautiful grand house painted in light colors. The entryway is long and it reminds me of a palace. A man in a black uniform let us in. It surprised me a bit. I didn't know Edward came from such a wealthy family. Although, I'm not sure why I'm surprised. He drives an expensive car, wears expensive clothes, knows about wine and he's a lawyer… I just never really thought about it.

Edward parks at the end of the long path. We will have to walk back a little to the front of the house. After he turns the engine off, he gets out of the car and goes to open my door. I get out wordlessly and he takes my hand to walk the short path towards the entrance. His other hand is messing with his hair. Again.

When we get to the front, he opens the door with no key. I am met by a grand white colored space. The walls are full of paintings and there's a big lamp hanging from the ceiling. The living room, a few steps ahead, has several white sofas with different colored cushions. The whole décor is a perfect combination of soft light colors and white. It definitely shows this is an event planner's house.

"Mom? Dad?" Edward yells before stepping down from the receiving area. He drags me down by the hand. I'm about to tell Edward to let me go when a beautiful middle aged woman comes walking down the carpeted stairs. She is wearing a peach colored dress. She may not be Edward's mom but she could fool anyone. Her face is like that of an old movie star and her hair looks soft and healthy.

"No need to yell Edward. I'm right here." She says when she comes close. She hugs him for a long time before he kisses her cheek adoringly.

"Hi mom…I'd like you to meet Isabella…my…girlfriend." Edward gets out between some nervous intakes of breath. He places me in front of him and grasps my shoulders from behind. His mom, smiles genuinely at me before fake kissing my cheek.

"It's really nice to meet you Isabella. I'm so happy Edward brought you." She says clasping her hands at the end of her sentence. "I just don't understand why he's been keeping you a secret for so long." She adds, giving Edward a pointed look.

"Mom, we've talked about this." He says sighing. I am momentarily taken aback. What does he mean they've talked about this? When did they talk? What did he tell her? I recover myself quickly when I realize I haven't responded to Esme's greeting.

"It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Cullen. Your house is sublime." I say with a picture perfect smile in place. She returns my smile and invites us to the living room while we wait for lunch to be ready. Edward lets her get ahead of us before whispering in my ear. "Relax, I didn't tell her everything." He says rubbing one of his hands down my back.

I talk to him without turning to face him. "What exactly did you tell her? _When _did you tell her?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"I called her yesterday after you left, to let her know you'd be coming. Of course I had to tell her I've been seeing you for a while…she just doesn't know about…your…um…our…situation." He tells me in an inconspicuous voice. "Yet." He adds at the same time his mom asks us why we haven't join her.

I take a deep breath willing myself to relax. This is going to fun.

We walk hand in hand towards the living room. Edward and I sit on the biggest couch while Esme sits on an enormous chair across from us. We drink a glass of wine, while she asks me the standards questions. Where am I from? What do I do for a living? Where did I go to school? Thankfully my studies abroad and my professional status distract her enough not to ask about my parents. When the conversation dwells and I fear she will ask me the dreaded questions, Edward speaks.

"Where's dad?"

"You've been here for a while and now is when you decide to ask for me…" A masculine voice answers him from the entrance. Carlisle has arrived, it seems. A tall, impeccably dressed man enters the living room. He exudes confidence and elegance. Esme smiles and gets up to greet her husband with a peck on the lips. They share some words in hushed voices but they are clearly sweet. I find this scene intriguing. My parents never acted like that. Carlisle turns to regards us then and Edward gets up to hug his dad before introducing me.

"Ah, the secret treasure my son has been keeping. Thanks for coming Isabella." Carlisle greets me with a firm but polite handshake.

"Thank you for having me Mr. Cullen." I reply, not commenting on the first part of his sentence. He watches me with a strange expression on his face and I find myself craving something stronger than wine to get through this.

Lunch is served after that and although so far nothing's happened, there's some tension in the air. They know I'm the reason Edward and Emmett are fighting, they are just graceful enough not to ask right ahead about this matter. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen are the living example of a socially perfect couple. They are educated, polite, refined and simply charming. They behave as royalty. Esme is a bit absorbed in a shallow world, because of the profession she does and the people she mingles with. I understand her perfectly. I could say the same thing about myself. The work we do influence our behavior and interests in a great manner. Appearances are everything in our respective line of work and most of the time it translates to every aspect of our lives.

Edward was right about Carlisle, he is strongly opinionated. He has a no bullshit kind of attitude and so far there hasn't been a subject we've talked which he wasn't well acquainted with. I think he is the only person I've met that is smarter than Edward.

"So…Edward…why haven't we heard anything from Isabella before?" Carlisle asks finally while we are eating our desserts. Edward drops his spoon to tug hard at his hair. He is silent for a moment, before he looks up to me, then his father.

"Um…we were waiting." He answers tentatively, delaying the real answer. My chest is starting to constrict. I take large intakes of breath but the air doesn't seem to reach my lungs.

"Waiting for what dear?" Esme asks looking confused and concerned at the same time.

"We were waiting for Bella to be done with some…legal matters." Edward answers his mother. I wish we were seating next to each other so I could hold his hand. If I am not in contact with his skin soon enough, I think I'll combust on the spot.

"What legal matters?" Carlisle asks firmly. He already knows something's going on. I feel his eyes changing from polite to untrusting when he looks at me.

"Bella's been going through a divorce." Edward says his voice wavering. Oh my God, he's losing it. I look at him and his face is flustered. He is as nervous as I have ever seen him. He is doing this for me. He is doing this for us. What have I done?

This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea. I chant again and again in my head.

"For how long exactly?" His father inquires. He wants us to be done with this. He already knows what's going on. I can tell he knows. Edward doesn't answer.

"It's been a couple of months now. The other party involved has been…uncooperative." I say. I decide it's time to step it up. I am condemned anyway. I know I may never be deserving enough of Edward, but I can try. I've already come this far. I've already come to terms with the fact that Edward makes me feel in a way no one has. I've already left my husband, and even thought he is not the only reason for that, he might as well be.

"That must be awful." Esme says politely. She is the perfect society woman. She is expected to be courteous all the time. I can't figure out the realness of her words right about now. I'm too busy fighting a panic attack, and trying to remain collected enough. I feel myself nod slightly at her.

"And how long have you and Edward been seeing each other?" Carlisle asks me. I fight to keep down my snarky remark. This man! He already figured it out, but he wants to torture me. I literally bite my tongue to not answer him. "Edward?" he prods when I stay silent.

"It's been a year now dad." Edward says with courage. I watch his posture change from nervous and afraid, to determine and defiant. I think he's getting ready for a fight. I don't want that. I'm sure that I can take any heated words they throw my way, even if I bury myself in my pillow to cry myself to sleep for a week. However Edward, my sweet innocent Edward, I'm not sure he's strong enough to handle a big fight with his parents. His out of place attitude this morning is one proof of that. The hurt look on his face yesterday when his brother left, is another.

"I see." Carlisle replies softly. He looks calm and unaffected. I wonder if this is all an act. I can't read him. I don't like it.

"What are you saying Edward? What does this mean?" Esme inquires with a strong voice. She's already on board on the let's-hate-Bella-cruise. I could welcome her with open arms, for I'm the freaking captain of the boat.

"It means that Isabella cheated on her husband with our son. Am I wrong?" Carlisle brings me out of my not so cheerful thoughts. He looks at me with cold piercing eyes. I feel like a teenager again. I remember the icy stares people would give me at school while whispering. I remember the hateful words about being a drug addict's daughter. I remember feeling ashamed for my mother's actions. I remember the constant struggle to remain numb, to force myself not to care, to keep a straight face.

In the swirling mix of bad memories, I am rewarded with my moments with Edward. All those times when I went to his apartment feeling empty inside and left full of life come back to me. The look of pure bliss he always wears when I arrive to his door is present on my mind. The indescribable feeling that is having him as a part of my own body, assaults me with the strongest force. I am pushed by these memories to do right by Edward. Because he deserves it. Because I need to stop being a coward. Because I know that Edward is the only good thing I've ever had and I don't want to lose him. I've taken him for granted for so long because I thought it'd be easy to pretend he wasn't important. I thought that if I kept him at arm's length, I wouldn't develop feelings for him and that would keep me from getting hurt.

Right now, I don't want to be at arm's length. I wish to bury myself, body and soul, under his skin and never leave his side. I don't care if I get hurt in the end. I just don't care.

"No, Mr. Cullen." I answer Mr. Cullen's question. He is not wrong. I cheated on my husband with Edward, but it's never been about cheating. Edward's always been so much more than a dirty affair.

Esme stays put in her seat. She doesn't seem to be breathing. Her face wears an unchanging look of shock. Carlisle stands and asks Edward to have a word with him in his study.

Crap.

Crap.

Crap.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

I need to be by Edward's side or I don't know if it'd make it. I need to be calmed by the green of his eyes. I stand in a zombie like state ready to follow Edward, who is wearing his ready to fight posture.

"No…Isabella…you stay." Esme's voice stops me. She has composed herself. Edward gives me a sad look and hesitates a bit, before walking behind his father.

I sit back down on my chair and face his mother. At some point, the maid of the family came to retrieve our plates and now the table is deserted. Esme regards me quietly. There's no coldness in her stare but there's no sweetness either. I grab the edge of the tablecloth; I squirm a bit on my seat. Several long minutes pass before she speaks.

"Edward never got in trouble when he was at school. He was a very well behaved boy." She begins. I have no trouble believing her. I imagine he was. I am not sure if I'm supposed to say anything, so I just smile timidly. I don't think she noticed. "He and Emmett never fought. They had disagreements like all brothers do, but it was never serious." She continues. This is just great. She wants me to feel guilty. As if I need any help from her. As if I don't do that very well on my own, thank you. Once again I remain silent.

"Imagine my surprise when I receive a call from my older son, telling me that he and Edward had a fight. By the sound of Emmett's voice, I knew it was a big one. My question was why…why were they fighting? And now I know…" She says.

"Mrs. Cullen I," I start, but she holds her hand up to stop me.

"Do you realize what all of this could do to him? What he could lose? His career? He is a lawyer. People put their trust in him. He could lose all of his clients. This could ruin his whole reputation." She says fiercely. Her voice is slightly raised. She's trying not to lose control.

"I…understand," I begin again but she cuts me off.

"He's in love with you. He's completely smitten by you." She tells me, softening her voice. I stiffen. "I know my son…I don't, however, know you. What about you Isabella? Are you in love with Edward?" She asks.

I am sweating. I can't breathe. I need a drink…or something…anything.

Why would she ask me that?

Crap.

What do I answer? What do I answer?

Seconds before I pass out from the lack of air and the inquisitive eyes of Mrs. Cullen, Edward comes back into the dining room with both of our coats in hand. I start calming down almost instantly.

"Bella, let's go." He commands, grabbing my hand and standing me up.

"Is everything okay?" I whisper worried when I'm standing in front of him.

"It will be." He whispers back, nodding. He goes to his mom and kisses her forehead saying some things I can't make out. Edward walks back to me and wraps my coat around my shoulders before placing a protective arm around my waist.

He is the only thing I could ever need. I am cool and collected since he walked back into the room. He's my constant piece of perfection. The owner of my true happiness; my everything.

Before Edward drags me towards the grand door, I turn around, making sure to look Esme straight in the eyes before speaking.

"Regarding to your question, Mrs. Cullen…the answer's yes."

I say before walking away next to my real existing prince charming.

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><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading! It means a lot. I hope you enjoyed this.<strong>

**I must say this will be the BPOV. Let me know what you think.**

**As usual, if you have any questions, I'm here.**

**I also want to thank to the people who are reading my other story Friendzoned, because the response has been amazing!**

**Anyway, next chapter Edward will be back and we'll get things going for the future of this two.**

**_PS: _**_**If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.**_

_**Till next time, xo.**_


	14. Just Like Heavenor Not

**SM owns. **

**Thank You Mari.**

**The name of this chapter, of course, it's because of the song "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 13: Just Like Heaven…Or not.<strong>

"_But all bubbles have a way of bursting or being deflated in the end."_

_Barry Gibb. ~_

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><p>"Have you lost your mind Edward?" My dad asks me trying to hold back his anger. I know he's upset. I know he's trying to be the always-composed man, even though right now, he probably wants to scream at me.<p>

I stay silent. I'm sure he meant it as a rhetorical question.

He is pacing back and forth behind the desk in his study. He tugs his hair and I notice how much I resembled him, even if we're not biologically related.

"How could you be so reckless son? This is not the kind of behavior I expect from you. Is she…one of your clients? Are you the one handling her divorce?" He asks me slightly panicked.

"What? No, dad…listen…Bella's been working on her own with her lawyer to get a divorce. I am not involved in the case." I answer him.

He seems to relax a bit, but his eyes are still hard around the edges. He's not happy with me. I know it. In the meantime, I'm just worried about Bella. She's alone with my mother and despite the fact that I trust my mom not to be hurtful or anything, I know Bella is probably freaking out.

I still can't believe she subjected herself to this.

"Edward, son, why did you do this? How could you let yourself be involved in something like this? It's not…right." My father's voice brings me out of my thoughts of concern for Bella.

"I'm…in love with her dad. It doesn't matter if she's married. It doesn't matter if she's not in love with me…and…" I stop to give my voice more force for the next thing I'm going to say, "It doesn't even matter what you guys think of her…I _love _her. I can't be without her and as long as she wants to be with me, I am going to be with her." I finish feeling much better and more confident.

I aim to please my family, to make them proud of me, to in some way, not let them regret their choice of adopting me as their child. But that doesn't mean I don't thrive to be happy. My dad stays silent for a while and I am too tempted to leave him and go find Bella.

What is mom telling her?

"I understand that maybe…your feelings betray you and you're not seeing clearly…" He starts but I can't let him continue.

"Dad, I don't need a lecture on what's right or wrong. Believe me, I know the difference. I've struggled with the moral aspects of my relationship with Bella. I am not blind. I just…" I stop there because I don't know if I getting anywhere with this.

"You love her. I…get that son. I just wish…I'm sorry. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to deal with this." He answers and I see the conflict and turmoil in his eyes. He doesn't know whether to be supportive of my feelings for Isabella or stay stuck in the affair aspect.

I stay silent, giving him a moment. When I think he's had enough, I speak again.

"I should go." I announce, because not being with Bella right now, is eating me inside. I need to see she's okay. I need to touch her and let her know we'll be fine.

My father nods at me, and before I turn around to leave, I see a glimpse of compassion in his eyes. He knows this is hard for me. I think that he understands, and I know, even if it doesn't seem like it right now, everything will be fine.

After I find Bella and let her know we need to go, I say my goodbyes to my mom, asking her to trust me, before taking Bella with me to leave. She answers something to my mom and then we are on our way.

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><p>Once the secret is out, at least in my family, I think Bella and I start feeling the joys of our relationship much more. We develop kind of a routine. We go out at least twice a week, not only for dinners, but for lunch too. We call each other every morning and every night before going to sleep, and the rest of the day is filled with fun flirty texts.<p>

I notice some changes in her, but I'm not sure if she's conscious of them. She smiles more, she laughs more, and she rolls her eyes less. When we kiss, it doesn't feel like we're running out of time anymore. We hold hands in public, we hug, we kiss, and when she touches me, it doesn't feel like she has an ulterior motive like before. It seems like she does it just because she wants to. I wonder what changed, but I haven't asked.

It's not like she used to be cold, of course not. However, it always seemed like she was holding back. She kept me at arm's length before and now, it really feels like we are a couple. Not an affair, or a dirty little secret, but two people who care about each other and enjoy their time together. She still doesn't know I love her more than life, though.

It's been a month since our first date, and we are meeting tonight to celebrate. She doesn't know that's the real reason behind it though. I don't know if she's keeping track of that kind of thing.

"_So…what should I wear tonight?" _She asks me through the phone. I'm killing some time talking to her before a meeting.

"Wear whatever you want, sweetheart. You'll look good in anything." I answer.

"_I know that. I need to know if it's casual or what…" _She tells me above some background noise. That's one thing that doesn't change; her work schedule.

"We're going to an Italian restaurant. You decide what to wear from there." I tell her and she apparently, makes up her mind about her outfit.

After we hang up, I go to the meeting, win some new clients, and I'm done for the day. When I get home, I go straight for the shower and start getting ready for my date. Around seven thirty, I am ready to go and I text Bella to let her know.

The ride to her place is filled with excitement about seeing her. This week we had to rearrange our lunch date, because when she could I couldn't, and vice versa. I am aching to be in her presence. For a moment during my drive, I start thinking about my brother. I haven't really talked to him since that day he went to my place.

My parents, as I imagined it'd be, have reach out to me since I last visited them. We talk on the phone and they even apologized for making me think I couldn't talk to them about Bella sooner. Our relationship isn't as easy as it was before, but at least there is one. At least I don't turn off my phone when they call, which is what I used to do sometimes, when they didn't know about my relationship with Bella.

I arrive to Bella's place and I don't even have to get out of the car, because she's waiting for me outside. I've never been inside her apartment but at least now I know the number of it. It's not like she hasn't invited me in, she did last week, and I couldn't stay.

_Maybe tonight_, I muse.

"Hi handsome." She says getting in, pecking my lips twice. I get to smell the rich scent of her skin and taste the heavenly flavor of her lips. I instantly want more.

"Hello, Bella. You look beyond words." I tell her looking at her legs that are exposed by her really short pink dress and looking even sexier because of her really high heels.

"You might want to focus your attention elsewhere playboy." She tells me, lifting my head with her hands and smirking at me. I didn't realize I was ogling her so obviously. I smile bashfully and kiss her neck once before composing myself enough to drive.

She plays with my hair on the way to the restaurant and tells me about her day. I listen and comment intently and take her hand to nip at it every chance I get.

We arrive to the restaurant and a couple of valets open our doors before giving me the ticket. A host greets us, and walks us to our table. The restaurant has a classic European décor. The lights are turn down low giving it the romantic vibe I was looking for.

Our waiter arrived seconds after we were seated and he rambled off what I supposed was the usual greeting. Isabella and I didn't really pay attention because we were too concentrated on giving each other looks across the table. Only when the boy asked Bella a question directly, did we come out of our little bubble. She giggled, making my heart sing a little, before asking the waiter to come back later.

One of the many things I love about Bella is how she can allow me to pepper her with attention and treat her like the lady she is, but at the same time she's not afraid to take charge when she feels like it.

"Stop it." She whisper-yells at me once the waiter is gone to another table.

"Stop what?" I ask her, trying not to laugh because I think I know what she means.

"Looking at me like that." She answers trying to be firm, but the almost smile on her face and the bright glow of her eyes betray her. We banter back and forth for a bit, and then decide to read the menu and choose something to eat. We call the waiter and place our orders, asking for some wine before the food.

"So, does this count as an anniversary or something?" She asks me after she sips her wine gracefully.

"What do you mean?" I ask her back because I'm not sure what she's talking about. She gives me a knowing look.

"It's been a month since our first official date, hasn't it?" She tells me matter of factly, and it's a miracle that I don't spill my wine. I didn't think she'd remember.

"Yes, that's right. I…I didn't think you…" I murmur.

"That I'd remember?" She asks me when I don't finish the sentence. I just nod at her slightly. She takes my hand and speaks. "I could never forget."

I inch my chair closer to her and kiss her.

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><p>"Your mom called me today." She says out of nowhere. We already ate our dinner and are now walking around a little park that's in front of the restaurant. The night is cold and I'm thankful for it, because it gives me the perfect opportunity to keep Bella tugged under my arm.<p>

"What? Why?" I ask her.

"She wants me to have lunch with her." She replies. The wheels in my mind start running, trying to figure out a reason why my mom would do this. I get lost in a myriad of thoughts, before I feel Bella's hands on my face. She's untangled herself from my grasp and is now standing in front of me.

"Hey," she whispers, "don't freak out on me Edward. She just wants to get to know me better. That's what she said. Something about starting off on the wrong foot and trying to make amends." She tells me caressing my face softly while she speaks. I'm calm by her touch and her words start making a bit of sense.

"It seems like something my mom would do, I guess. You don't have to go, you know that right?" I assure her, taking her hands in mine and kissing each wrist.

"I know… I told her I'd see what I can do. It's not like I have time to be off having lunches anytime I want." She counters.

"You have lunches with me." I remind her, raising an eyebrow at her. She looks to the ground and bites her lip before answering me in a low voice.

"You're…special."

I wonder if the way I get all warm inside when she says things like that is ever going to go away. I hope not. I enjoy the twisting my heart does at her presence and her words. That's the best king of love anyway, the one that hurts so good. I've read countless times people talking about this feeling. When you feel you could burst at any point from feeling so much. When you feel your heart will give out if it doesn't find a way to love a little harder, to love until it aches all over, to love until you can't love anymore. The way I love my Bella.

With a tremendous amount of self control, I manage not to tell her that I love her this way and just kiss her. I kiss her until I feel her knees give out on her, and I have to support most of her weight to keep her standing. I kiss her until she has to pull away to get some air, until my head hurts from her tugging at my hair. I tell her with my kiss all the words I can't tell her. At least not for a while.

"Let's go, please." She breathes and I can't deny her, for I want the same thing.

After our first date, sex has been slow, or nonexistent. We've only done it once, because time hasn't been on our side. At the same time, I think it's been exactly what we needed, much to my traitor body's dismay.

Not having sex every time we see each other, as difficult as it's been, has allowed us to enjoy each other in different ways. I get to talk to her, to listen to her, to watch her be herself. I get to know all the little things I've always wanted to know.

Her favorite color is dark green. Her favorite food changes from lasagna to tacos, back and forth, depending on her mood. She is obsessed with chocolate but doesn't allow herself to eat it as much as she would like. When she's concentrated on something, she taps her fingers nonstop and when she's excited she twists her hair a lot. The silliest things I can pay attention to now that she lets me see them. Now, that she doesn't seem to be hiding behind a constant mask. Now, that she doesn't shut me up with kisses and caresses when I ask a lot of questions. Now, that I am not paranoid that I may not see her again when we part ways.

We start making our way towards the restaurant again to get the car. We stop to kiss several times on the way, until we finally manage to restrain ourselves. When we get there, I hand the ticket to the valet parker immediately, desperate to be on my way.

"Edward? Is that you?" A feminine voice says from behind us, while we wait in the entrance of the restaurant. I turn around to find out who's talking to me. Relief overwhelms me when I find that is just, Mary Johnson one of my parents' friends.

"Hello, Mrs. Johnson, is nice to see you." I greet her politely returning the crushing hug she gives me. After she lets go of me, I instantly find Bella's hand to take in mine. Her posture changed as soon as Mary said my name.

"It's nice to see you too, dear. Look at you, all grown up and on a date." She gushes not so subtly. Mrs. Johnson is one of those ladies who never stop seeing you as a twelve year old. So I'm sure she's surprised I am old enough to have a love life now. I take the bait and introduce Bella to her.

"Swan?" Mrs. Johnson asks referring to Bella's last name. We both nod slowly at her, trying to figure out where she's going, at least I am. For some reason, I think Bella knows what's going on. Mary shakes her head as if to clear it, and then speaks again. "I'm sorry, I could've sworn I'd seen you before, but the name Swan doesn't ring any bells. I'm sorry kids, I'm getting old." Mrs. Johnson smiles politely at us, just as the valet parker comes to the front with my car.

I say goodbye to her and walk towards the car with Bella in hand. She's too quiet. She's too tense. I am definitely worried now.

"What was that about?" I ask Bella once we are both seated inside the car. She's facing completely to the front, not even slightly moved towards me like she usually does. "Bella?" I ask again trying to concentrate on the road ahead of me, but desperately wanting to grab her face and search her eyes.

"She was right, Mrs. Johnson. She's seen me before. We've even been introduced before. Just not…"

"Not like Isabella Swan, but as Isabella Hunter." I finish when she trails off. She nods and I see her eyes drain from any sign of emotion. I squeeze her hand to remind her I'm here.

"When James and I were newlyweds," Bella starts after a moment of silence, "we used to go to a lot of functions and dinner parties, those kinds of things. We met at several of those events. I'm amazed she couldn't figure it out…" She continues with a pensive look on her face. "…unless she's lying. Oh my God, Edward! Do you think she's lying? Why would she lie?" Her breathing picks up and her face looks frantic. Her eyes are wild with worry. I hate it.

"Bella, baby, calm down, okay? I don't see why Mary would lie, relax." I tell her softly, rubbing her hand with my fingers. She shakes her head, not listening to me.

"What if she knows? What if she gossips about it? The only thing rich people do when they get together, besides talking about themselves, is talking about others. What if she…?" She rambles on, until I manage to stop the car on the side road and silence her with a kiss. I attack her mouth with abandon, taking her face in my hands while she holds onto my shoulders.

I peck her lips twice before skimming her face with my nose, humming because of her rich scent. She sighs and smiles tentatively at me.

"You're awfully adorable when you ramble like that." I say against her skin. She doesn't say anything; she doesn't have to for me to know her reaction. "I can almost feel your eye roll, Bella." I tell her while I place tiny bites to her neck. She uses her hands in my hair to push me away and gives me a glare.

"Edward, I'm serious. What if…?" I interrupt her again with a kiss.

"Bella, I know you're serious. I'm just trying to get you to calm down, so that you understand that your theory is most likely, not possible. I've known Mrs. Johnson since I was a child. I don't think she's conspiring against us. Please, relax." I plead with her, caressing her face. She gives me a long, skeptical look before nodding and kissing my cheek.

I know she must be surprised I'm handling this so well. I am surprised as well. Usually I'm the one freaking out about stuff. It's a nice turn of events that she feels she can trust me enough to see her like this. The fact that she's not holding out on me about her emotions is keeping me so grounded that I am calm enough to handle this.

I resume driving and get to Bella's place faster than before. Since it got so late now, the roads are practically deserted. We don't talk again. We just keep our bodies touching in some way. The mood has definitely changed and I can't wait to get to her place. Having Bella at her apartment, finally being in her environment will be the perfect ending to this night.

By the time we get to Bella's neighborhood, I'm feeling completely insane. I can't wait to be with her. I park the car and get out of it without waiting for her to invite me in. Her body language is invitation enough.

While I'm walking around the car to open her door, she gets out and meets me in the middle. She launches herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck, landing her lips against my own. I grab her waist and hold her as close to my body as I can. I devour her mouth and when we can't breathe, I move to her neck. I turn her body to press her against the car, lifting a bit of her skirt to caress her thighs.

She sighs and tugs at my hair to get me to look at her.

"I need you so much Edward." She whispers, and the look on her face matches her words. It takes all of my self control not to give in and take her here, on top of my car. I respond to her sentence by taking her lips in mine once again. Our bodies continue to move and if we don't stop I won't last long.

"Bella…" I plead her when her hands start unbuttoning my shirt and caressing the exposed skin of my chest. I shudder at the warm contact of her hands in the cold weather of the night. I continue to caress her legs, exposing more skin with each pass. Her skin breaks out in goose bumps when I take her earlobe in my mouth.

"Edward, I…" She pants. She's getting desperate by the teasing, I know her too well.

I don't know what clues me in, being as consumed as I am by Bella's turned on body under me, but I feel the presence of somebody close to us. I lift my head from her neck and see no one. I'm about to concentrate on Bella again when a masculine voice speaks.

"I've always knew you were just a horny bitch." The voice spats, making me turn around. I see a man, dressed in a rumpled suit looking at me with hateful eyes.

I feel Bella's body slide from the car slowly. She's as white as a ghost. Her face is full of shock and pain. I look from her to the man in front of me several times.

There's only one person who could ruin our night like this. There's only one person who could get this reaction out of her. There's only one person who could burst the perfect bubble we've been living in for the past few weeks.

James.

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><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading, it means the world. I hope you liked this chapter.<strong>

**Link to Bella's outfit. (Remove the spaces.) www . polyvore . com /cgi/set?id=43977080& . locale=es**

**People reading my other story Friendzoned, wait for an update later tonight.**

_**Till next time, xo. **_


	15. Rude Awakening

**SM owns.**

**Mari, you're everything that's right with the world.**

**No excuses, I'm just sorry.**

**(The name of this chapter has nothing to do with the Megadeth album) **

**Enjoy.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14: Rude Awakening.<strong>

"_The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it."_

_H. Norman Schwarzkopf.~_

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><p>I've never been in a fight before. I am not the kind of person to let confrontations get physical. It doesn't mean I don't know how to defend myself either. I have an older brother who took the job of teaching me how to punch someone seriously. He'd be proud to see the broken jaw of the man standing in front of me.<p>

When I figured out that James was the person behind us, the one to interrupt my passionate moment with Bella, the one who has been the reason behind nights of heartache for me in one way or another, I lost it. I didn't stop to think, or took deep breaths to calm myself; I just walked over to him and punched him in the face.

Seeing him not fighting me back and hearing Bella asking me to stop, brought some sense of reality back to my body, making me stagger back in shock. His blood is all over my knuckles and it makes me question who I've become. Watching the warm liquid running through my wrist, and through my dress shirt, makes me wonder why I did this.

He didn't deserve it. I realize this now. It's not his fault Bella grew up the way she did. It's not his fault she didn't love him enough to salvage their marriage, she didn't love him at all. If anything, he may be just a victim of her charms. I've been subjected to her flirty kisses and seductive looks when she wants something. Who is to say that it wasn't the same for him? Maybe he wasn't planning on marrying her at all. Maybe, when he took that business trip, he didn't expect to return home engaged. Maybe, in a very strange, very not possible way, he loves her. But not like I do, that's impossible.

The hurt look on his face as his gazes at Bella taking my injured hand in hers, confirms this.

"Are you okay Edward?" She asks cleaning my hand with a napkin. I don't know how much time has passed since I hit James.

"You should ask him. He's the one with a broken nose." I say coldly, taking my hand out of her grasp. A shock look settles on her face, followed by hurt and then confusion. She turns around to face James who is trying to stop the bleeding with his hand on his nose. And I know. In that instant his eyes connect with hers, I know he loves her. I know she hurt him by not loving him back, by cheating on him. I know he's trying to make sense as to why and how he got to this point. I wonder if that is going to be me five years from now.

"She doesn't care anymore." He tells me. "She's never cared." He turns around to walk away and I think he's leaving, but then he returns with some papers in his hand and drops it at her feet. Bella is as still as a statue and as white as a ghost. I've never seen her like this. I wonder what is going through her mind. I wonder if she's having as much conflicting thoughts and questions as I am.

"These…are our divorce papers, Isabella. You're free. You're free to go on living your life like this. You think this is what your mother wanted? For you to live your life like a robot, with no feelings? You're wrong. This is not what she meant. And if you keep that up you're going to end up alone, and probably a drug addict, just like her. So…good luck butterfly, good luck and goodbye." He tells her, full of passion and conviction despise the hurt in his eyes, and then walks away.

I flinched when I heard her full name coming from his lips. And my heart broke when he called her butterfly, probably an endearing name he used to call her.

I close my eyes and take deep breaths, trying to calm the turmoil inside me. I hiss when I buried my hand in my hair. Bella turns around at the sound, silent tears streaming down her face. She goes to me silently, takes my hand out of my hair, and starts dragging me to her building.

"I'm going home Bella." I tell her before she gets the idea I'm spending the night. She shakes her head and continues walking, trying to move me with her.

"Bella…" I breathe her name, pleading with her not to make this any harder.

"No, Edward. You are not driving home like that." She says in a monotone voice.

"It's just some bruised knuckles. I can drive myself home." I reason, not moving from my spot. She turns around to glare at me.

"Stop being so damn difficult Edward! You're not driving like this, so get inside so I can look at your hand."

I sigh, and take her in my arms. I smell her hair and feel her relax in my embrace.

"You know I can't stay." I whisper. She starts shaking her head frantically against me.

"You can't leave me. You can't leave me." She mumbles to my chest, grabbing fistfuls of my shirt. "Nobody cares about me, Edward. You're the only one who does. Please don't leave. Please, Please…" She continues, desperation clear in her voice. I pet her hair and rock her in my arms, shushing her because seeing her like this is breaking my already broken heart.

"That's not true sweetheart." I tell her after a moment. "James…" I start, trying to tell her that he loves her, because I'd recognize that look on anyone's face. I see it every day on myself. But she cuts me off and steps away from me.

"He's not important. I'm sorry Edward. I'm so sorry that you had to see that, baby. But it's okay…it's over. He's not my husband anymore, we can…we could…" She says looking around frantically, her hands shaking. She's falling apart. She's falling apart right in front of me, and I know that no amount of love is going to fix what has her damaged.

I take her hands in mine and place them in my chest. She takes deep breaths and manages to calm herself. I kiss her forehead and her lips, softly, once…twice, before speaking.

"Bella…do you love me?" I ask her gently, knowing this is going to be hard. She stiffens and looks down before trying to break my hold on her.

"No," I say stopping her. "Stay still, look at me, and just say the words. Tell me you love me." I plead her.

"I…Edward…please." She stutters, fresh tears forming in her eyes.

"I love you, do you know that?" I say when she can't finish any of the sentences she starts. She takes a deep breath and nods.

"I love you so much it's not healthy, baby. I love you so much it feels unreal. I love you so, so damn much Bella that I've been setting us up for a disaster. I thought my love was enough for the both of us, that me loving you so much, made up for the fact that you can't love me back. And we can't go on like this anymore, sweetheart. I need you to get yourself together, I need you to do whatever it is you need to do, for us to work, because if you don't…we'll have a repeated performance of tonight a few years from now, and we don't deserve it. So please, please love, I'm begging you, go deal with the demons inside you, and come back to me, come back to me so that you can whisper that you love me back."

She nods not uttering a word, not putting up a fight, making more tears fall from her eyes at the same time that it starts raining. And we just stand there under the rain, both of our tears concealed by the water from the sky, holding each other tightly.

I hug her and kiss her trying to show her all the love and pain I'm feeling right now. I hug her and kiss her, making sure to give her something worth coming back to.

I don't know when we will see each other again. I don't know when, _if, _she comes back, she will want to be with me. All I know for now is that I love her, and I love her enough to do this.

* * *

><p>I got in my car after a blonde woman named Rosalie arrived. She took Bella inside the apartment, and promised to take care of her. It was four in the morning. I drove, for what felt like hours until I found myself in front Emmett's house. I used my spare key, fixed myself a drink, and crashed on his couch.<p>

He arrived home at noon, took a long look at me, and fixed me another drink. I didn't leave his house for a whole week.

"Are you planning on telling me what happened at some point during your stay?" He asked on the third day, and I managed to tell him without falling apart.

"You did the right thing." He said and made me eat and take a shower that day, before getting me another drink and leaving for work.

Today is the first time I go to my apartment after that night. There are unheard messages, unchecked mail, nothing matters. This place feels, once again, void of life. It reminds me of the times when she used to come every Friday, only to leave early on Sundays.

Those were the hardest days of our relationship; when she left.

I always begged her to stay. But today, I am responsible that she's not here. Maybe we could've continued to pretend that things were going to be okay for a little while longer.

What if she doesn't come back? What if it was all for nothing? What if she meets someone else?

I start regretting my decision.

I miss her.

* * *

><p><em>One Month Later.<em>

"Has she called you?" My father asks me, refilling our drinks. I shake my head.

"She will."

"What if she doesn't?"

I empty my drink again. I don't have an answer for that.

* * *

><p><em>Two Months Later.<em>

The ringing of my phone wakes me up at three in the morning on a Saturday night. I answer it hastily, just to find silence on the other end. I have the feeling it's her, but she doesn't say anything. I fall asleep again with the phone pressed on my ear.

I don't know who needs more help out of the two of us.

* * *

><p><em>Three Months Later.<em>

"You've gained some muscles." My mom comments, during our weekly lunch.

I shrug.

"I've been training with Emmett." She smiles knowingly.

"Is he giving you a hard time?" She asks, ready to intervene if necessary.

"No more than the usual." I say casually.

* * *

><p><em>Four Months Later.<em>

They are all too much. Or not enough. They're too tall, or too short, too fat, or too skinny. Too long hair, too short hair. Their perfume is not right, their clothes are not right, nothing is right because they're not her.

"You're supposed to buy them drinks Eddy. That's why they dress up, so that rich good looking guys like us, notice her, and buy them drinks." My brother says before taking a long sip of his beer.

I ignore him.

"Is that what you think this is about?" A strong female voice asks from behind us.

"Excuse me?" Emmett says, turning around.

"You think we, as in women, dress up and come to the club, so that, how was it you said it… Rich, good-looking guys like you take notice and buy us drinks? As if I don't have the money to buy them myself? I could buy the entire damn bar if I wanted to, thank you very much. In fact, I don't even like guys buying drinks for me." She gives the speech of the year and both my brother and I are amazed with her.

I see the spark in Emmett's eyes, and I know he's done for. I am amazed for a whole other reason.

"Rosalie?" I ask her timidly. Her hair is different, and it's been a while, but I know it's her. Does that mean, she's with…?

"Edward?" She says, with recognition in her features. My brother just looks at us with confusion in his face.

The three of us leave the bar together, and I shoot Rosalie with questions. Where is she? What is she doing? Why hasn't she called? Who is with her? Is she coming back soon? Is she coming back at all?

Rosalie can't answer half of my questions, but I'm feeling better after we part ways. We exchanged phone numbers, and of course…my brother asked her out on a date. They'll get married one day.

I know it.

* * *

><p><em>Five Months Later.<em>

"Is this why you asked her to get better? So that she could come back to this? Damn it Edward, get yourself together. Bella is probably busting her ass off, trying to be the best woman she can be, because _you _asked her to, and this is what you're doing in the meantime? Drinking yourself to a coma every night? If you keep that up I'll call her and tell her not to bother to come to you. She deserves better."

Turns out Rosalie ended up being a good person to have in my life. She's all business and fire tongue. No bullshitting around this one, and I understand why she and Bella are friends.

She doesn't let me drink every night or mope around my house every day. She calls nonstop until I drag my ass out of the house and go to work. When the calls don't work…she stops by. She's a force to be reckoned with.

I just don't understand why she bothers. Why is she doing this with me? She just met me. I mean, a month is not really enough time to care enough for a person to do what she does for me.

I've come to the conclusion she's doing this for Bella. Because she thinks Bella is coming back to me and she doesn't want her to come to the pathetic man I've become in her absence.

Rosalie and Emmett are on a weird stage in their relationship. They've gone out like five times but they're not exclusive, and before Rosalie says yes to a date, Emmett usually has to work pretty hard for it.

I don't get their dynamic, but I don't care.

Nothing is really important enough to get my attention for a long period of time. My mind, body and soul are focusing in one thing and one thing only. Everything inside me knows that it's been five months since I last saw her.

Five months since I last held her in my arms and kissed her.

One hundred and fifty two days missing her, yearning for her, aching for her touch.

What was I thinking that night? What if she doesn't come back? What if she does come back but decides she doesn't want me?

What am I going to do then?

"Stop it." Rosalie's voice comes from my kitchen. She's fixing a drink for her or something. I'm not a good host. I look at her as she walks to the living room and joins me on the couch. I give her a questioning look.

"Your eyes have this crazed, derange look. You must be over thinking shit in your head. Stop it." She says in her firm voice, and takes a sip from her juice.

"I'm just…" I start but I can't continue. I take deep breaths and tug at my hair. Rosalie looks at me with expectant eyes. "I'm tired." I say. It's the best true I can give to her right now. She scoffs.

"Well, judging by the huge awful bags under your eyes, you must not be sleeping well. Of course you're tired." She says with no compassion in her voice or her face. It irritates me. Everything and anything does lately.

"That's not what I meant." I spat. She knows that. I'm tired of waiting. Of wanting. Of not knowing.

"Look," she says, her cold blue eyes softening for a second, "I know, okay? I mean, I get it. I'm…sorry." Her words do nothing for me. Not really. Because she doesn't know and she doesn't get it. And her being sorry doesn't fix anything. Plus, it's not her apology I need.

I don't voice my thoughts out loud. I just give her a short, stiff nod. She nods back and that's as warm and understanding as she's going to get, or so I thought.

When we walk to the door so I can bid her goodbye after she's finished her drink, she turns around, "Have some faith." She tells me with a small smile before walking away.

I want to have faith, I think as I walk to my bedroom.

The real question is, should I?

No, I don't think I should.

* * *

><p><strong>If there's anyone out there, still reading, thank you and I'm sorry.<strong>

**Next and final chapter before the epilogue should be up in a few minutes.**


	16. Summer Kissed Skin

**SM owns.**

**Mari, I'm running out of words for your awesomeness.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15: Summer Kissed Skin.<strong>

"_And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time." _

_Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing.~_

* * *

><p>I run. I run, pushing my muscles to their limit. I feel the burn and the ache as I force myself to keep running. I fool myself into thinking that the more I run, the less I think. If only that were true.<p>

With each fast step my legs take, I'm assaulted by a new memory of her. I'm out of breath and every part of my body aches, but it has nothing to do with the exercise. I see her face every time I close my eyes.

I miss her with every breath I take and every beat of my heart.

Where are you?! Why aren't you back? I want to scream.

So I just keep running.

* * *

><p>"Damn, Eddy, did you run a marathon?" Emmett asks before letting me in to his apartment. I can't catch my breath. I'm drench in sweat and thirsty. I'm sure I look like the mess I've been for the past months.<p>

I ignore my brother and make my way to his kitchen. I drink a full water bottle before joining him in his living room.

"You are not sitting your sweaty ass on my couch, bro." He tells me when he sees my intention to just crash face first on it. He drags a bar stool from his kitchen and ushers me to it. I snort and sit on the uncomfortable chair. My muscles scream in protest.

It's a different kind of pain. I welcome it.

I talk about nothing important with Emmett for a while until his cell phone rings. If it were possible, I'm sure I'd be able to see the skip of his heart to match the spark in his eyes. It's Rosalie.

My heart twists and contorts at the sight. I'm happy for him, but more than that I'm just plain jealous. I don't even care if it's selfish at all. I'm a monster when it comes to her.

"Um, yeah…he's here." I hear my brother's voice. He looks at me while I fiddle with the string of my sweatpants. "Are you kidding me? I can't….No way." He's speaking in hushed tones. I can't make out everything he says but he's starting to act really strange.

He looks at me a lot before returning back to his conversation, lowering his voice when he catches me looking back at him.

"…going to kill him. Fuck no, Rose, I won't." He's starting to get angry. He looks tense. I stand up and walk to him.

"What's going on?" I ask. He mumbles some words and I'm tempted to take the cell phone from his hands.

"Rosalie's being silly, no worries." He says after a moment, a fake smile on his face.

"Emmett, what is going on?" I ask again, annoyed because I can tell he's hiding something from me.

The minute it clicks I run out of his apartment.

She's back.

* * *

><p>"Rosalie, open the door!" I yell, knocking her door not caring about what anyone may think. As soon as I put two and two together, I went back to my apartment and retrieved my car. Rosalie lives close to Bella's so I couldn't exactly walk or run there.<p>

I didn't change out of my work out clothes. I just picked my car keys and drove straight to Rosalie's place. I've been knocking, pounding on her door for at least twenty minutes. I'm pretty damn close to just breaking the thing down.

I'm sure Rosalie's hiding her from me, but why? She knows how I've been. She knows how in need of seeing her again I am. Why would she hide her from me? Unless Bella asked her to.

"Damn it Rose! I swear to God—" I start but I'm cut off by the door opening.

"What the hell is your problem?!" Rosalie asks me, dressed in pajamas, an angry look on her face. I heave breaths that are too shallow to fill my lungs, before stepping inside her apartment without her permission. She curses me as I search every room like I have a right to.

"You know…you know what my problem is! Where is she?" I sound crazy even to myself. I stop for a moment, trying to calm down. I'm shaking.

"Well, not here, obviously." She answers with her usual mask of indifference. She reminds me of Bella sometimes. Not because everything does, but because they are similar in a lot of ways.

"She's back. I know it. Why are you lying to me?" I ask on the verge of tears, grabbing fistful of my hair with both hands.

"Edward, have you looked at yourself? You are one goddamn mess. Go home, take a fucking shower, drink some tea, and sleep the day away. You have my blessing." She says and goes to her room. I think she's going to come back out but then I hear the shower running.

Fuck.

I stand up and look around some more, slower this time. Thinking that maybe she isn't here right now, but she may be staying here. So I start to look for things, belongings that may look like hers. I find nothing.

With a heavy sigh, heavy limbs and heavy heart, I leave. I walk down the stairs defeated and disgusted with myself. I'm stupid and maybe a little out of my mind. I owe Rosalie an apology.

I'll ask for one tomorrow.

The walk to my car, parked in front of Rosalie's building, feels like millions of miles away.

Several things happen all at once; a gasp, a change in the air, the noise of things falling to the floor as my heart falls into place.

_She's here. _

I can sense her before I see her. Everything around me feels different, unimportant, background noise.

_She's here._

My eyes follow the contents at both of our feet until I'm staring at her beautiful face. Her brown eyes are wide with shock. Her hair is blowing all around her with the wind, carrying her intoxicating scent to me. She's wearing jeans and a sweater. I've never seen her dressed so…carefree.

We stand, suspended in time, grocery items lying on the floor as the world goes on around us. I take a real breath for what feels like forever. She's perfect. Even more than she's always been to me.

"Edward," she whispers, and I think I can exist again. I'm not a person in this planet unless it's for her. My name falling from her lips gives my heart meaning. My veins pump life into my body for a meaning, with a purpose, now that she's here in front of me. Now that she has spoken my name.

"You're back." I say with reverence, as if I'm standing in front of a Goddess. She is to me. She's everything and more to me. My lifeline, my religion, my passion and my love. My reason for existence.

She nods, her face neutral. For some reason, that small movement snaps me into action and I'm crouching on the floor picking up her stuff.

I'm transported to that day we met.

Except it's nothing like that. Everything's different now. And when she _lowers to the ground _and helps me, she proves everything _is _different.

Together, careful of not touching each other, we arrange her items back into the brown bag.

"Thank you." She says in a low, timid voice as we stand up. She doesn't even bother to dust off her jeans. I search her eyes. I stare, and stare, thinking that I can find a way into her soul…or at the very least, her complicated mind.

"Bella," I start but she shakes her head.

"I, um, Edward…we, can we talk?" She says, tripping over her words. I nod at her and motion for my car. She follows me, grocery bag in hands and steps inside.

For a minute, I just sit there, behind the wheel, not moving, not turning on the car. I face her. She startles.

"Look, if you're here to…whatever you have to say, just…do it. Okay? Just say it." I ramble, trying to look strong. Trying to let her know, that if she's here to break my heart again, she can just do it.

"I love you." She says in response and I think I've entered another world. I gape at her. She laughs a weird, nervous laugh and shakes her head. "I guess, I should've said I was sorry first. I am, sorry, that is. So sorry, you…you, I don't deserve you." She says and I'm in complete shock. I'm not sure I'm hearing her right.

For a minute I'm angry. Angry that I don't even get to really savor those words coming out of her lips. She's said _I love you _and _I'm sorry _ and I'm just at lost for words.

This is definitely not how I pictured this day. I thought, she was going to show up at my place when she came back, and hug me and kiss me, and she would whisper those words against my lips. However, we're trapped in my car. I'm wearing dirty, old clothes, coming down from an almost panic attack.

She's looking at me, expecting me to do something, to _say _something. But I just can't. I'm still adjusting to her presence in front of me. I'm still trying to comprehend what's going on.

"I knew it!" She snaps all of a sudden, startling me. "You've moved on, haven't you?" She says with unshed tears in her eyes. "You don't want me anymore. This is why I didn't want to leave! You finally figured out you deserved better than me, and I get it, you do, but…but I thought…I mean, you said…you promised…you were going to wait, and I tried, I tried really hard, because I wanted to come back to you, and be with you, because I love you, I love you so much! I have loved you all along, I just didn't, I just couldn't…but I worked on it, I'm still working on it, but it's okay, you deserve to be happy. Does she make you happy Edward? I hope she does, I mean it, because…I…"

"Bella!" I shout at her, and she shuts up abruptly, tears falling down her face. This is familiar. This kind of rambling is coming from the woman I fell in love with. She may be dressed differently, her hair may be longer, her skin may be sun kissed and she may have gotten down to the floor to pick up groceries in the middle of the street, but she is still there.

"Finally, something I know." I whisper, because even though our relationship was hard and difficult and even though she had some issues to work on, I never wanted her to be a different person. I fell in love with all of her, flaws and all.

And before she went on in that long rant, I didn't understand why I hadn't said more than a few words to her. But I get it now. I was scared and apprehensive of her being someone else. I thought all these months apart would make a stranger out of her, but maybe not.

Because that endearing mini breakdown she just had, it's as familiar as the Seattle rain. I take her hand in mine, and close my eyes at the electro-shock of her touch. She sniffs-gasps at the contact, her brown eyes questioning as she looks at me.

I rub my thumb over her knuckles as I talk.

"Bella, sweetheart…there's…no one." I start, and I can see her body relax. Before I know what I'm doing, I'm taking her face in both of my hands. "Do you understand that? Trust me, there's no one else." I say, pouring honesty into my voice. She nods as I clean her face from her tears.

"Edward…I know…I know I have no right. I'm sorry." She says and I shake my head and in a bold move, peck her lips. She's still precious to me. No matter what.

The small kiss is not enough to extinguish my thirst for her, but it seems to reassure us both about what we want.

After a few minutes we calm back down and I drive us to my apartment. When we get there I can feel the tension in the air. This place is ours. Not mine. And I know it's affecting her, being here…as much as it's affecting me having her back here.

I try to underplay it, so I excuse myself to take my needed shower, leaving her in the living room. I try to clear my head as the water cleans my skin, but after I'm done, my thoughts are still a mess.

I get dressed in old jeans and a t-shirt and join her in the living room. When I get there, she's standing next to the phone, a frown on her face. She doesn't face me while I stand behind her at a safe distance, but I know she knows I'm in the room.

"Why is Rosalie calling you?" She asks. Doesn't she know? "Why…were you exiting Rosalie's building?" She asks turning to face me, confusion written all over her face.

"Um…she and Emmett are kind of a thing now." I started. It was the safest way. She looks surprised. "Bella, just how much you and Rosalie have talked in the past months?" I ask. She smiles a sad smile.

"Not much. And apparently not enough." She answers and moves to sit on the couch. I join her.

I tell her about running into Rosalie that night at the bar, and how she became a constant in my life. She listens without interrupting or commenting on my stories about not wanting to get out of bed some mornings and Rosalie being the one to kick my ass for it.

"She's a bit…insistent." I say and Bella smiles lightly before nodding.

"So you guys are friends." She states.

"Yeah, I mean…sure…why? Is that a problem?" I ask when I see the grim look on her face. Her face softens when she hears me and shakes her head.

"No, no! It's just…she never mentioned it, that's all. In fact…she wouldn't even let me talk to her about you." She tells me.

"Well, if it's any consolation…she…she never really let me talk to her about you either…" I offer and we fall into an uncomfortable silence. We both fidget a lot, not finding our place in the couch, not knowing what to do with our hands, not knowing where to look. It's awful. But I'll take this any day instead of her piercing absence.

"Do you want something to drink?" I ask after a while. She shakes her head.

"I went to this place…" She starts out of nowhere, sitting cross-legged on the couch, her back to the armrest, facing me. Her eyes are focused, like a woman on a mission. She looks determined, but there's this vulnerability underneath it. I can't explain it, but it's there. I mirror her position and brace myself for her story. "um…it was like a support group, people with all kinds of issues and problems went there to…talk to each other, I guess, and to the professionals that run the show…" She begins. "The people there, they were dealing with the kind of issues I have—had. People with so much bigger problems than mine…and I just sat there, listening to them talk about what they've gone through, what their loved ones had gone through; accidents, illnesses, abuse, addictions, and I was just there with my petty little trust issues and insecurities. It was an eye-opener." She says and I soak up her words.

She looks at me the whole way through her speech. She doesn't lower her eyes or hides behind her hair. She actually has it up in a pony tail. I want to comment on it but refrain.

"I have made so many mistakes." She continues. "But, I'm not ashamed of them, I'm just sorry because I've hurt so many people. Because I've been blind for so long." She says and I swear her eyes throw an arrow to my soul.

"Where were you?" I ask, my voice barely audible.

"California." She answers. That explains her summer like glow. I have this urge to taste her and see if I can find the sun on her skin. "It was a nice house. We had a schedule but we had a lot of freedom. I mean, it wasn't a rehab center, you know? I just basically spent a lot…a lot of time talking about me and my concerns and…"

"Me?" I fill for her when she falls silent. Her eyes soften. No, not just her eyes. Her entire face.

"Of course."

I can't contain my smile. She laughs out loud and it's the most amazing sound in the entire world. I join her. It feels like Heaven.

"I missed you so much." She says after we stop laughing. Her eyes nothing but sincere.

Without any type of apprehension, I drag her across the couch and we hug in the middle of it. I bury my face in her neck and feel her heart beat in harmony with mine. We both take deep breaths, holding each other tightly.

"Oh, Bella…I miss you too."

We arrange each other on the couch until her back is pressed to my front, my arms around her and her hands playing with my fingers. This new position, even though it's giving me the intimacy I crave and her healing touch, prevents me from looking at her eyes as she recounts several things from her months away. But she often cranes her neck to meet my eyes, so I guess it's okay.

She tells me about writing letters that were never sent to people she's hurt in the past. About having a better understanding on the subject of what having control over one's emotions and feelings really is. About learning that it's okay to need help and let people in…about realizing that she doesn't have to repeat her mother's mistakes. She tells me about talking to her dad and how they are slowly staring a relationship.

I stay silent as she talks, except for when I asked her why she didn't call me, and she told me how she was advised not to, so that all of her work on herself was based on her and not me. I didn't understand much of that having to do with calling me, but I let it go. She's here now.

She shares all these stories without me having to ask, and I can hear and feel the tremor in her voice at some parts. I can see the amount of effort it takes for her not to fold into herself and stop sharing. I can see her struggle with wanting to hide behind her mask of indifference. However, I see her pushing through all of that. I see the flicker of pride in her eyes at having conquered her obstacles. I see her desire to keep growing.

I love her more than ever. I love her fragility and vulnerability. I love the way she smiles at me when I kiss her head out of nowhere. I love the way she tightens her hold on my hands when her story gets rough. I love the way she's scared and unsure. I love the way I know as soon as we find our rhythm again she's going to be giving me hell as usual. I love the fact that this is a new Bella intertwined with the Bella I fell in love with. I get to discover new parts of her and I get to be there when she discovers new sides of herself.

"I met with James last month." Bella's voice brings me out of my thoughts. "We had lunch together…He forgave me for…uh, cheating on him. He has a new girlfriend. He's moving to Chicago, I think. We left on good terms…I think. I hope." She tells me and I stay quiet. All of a sudden she turns around, sitting on her folded legs like a little girl and looks at me before talking. "I did that for myself, because I needed to do it. But I did it for us too. I don't want James to be a ghost in our relationship. I want us to be Bella and Edward, Edward and Bella, and that's it." She says with the most serious look on her face. I'm so shocked I don't even know how to react, so I just stare at her. I'm sure my mouth is hanging open right now. I mean…I can't even…

"I mean, that is…if you still…if you want…to be with me, of course." She says and it's the first time she lowers her eyes from mine in the past few hours. I chuckle at her silliness.

"Bella," I whisper as I take her face in my hands, forcing her eyes back to mine, "you know I want to be with you. I thought…I thought that was clear."

"You haven't said it back." She says in a small voice. Irony lives in this moment. I take a deep breath, preparing myself. My life will change after this. I know it. I'm ready for it. I've been waiting and dying for it.

With a smile, and pouring my heart into my words, I say:

"I love you too, Bella."

And life is exactly how it's supposed to be.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading.<strong>

**This is the final chapter. I should have an epilogue in a couple of weeks or so.**


	17. Epilogue: No Regrets

**SM owns. I'm just messing around. **

**Long ass note at the end.**

**Mari, I can't even with you.**

_**[This chapter quote belongs to the lovely ladies yellowglue and TeamBella23, writers of the**_

_**fic called Dusty, that basically owns me right now.]**_

**See you at the end.**

**Enjoy.- **

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue: No Regrets<strong>

"_Love is endless possibilities."_

_Dusty by YellowGlue, chapter 22._

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><p>I feel warm, soft lips fluttering against my skin; my jaw, my lips, my throat. This is a good dream. Too good. I lose myself in it.<p>

"Edward," her voice whispers and I smile. A good dream indeed. I turn my face to the sound while more tiny kisses are given to all of me.

I think I moan. I hear a giggle.

"Wake up, sleepy head." Bella says as I start to come out of my unconscious state. She pecks my lips and plays with my hair.

With my eyes still closed, I search for her body. My hands find her waist, then her butt and we push and pull against one another as burning desire settles in my groin.

She gasps and sighs and I finally open my eyes to see the pleasure on her face. Her eyes are closed, her eyebrows are scrunched together and her teeth bite her bottom lip.

I live for this.

I use my fingers and my mouth to intensify that look on her face until she comes. I'm so glad I'm awake.

She opens her eyes and smiles at me as I look down at her, and position myself between her legs. She wraps her arms around my neck and thrusts upward, joining our hips in a suggestive manner, causing a hiss to escape out of me.

"I was supposed to wake you up with an orgasm, not the other way around." She confesses and I grin at her. Her hair is splayed underneath her and her skin is flushed with the brightest pink that I only get to see when we're like this.

"We still have time for that, sweetheart." I finally say, pushing inside her.

We move until out bodies find the ultimate state of bliss, whispers of love and desire tumbling out of our lips.

While we lay on the bed, trying to catch our breaths, I play with her hair and she caresses my chest.

"Are you ready to say goodbye to this place?" I ask her. She nods before looking up at me with her always curious brown eyes.

"Are you?" She counters and I nod back.

I am so ready for this. I've been waiting for this day for a while now, and it's here at last.

We grin at each other for a few seconds before the doorbell rings, interrupting our moment. We mutter curses of annoyance as we get out of bed and into our last night's clothes.

We make our way to the front door, hand in hand and let our intruders in. Guys in uniforms greet us pleasantly and get on with their job right away, moving boxes around.

"Are you really ready for this?" I whisper to the top of her head. Determination settles on her face as she stands on her toes and kisses me before adding, "I am."

This reality is far much better than the dream.

* * *

><p>"Why are we flying with you again?" Emmett asks from his seat while we wait for our flight to board.<p>

"Because we're good people." Rosalie answers in my behalf, pecking his lips. He softens immediately and smiles at her. Bella tightens her hold on my hand at the sight.

Truth is, I don't know the answer to that myself. When Bella and I decided to move all the way from Seattle to California, it came as a shock to everyone around us and a lot of protests were made. My mom hasn't come to terms with that yet. Her crying self before we said goodbye earlier is proof of that.

But months later of announcing our news, here we are, about to board our plane with my brother and Rosalie, his fiancee, in tow to help us settle in our new house.

I fell in love with that big mansion as soon as I saw it, surprising both Bella and me with how ostentatious it is. She joked about me being as pretentious as my parents. I rolled my eyes at her. I smile fondly at the memory of that trip we took last year. I wanted to see where Bella lived while she was away from me, and what it was about that place that gave my girl so much peace and insight. She grew up so much. And even though those months apart were Hell, it was the right thing to do.

I took a liking to California. I still can't figure out why. But when we had to part back to Seattle, I found myself not wanting to leave. Weeks later, I asked Bella about moving together to California, and her answering teary smile was the last impulse I needed to contact some people and buy that house. It's under both of our names.

"You aren't as good, just so you know. This has more to do with a rehearsal to your honeymoon than anything else." Bella says, bringing me out of my head.

"We don't need a rehearsal. We have plenty of hot sex, thank you very much." Emmett says, earning a giggle from Rosalie. Apparently she's capable of such reactions. My brother is the lucky one that gets them out of her.

"But isn't that about to end? You getting married and all?" I joke. He scoffs.

"Is that why you two haven't sealed the deal yet? Because you're scared of not getting laid afterwards?" Rosalie asks, back to her no nonsense self. I give her a pointed look.

She had to bring that up.

"I'm going to get some coffee." Bella says in a cold voice, detaching her hand from mine.

"You just had to go there." I spat at Rosalie when Bella's out of ear shot. She shrugs.

"I just don't understand why you two aren't married yet." She says.

"She isn't ready for marriage." I explain for what feels like the hundredth time.

My parents and I have had this conversation as well. After they accepted Bella in my life, it was all they talked about. _When are you getting married? Is your relationship stuck? Are you sure your relationship is going somewhere? _I just ignored them.

"What are you talking about? You have been an official couple for like, what, two years now?" Rosalie asks. I nod

One year, 10 months and 13 days to be exact.

"They were doing it way before that, you know." Emmett says, referring to the beginning of my relationship with Bella. When she felt more like a dream than a reality. When she gave me snippets of her time and her real self. When she wasn't really mine.

Leave it to my brother to be the one to bring those times up and sour my mood. I slump farther into the uncomfortable chair.

"I changed my mind, don't come with us." I grumble.

* * *

><p>"This house is a fucking dream, bro." Emmett says after we've put some boxes down by the indoor pool. His eyes take in everything around him, and he lights up like a little kid. I understand. This pool was one of the reasons I fell in love with this house.<p>

Bella and I had a lot of fun buying furniture online for this room. I can't wait to see how everything looks when we're finally done, moving things around and having stuff delivered.

I grin at my brother who's currently inspecting the door that connects the pool with the backyard, directly where I plan to place our BBQ.

"It is, and it will be even better when we're done decorating and stuff." I say as he makes his way back to me.

"I could take so many great pictures here. It seems like you'll have me visiting soon." He says with mirth on his face.

I just smile at him and make my way outside. I'm so thankful my relationship with my brother is as strong as ever. We made peace long ago. Those months Bella was away from me, allowed him to understand my feelings for her much better and in turn, allowed me talk to him at length about everything she and I went through.

And then, when she came back, it took some time, but he and Bella eventually hit it off. They both made an effort, not only because of me, but also because of Rosalie. I guess I really should be thankful I have her in my life. She makes my brother happy, and she's a great friend to both Bella and me.

"Hey you," Bella says when she sees me entering the kitchen. Rosalie is opening boxes, while Bella puts stuff away. I smile at the sight.

"Hi." I say and make my way to her to kiss her. I wrap my arms around her, her back to my front, and I nuzzle her neck. I feel her shiver in appreciation. We stay like that for a few seconds, just enjoying each other, until Rosalie speaks.

"It's going to take forever to get this house look like a home. Why did you have to want such a big ass house Edward?" She asks, grabbing a knife and opening another box.

"Stop giving me a hard time about it, I just liked it."

"I don't know what you two will do with this mansion. You better start filling it with children soon." She says and buries her face inside the box she just opened. I tense up at her comment. Bella murmurs an excuse to get out of my arms and the room.

Rosalie just rolls her eyes at my stern look.

* * *

><p>It takes us a while, but eventually the house starts to look decent. Rosalie and Emmett helped a lot in the days they were here. Now, only a couple of rooms have boxes unpacked, and the outside furniture is the last one to be delivered sometime this week.<p>

Bella's happy. I catch her smiling to herself when she enters the kitchen, or the living room, or our bedroom and sees the work we've done. She sighs with content a few times a day and her eyes are always bright. I watch her. I watch her a lot. She usually catches me looking. We always end up tearing each other's clothes.

I'm happy, which of course means, I'm scared. But I'm trying not to let that get to me. I've been happy with Bella ever since she came back. We spent some time adjusting, trying to ease ourselves in our new relationship, and for a few weeks it was awkward at best. Until we finally found our rhythm. And now, here we are.

She's getting dressed in front of me while I lie on the bed in my underwear. She stands in front of the mirror, wearing dress pants and her bra. She's messing with her hair and huffing as she goes. She's nervous. She has a job interview today.

When we decided to move here, I pulled a couple of strings with some friends and managed to secure a job before arriving here. A friend I went to college with has a successful law firm, who to my incredible luck, lost one of their best lawyers this year, leaving a vacant waiting for me. It feels weird having a boss now, after being my own boss for so long, but I knew it'd be unrealistic of me to begin in this place without an important name backing me up.

Bella on the other hand, couldn't do the same, so we both decided she would start looking for a job when we got here. It's been two weeks since we moved, but today is the first day on the hunt. And she's freaking out. I can see it in the way she's handling herself right now. She's usually very self possessed in her movements. It doesn't make her look unapproachable like it used to. I'm still in awed of how much she changed, yet stayed the same.

She's managed to merge a sweet, innocent and vulnerable girl with a poised and strong woman. I love her.

"Stop looking at me, Edward." She says, twisting her hair in a weird up do before letting it fall down her back. She's done this three times this morning. I chuckle at her and get up.

"Why would I ever stop looking at you?" I ask, meeting her eyes in the mirror. "If you're so beautiful, and we both know how me looking at you usually ends." I add, smirking at her, and taking a step closer to her. She turns around and points a hairbrush at me.

"I don't have time to fool around, mister. So keep it in your pants." She says and I lift my arms indicating I won't do anything as I make my way to the adjoining bathroom.

"But just remember…you're the one who takes it out of my pants most of the time." I say before leaving the room.

I take my time in the shower so by the time I'm out, Bella's not in the room anymore. I get dressed without much fuss and make my way downstairs.

"You look gorgeous." I tell her as soon as I see her. She decided to wear her hair down, and her silk purple blouse looks great with her black pants. She's wearing killer shoes as well. I stand behind her and kiss her neck, murmuring a proper good morning while she serves us coffee.

"Thanks." She answers, tilting her head to the side, so I can kiss more of her skin.

"You shouldn't be nervous, you know?" I say to her skin, gripping her hips. "You have lots of experience in the area, you're smart and clever and you'll be great." I punctuate some words with kisses and I feel her relax in my arms.

It leaves me breathless. The fact that I have this effect on her makes me tremble with need. I want her. Always.

"You don't know that." She whispers, giving me her insecurities. To make them better, to kiss them away. To show me she's human, and that she's mature enough to let them out in the open.

"I know you." I tell her, because I do. After all we've been through, I know her.

She turns around and looks deeply into my eyes, asking me to believe her next words.

"I love you." Her voice is laced with feeling. I smile at her softly and look down at her. My life, my everything.

"I love you too." I say before kissing her lips and losing myself in her.

* * *

><p>Several weeks pass and our life in California is as good as any. Five failed job interviews later, Bella finally got a job at a local newspaper. She's very excited about it. Even though she doesn't hold a high position, she seems very eager to grow and I know that she will make the best of her time there.<p>

I'm just happy our work schedules turned out to be decent and we can see each other often. We leave for work at the same time in the mornings, and I return to find her home every night. Sometimes, my heart aches with how happy I am. I feel so lucky.

"We will get there in time, Rosalie, calm down." I hear Bella's voice before I see her, as I make my way to our bedroom. I find her pacing around the room, with an exasperated look on her face. She mouths hello to me, as I take my suit jacket and place it on the bed.

I continue to undress until I'm only wearing my pants. Bella's voice falters when she notices, and I smirk at her. She reassures Rosalie about whatever she's concerned about this time, and promises to call her later.

No sooner than she has ended the call, she's in my arms. I'm drowning in her scent as I bury my face in her neck. She runs her hands through my back, and I shiver at her touch.

"I missed you." She whispers against my skin. I step away from her embrace and search her eyes before responding the sentiment. She takes my hand and leads me to the bed, where she straddles me.

We sit like this for a while, talking about our day until our touching becomes too much to allow any more speaking. As she comes undone on top of me, I tell her I love her again and again. I don't know if she's listening but I repeat the words, until her body stops shaking.

"I love you too." She says while we catch our breath. I smile and kiss her. I will never get tired of hearing those words coming out of her lips. And I know, when she kisses me back and sighs in my mouth, I know. When she doesn't hide from me, or recoils away from her feelings, I know.

As she gazes at me, peace and love and longing in her eyes, I know.

She's ready.

Next week, while we're in Seattle for Emmett and Rosalie's wedding, we'll make a stop at Pep's. I'll ask her to marry me, confident she's going to say yes.

* * *

><p><strong>So, this is it. Last chapter of my first story. <strong>

**Thank you to everyone that indulged me, reading, reviewing, adding me to favorites and alerts. You people made me so happy and I will forever remember it. Thank you to everyone who was patient enough to wait for my updates and stuck around until the end.**

**To my RL friends that showed me constant and unconditional support, Amelí, Yuliana, Scarlyn, my beautiful BrujaPartnerInCrime, Heidy, and my always awesome Teppy, THANK YOU so much. Really. I love you all.**

**And last but not least, Damarys, my rockstar, my lovely editor, thank you a million times for taking up on this with me. Thank you for taking me seriously, and making me feel like I'm living my dream. I couldn't have done this without you. Thank you for all the time you dedicated to this, to the chapter names, the quotes hunt, the ramblings, enduring all my questions and doubts. I will always be thankful. You know I love you like hugging books that make us cry and I admire your brain (most of the time :p). This is so yours, bb. Thank you.**

**I hope everyone enjoyed this. If anyone's reading my other story "Friendzoned" I'll be dedicating myself fully to that one now.**

**Till next time.**

**Much love.- **


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